[HOW COULD ALHAITHAM DO THIS says local man who gets got by "this" every fucking time it happens
That is to say--Kaveh, of course, melts into it, still unused to such blatant shows of affection from his normally-stoic paramour. Especially at work, a place where he and Alhaitham are normally at their most confrontational, standing firmly opposed just like the wings of their darshans.
If someone had asked him a few years ago what kind of a kisser he thought Alhaitham would be, the very idea alone would've had him choking on his wine in disbelief. Now, he finds himself parting his lips to let Alhaitham in, tension easing out of his body where Alhaitham's hands rest, warm and secure. The longer he stays like this, the more he can start to feel how wrung-out he truly is, which is dangerous.]
Don't think I don't know what you're doing. [It's a quiet grumble, tempered by the way his freed hand has found its way to Alhaitham's waist. He butts his head lightly against Alhaitham's.] And to think, no one believes me when I tell them how conniving you can be.
[That would be because Kaveh also undermines his own arguments, just like he's currently undermining himself by not moving away immediately.]
[ kaveh's lips are pliant and sweet, the crisp taste of a peach on his breath. it would be easy for haitham to ply his boyfriend with a slow string of kisses, guide kaveh to his chair, and draw all of the tension from his body with his hands—but not now. not just yet, anyway.
a thin smile creeps on his mouth at kaveh's retort. ]
'Someone has to take care of you.'
[ :) since kaveh won't do it himself!!! he leans back to look kaveh in the eye. ]
I'll use whatever method it takes. This one yields the most results.
I don't want to hear that from a man who would happily go a month without talking to another person.
[Which is, to Kaveh, just as vital a necessity as rest and sustenance!!! He won't argue that he doesn't always take care of himself, though; that, unfortunately, is a point he has to concede. He does, however, bristle at the rest, because of course he does. He's truly just Toulouse Aristocats sometimes. (He hasn't pulled away, though.)]
What I'm hearing is that I'd better leave now and lock you out while I'm at it.
haitham is 100% unbothered by the threat. if kaveh did as he said, he would find out that he forgot his keys yet again that morning. right now, it's tucked away in one of alhaitham's pockets.
haitham lowers his hand from kaveh's neck, briefly watching how the soft strands of kaveh's hair unfurl from his fingertips. he lets his smile fall away naturally. ]
Then I'll have to return your gift. It's here in my office.
And never mind the fact that Alhaitham just said it's here in his office and would thus have no reason to wait until he got home to hand it over, Kaveh is far more focused on the more important part here:]
You expect me to believe that you bought a gift? You? The man who was threatening to throw away other people's things not ten minutes ago? Next you'll tell me the sky has turned green.
[ if kaveh left and ran home, there's no chance to give him his gift!!
alhaitham considered the idea that kaveh was surprised by the gift itself. he gave kaveh the benefit of the doubt, but he was clearly wrong to do so. ]
Those gifts aren't from you or me. They're just bothersome obstructions as far as I'm concerned.
[ ofc he doesn't care about them!! what he cares about is only kaveh. the bite in his voice fades away, and after searching kaveh's eyes for a moment, his gaze slides elsewhere.]
I've never celebrated Valentine's Day before, but I surmised that you would want to. So yes—believe it or not, I have a gift for you.
[Get outta here with that pesky thing called LOGIC
His expression is truly the most conflicted math-lady-meme.gif face, though. It's not as though Alhaitham has never gotten him a gift ever--he might not care much about holidays beyond the time he gets off work, but Alhaitham does know how to exist in a society. If it were his birthday, for instance, or some other major holiday, Kaveh would be less disbelieving, but... this is such a minor holiday. The only reason he's not shocked Alhaitham even knew what it was is that Alhaitham likes to know everything about everything.
Would Alhaitham really go out of his way to get a gift just because he thought Kaveh would like it...? (And is that a hint of jealousy he detects in that tone? No, surely not. That would be silly.)
Alhaitham looks away, but Kaveh continues searching his face, looking for answers he won't find because they've been there all along.]
Hmmm. Let's see it, then. [He's not entirely convinced Alhaitham isn't going to hand him something stupid like an invoice for his bar tab. But.]
[ is it so hard to believe that alhaitham would know what day it is, and that kaveh would inevitably give him something? it's only fair, he would say if not for the carefully curated present in his locked drawer.
(he's not jealous. of course he isn't. who's jealous? not him. why be jealous when kaveh is his already, and his gift for kaveh is undoubtedly better than all of theirs combined? he's not jealous. not at all.)
haitham finally unwinds his arms from kaveh and steps away behind his desk. he fishes out a small key from his pocket, and after he slides one of the drawers open, he pulls out a medium-sized rectangular box. the box itself is wrapped in plain white paper, and the red bow is carefully tied with small, dried stalks of pink flowers.
haitham rounds his desk and offers it to kaveh. ]
Nilou wrapped this.
[ before kaveh gets any ideas. haitham doesn't know the first thing about wrapping gifts—only that kaveh might appreciate it, and that nilou was all too happy to do it for him. ]
[Alhaitham steps away from him and it's truly like all of his puffed up cat energy comes flooding back in... he follows Alhaitham over to the desk, talking with his hands as usual.]
Why wouldn't I be confused when you've never once indulged my whims before? [*when he's never once indulged Kaveh's whims without Kaveh having to knock him over the head and force him into it, but still!!! (This isn't even true but listen Kaveh Does Not See IT hmph)] You've said yourself you see no value in things that can't be commercialized, so why would I suddenly assume you've developed a sense of artistry and romance?
[Gosh!!! He looks at this OFFENSIVE BOX--oh. It's nice. Alhaitham mentions Nilou, and Kaveh's expression shifts into understanding.]
So that's how it is. [He's assuming Nilou put Alhaitham up to this now. The world makes sense again. (Or does it? Alhaitham talks all the time about how he never does anything he doesn't want to...)] I told you you couldn't fool me. I'll have to write her a thank-you note later. I'm sure she'll give up on you eventually, but it's sweet of her to try and instill some sense of partnership in that head of yours.
[And quite frankly, now that he kinda-sorta believes that whole ridiculous story about the Great Sage Takedown (only because he got confirmation from people he actually trusts), he thinks it's kind of cute that Alhaitham has more friends now... he's more pleased about Alhaitham spending time with Nilou than he is about this OBLIGATION gift. (Stupid.)
At least that seems to convince him that this is a real gift, though??? MAYBE THAT'S A WIN... in any case, he's careful as he opens it, trying his best not to damage the lovely wrapping job. If it's something stupid meant to rile him up he might actually snap Alhaitham's spine over his knee]
[OI. Don't get in the way of his present!! He clucks his tongue, wiggling his hand out so that he can reach up and pat Alhaitham's cheek.]
Come on, don't be mad that I figured you out. You can't be good at everything. [He will not believe it! He simply will not!!] You can't even be bothered to bring me my keys once in a while and you reject my Darshan's funding at every turn, but you had the foresight to buy a gift for a holiday that's antithetical to everything you deem worthwhile? I wasn't born yesterday.
I will not! I only forget them because you have them half the time anyway! [TAKE THAT] And that's besides the point! A lack of power to hinder our progress in the future doesn't undo all the times you've gotten in our way over the past few weeks. You probably accepted the position just so you could do precisely that and only belatedly realized the work doesn't suit you.
[Kaveh's 500 wild conspiracies... ALSO DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT ON HIM, says Kaveh, even though Kaveh is the one following this subject change anyway]
[He does not calm down and in fact bristles all over again]
I am calm! [IS HE CALM? Well he's not shouting so there's that] And if they did do that, which I doubt, it's only because they don't spend any time with you. And it doesn't change the fact that you rejected our proposals!
[ kaveh has a big storm coming when he hears that it's canon
haitham crosses his arms and shuts his eyes. he's never let kaveh's retorts go more than skin-deep, but if he's going to breach the terms of his NDA, he should be careful with his words. ]
Do you remember what I told you after you came back from the desert?
[ seemingly unrelated. also, he said a lot when kaveh came back from the desert. this could be about anything. ]
What did I say after you had a conniption over the Sages disappearing?
[ it was after the traveler started eavesdropping on their conversation, he remembers. he'll remind kaveh if he doesn't remember, if in a roundabout way. ]
I don't know, you said a lot of things! Do you mean the part where you told me to move out of your house, or the part where you said I've never done anything valuable for society? Which is rich coming from a Haravatat, I might add.
[ he can't blame kaveh for only remembering the shitty things he said. they were actually pretty shitty. somehow, kaveh accepted him anyway. this is why he has this gift, among other reasons. ]
It's not either of those. It was about the next potential Sages. They culled the list of candidates this past week, and the remaining candidates are currently under final review. They're close to reaching a consensus.
[(heartslogos!kaveh voice) Have you ever considered that I'm displeased with the things you say because they are displeasing things to hear
Alhaitham can, at least, rest assured that Kaveh doesn't sound particularly bothered by recounting the conversation--no more bothered than usual, anyway. If he'd taken any of it to heart, Alhaitham would have known it. Kaveh has never hesitated to let Alhaitham know when he's gone too far, and that hasn't changed.
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That is to say--Kaveh, of course, melts into it, still unused to such blatant shows of affection from his normally-stoic paramour. Especially at work, a place where he and Alhaitham are normally at their most confrontational, standing firmly opposed just like the wings of their darshans.
If someone had asked him a few years ago what kind of a kisser he thought Alhaitham would be, the very idea alone would've had him choking on his wine in disbelief. Now, he finds himself parting his lips to let Alhaitham in, tension easing out of his body where Alhaitham's hands rest, warm and secure. The longer he stays like this, the more he can start to feel how wrung-out he truly is, which is dangerous.]
Don't think I don't know what you're doing. [It's a quiet grumble, tempered by the way his freed hand has found its way to Alhaitham's waist. He butts his head lightly against Alhaitham's.] And to think, no one believes me when I tell them how conniving you can be.
[That would be because Kaveh also undermines his own arguments, just like he's currently undermining himself by not moving away immediately.]
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a thin smile creeps on his mouth at kaveh's retort. ]
'Someone has to take care of you.'
[ :) since kaveh won't do it himself!!! he leans back to look kaveh in the eye. ]
I'll use whatever method it takes. This one yields the most results.
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[Which is, to Kaveh, just as vital a necessity as rest and sustenance!!! He won't argue that he doesn't always take care of himself, though; that, unfortunately, is a point he has to concede. He does, however, bristle at the rest, because of course he does. He's truly just Toulouse Aristocats sometimes. (He hasn't pulled away, though.)]
What I'm hearing is that I'd better leave now and lock you out while I'm at it.
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haitham is 100% unbothered by the threat. if kaveh did as he said, he would find out that he forgot his keys yet again that morning. right now, it's tucked away in one of alhaitham's pockets.
haitham lowers his hand from kaveh's neck, briefly watching how the soft strands of kaveh's hair unfurl from his fingertips. he lets his smile fall away naturally. ]
Then I'll have to return your gift. It's here in my office.
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You're bluffing.
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[ the fact that they're arguing while holding each other ]
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And never mind the fact that Alhaitham just said it's here in his office and would thus have no reason to wait until he got home to hand it over, Kaveh is far more focused on the more important part here:]
You expect me to believe that you bought a gift? You? The man who was threatening to throw away other people's things not ten minutes ago? Next you'll tell me the sky has turned green.
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alhaitham considered the idea that kaveh was surprised by the gift itself. he gave kaveh the benefit of the doubt, but he was clearly wrong to do so. ]
Those gifts aren't from you or me. They're just bothersome obstructions as far as I'm concerned.
[ ofc he doesn't care about them!! what he cares about is only kaveh. the bite in his voice fades away, and after searching kaveh's eyes for a moment, his gaze slides elsewhere.]
I've never celebrated Valentine's Day before, but I surmised that you would want to. So yes—believe it or not, I have a gift for you.
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His expression is truly the most conflicted math-lady-meme.gif face, though. It's not as though Alhaitham has never gotten him a gift ever--he might not care much about holidays beyond the time he gets off work, but Alhaitham does know how to exist in a society. If it were his birthday, for instance, or some other major holiday, Kaveh would be less disbelieving, but... this is such a minor holiday. The only reason he's not shocked Alhaitham even knew what it was is that Alhaitham likes to know everything about everything.
Would Alhaitham really go out of his way to get a gift just because he thought Kaveh would like it...? (And is that a hint of jealousy he detects in that tone? No, surely not. That would be silly.)
Alhaitham looks away, but Kaveh continues searching his face, looking for answers he won't find because they've been there all along.]
Hmmm. Let's see it, then. [He's not entirely convinced Alhaitham isn't going to hand him something stupid like an invoice for his bar tab. But.]
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[ is it so hard to believe that alhaitham would know what day it is, and that kaveh would inevitably give him something? it's only fair, he would say if not for the carefully curated present in his locked drawer.
(he's not jealous. of course he isn't. who's jealous? not him. why be jealous when kaveh is his already, and his gift for kaveh is undoubtedly better than all of theirs combined? he's not jealous. not at all.)
haitham finally unwinds his arms from kaveh and steps away behind his desk. he fishes out a small key from his pocket, and after he slides one of the drawers open, he pulls out a medium-sized rectangular box. the box itself is wrapped in plain white paper, and the red bow is carefully tied with small, dried stalks of pink flowers.
haitham rounds his desk and offers it to kaveh. ]
Nilou wrapped this.
[ before kaveh gets any ideas. haitham doesn't know the first thing about wrapping gifts—only that kaveh might appreciate it, and that nilou was all too happy to do it for him. ]
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Why wouldn't I be confused when you've never once indulged my whims before? [*when he's never once indulged Kaveh's whims without Kaveh having to knock him over the head and force him into it, but still!!! (This isn't even true but listen Kaveh Does Not See IT hmph)] You've said yourself you see no value in things that can't be commercialized, so why would I suddenly assume you've developed a sense of artistry and romance?
[Gosh!!! He looks at this OFFENSIVE BOX--oh. It's nice. Alhaitham mentions Nilou, and Kaveh's expression shifts into understanding.]
So that's how it is. [He's assuming Nilou put Alhaitham up to this now. The world makes sense again. (Or does it? Alhaitham talks all the time about how he never does anything he doesn't want to...)] I told you you couldn't fool me. I'll have to write her a thank-you note later. I'm sure she'll give up on you eventually, but it's sweet of her to try and instill some sense of partnership in that head of yours.
[And quite frankly, now that he kinda-sorta believes that whole ridiculous story about the Great Sage Takedown (only because he got confirmation from people he actually trusts), he thinks it's kind of cute that Alhaitham has more friends now... he's more pleased about Alhaitham spending time with Nilou than he is about this OBLIGATION gift. (Stupid.)
At least that seems to convince him that this is a real gift, though??? MAYBE THAT'S A WIN... in any case, he's careful as he opens it, trying his best not to damage the lovely wrapping job. If it's something stupid meant to rile him up he might actually snap Alhaitham's spine over his knee]
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—before kaveh can get too much of the wrapping taken off, alhaitham sets his hand down over kaveh's, keeping it still.
he stares down kaveh with a serious look. ]
Hold on. I only asked Nilou to wrap this for me. What do you mean, 'some sense of partnership?'
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Come on, don't be mad that I figured you out. You can't be good at everything. [He will not believe it! He simply will not!!] You can't even be bothered to bring me my keys once in a while and you reject my Darshan's funding at every turn, but you had the foresight to buy a gift for a holiday that's antithetical to everything you deem worthwhile? I wasn't born yesterday.
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If I keep bringing you your keys, you'll keep forgetting them.
[ does haitham grab his keys by accident sometimes? yes. should kaveh have checked for them before leaving the house? also yes!! :/ (/unfair) ]
And I won't be in charge of the Akademiya's budget anymore in a few days. Submit an appeal then.
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I will not! I only forget them because you have them half the time anyway! [TAKE THAT] And that's besides the point! A lack of power to hinder our progress in the future doesn't undo all the times you've gotten in our way over the past few weeks. You probably accepted the position just so you could do precisely that and only belatedly realized the work doesn't suit you.
[Kaveh's 500 wild conspiracies... ALSO DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT ON HIM, says Kaveh, even though Kaveh is the one following this subject change anyway]
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Calm down. [ the exact opposite of the thing you say to someone you want to calm down. ]
The remaining Sages and staff insisted that I take the position several times. I only accepted because I was tired of hearing about it.
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I am calm! [IS HE CALM? Well he's not shouting so there's that] And if they did do that, which I doubt, it's only because they don't spend any time with you. And it doesn't change the fact that you rejected our proposals!
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haitham crosses his arms and shuts his eyes. he's never let kaveh's retorts go more than skin-deep, but if he's going to breach the terms of his NDA, he should be careful with his words. ]
Do you remember what I told you after you came back from the desert?
[ seemingly unrelated. also, he said a lot when kaveh came back from the desert. this could be about anything. ]
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What does that have to do with anything? [Warily...] Which part?
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[ it was after the traveler started eavesdropping on their conversation, he remembers. he'll remind kaveh if he doesn't remember, if in a roundabout way. ]
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[This is why he doesn't believe Alhaitham bought him a Valentine's present of his own accord]
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It's not either of those. It was about the next potential Sages. They culled the list of candidates this past week, and the remaining candidates are currently under final review. They're close to reaching a consensus.
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Alhaitham can, at least, rest assured that Kaveh doesn't sound particularly bothered by recounting the conversation--no more bothered than usual, anyway. If he'd taken any of it to heart, Alhaitham would have known it. Kaveh has never hesitated to let Alhaitham know when he's gone too far, and that hasn't changed.
He frowns, eying Alhaitham.]
And? What's your point?
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don't mind me cobbling together characterization with elmers glue and macaroni
puts it in my mouth
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