You're forgetting that I was the Acting Grand Sage. Technically I had clients all over the Akademiya, even if it was just for a little while.
[ it was terrible. how does kaveh even live with this.
if kaveh even lets him, alhaitham will lightly lay his hands on the sides of kaveh's lean waist. he'll walk forward and tuck his chin over kaveh's shoulder, with blond hair tickling over his chin and cheek. he closes his eyes. ]
At least now you won't be getting those gifts anymore.
[He does allow it--mostly because if he truly needs to pry Alhaitham off of him and leave, he can just summon Mehrak and whack Alhaitham upside the head with it.]
That's not even remotely the same thing--
[and you know it is where that sentence was going, but he freezes as the rest of Alhaitham's words sink in.
Slowly, incredulously, he turns his head.]
Don't tell me you were jealous.
[That would mean... there really was something weird in Alhaitham's reaction earlier? that he was right about that sharpness he picked up on??
I'm jealous of everyone else in this building that has a clean entryway.
[ more than being jealous of any others, there is some satisfaction in leaving his mark on kaveh in general. he likes seeing reminders of what they'd done before. ]
To do what, exactly? Crush any semblance of civility you may give off into ashes so that no one dares to assume you're human?
[GOD. This is why Alhaitham drives him crazy.
The kiss makes him sigh, though. Normally he would do nothing more than roll his eyes and leave it at his complaints. He would expect Alhaitham to volley back at him, to fall into their usual pattern; one that's comforting in its familiarity even when it makes him want to tear his hair out in frustration. He would do just as he'd done earlier--brush off any hint of Alhaitham exposing an excess of emotion, reject the suggestion of Alhaitham behaving irrationally, and do his best not to work himself up into a spiral of anxiety over the true depth of Alhaitham's feelings for him. (After all, they miscommunicate so often in their own ways, even now.)
...But Alhaitham has already behaved irrationally today. There's undeniable proof of that in his hand, right at this moment. He'd said, in no uncertain terms, that he did this simply because he knew Kaveh would like it; had seemed offended--at least by Alhaitham standards--that Kaveh would even dare to suggest someone else put the idea in his head. Even Kaveh, who still has difficulty believing that this is, that they are real, can only look away from so much.
Gently, he nudges Alhaitham's head off of his shoulder so that he can turn in Alhaitham's loose hold, facing him. Shifting the box to one hand, he places the other on Alhaitham's cheek.]
First of all, for all your flaws--of which there are many--you are an intelligent man, and it's absurd that I must spell this out for you. [Was that a compliment or not??? Unclear.] But since you are selectively deaf when it suits you, let me say this clearly, while I know you're listening. [He pauses for a moment, searching Alhaitham's gaze.] Even if you're right about those other gifts--it doesn't matter what anyone else's intentions were. I want to keep them because I want to share them with you. I know I-- [He falters slightly, here, but with a steadying breath, he forges on.] --I may not... always make it clear. But I'm not ashamed of you, or embarrassed of being with you.
[He'd never wanted to hide his association with Alhaitham himself, even before they finally admitted to the feelings that had built up between them over the years. Even when they'd clashed fiercely, some part of Kaveh never stopped worrying for Alhaitham's isolation; he'd never minded being seen together in public, especially because there was always the chance it helped other people understand that Alhaitham was not some terrifying, unapproachable machine.
No, his shame, his paranoia, has always been self-focused. In the end, he simply cares too much--and that's doubly true for his work. The idea of people gossiping about how he'd crawled back to Alhaitham at his lowest moment is embarrassing, yes, but it could also damage his credibility, and that is far, far more important. Kaveh has always been bold and proud in some ways, but that doesn't change the fact that he's dedicated his life to pleasing others, to housing their memories and crafting their most precious spaces. He can't do that if people don't trust him.
Alhaitham doesn't understand that, he knows. Perhaps he never will. But Kaveh cannot simply stop caring, the way Alhaitham has.
...But even so. There are some things Kaveh won't back down on, and this is one of them.]
I chose you. And against all common sense, I will continue to choose you.
[It's not like he thinks Alhaitham is suddenly insecure. But he knows very well that emotions don't always make sense, and it can't possibly hurt to provide reassurance, even if it's unnecessary.]
[ alhaitham had spoken the truth. if he wanted to convey his jealousy or assert his possession of kaveh, he would have been entirely upfront about it. kaveh would be rightly taken aback by it, and it would need to be something discussed and taken seriously. alhaitham isn't above unfair maneuvers and ulterior motives, but in this case, what reason was there to lie to kaveh? why would he be ashamed of telling him the truth?
like kaveh surmised, there's no underlying insecurity. if anything, there's only the blithe acceptance of one fact: if kaveh was angry with him and/or decided to break up with him, alhaitham would relent despite any of his emotions on the subject. it's not in his nature to keep someone from doing what's best for their wellbeing. kaveh was as bright as the sun, altruistic and beloved. this was another part of kaveh that alhaitham loved, even if he's never said it allowed. he would never try to change that fact.
anyway. alhaitham had bitten him for three reasons:
it would be fun
it would piss kaveh off (even if he's apparently into it)
it would keep kaveh's gifts off of his lawn.
kaveh understands it differently. while he speaks and settles his hand on alhaitham's cheek, alhaitham still listens obediently. as for kaveh's many insults, alhaitham only smiles back, clearly unintimidated.
that smile drops away soon enough. what kaveh tells him by the end sinks deeply into him, softening his eyes and loosening his levity. he had been messing around until this point, but to hear that he is something kaveh takes pride in, hearing a promise from kaveh that he will always be chosen—even his own pragmatism can't stop his heart from swelling with affection and hope. this is how he knows he's in love.
alhaitham raises his hand and settles it over the one at his cheek. he kisses the middle of kaveh's palm. ]
I could say the same for you. [ he looks back at kaveh as he strokes his thumb over his knuckle. ] I don't believe in promises for things to last forever. Our lives are too unpredictable for that. Even so, I want you to keep that promise. I have no plans to stop choosing you either. Not after how long we've both waited for this.
[ he lowers both of their hands to their sides. with the other, he slips his fingers over the nape of kaveh's neck and leads them into a deep, meaningful kiss. ]
[LOOK... LISTEN!!! Maybe Kaveh just wanted to believe that Alhaitham was having Feelings for once in his ding-dang life, no matter how unlikely it is. This is just one of many forms of his emotional irrationally that Alhaitham tends to find so perplexing; his stubborn belief in Alhaitham's emotions, in contrast to his constant (albeit only half-serious) accusations that he has none.
Alhaitham doesn't argue or correct him, and he's glad for it. He doesn't want to hear that he was incorrect. Not anymore, today, and certainly not right now. He would much rather do exactly this: feel Alhaitham's cool lips on his warm hand, meet that sharp gaze that's been blunted with affection, and bask in the words that as close to what he wants to hear as they will ever get.
And, honestly--he prefers it this way. It's not as if he'd complain about flowery declarations or romantic gestures, but... this? Hearing I have no plans to stop choosing you, and knowing that it's the complete and utter unwavering truth? Nothing can compare to that. It's the grounding counterpart to his flights of fancy--somewhere to land whenever his wings melt from the heat of the sun.
He tilts his head as Alhaitham dips forward--he knows his angles, after all, and this is one he immediately memorized. He keeps his lips parted, pliant, his free hand slipping down to stroke over Alhaitham's side and settle at his waist.]
What do you take me for? Of course I'll keep it. [It's grumbled, but insincere, and he follows it up with another slow, deep kiss to counter his own words.]
...Five minutes. Do as you will. [That's the most he can concede before he really, truly has to leave if they have any intention of spending the evening together. It's far more generous than he'd normally permit, all things considered.]
[ while they kiss, alhaitham runs his fingers up into the stream of kaveh's hair, tucking his fingertips just beneath the clips and braids. the other hand settles over kaveh's bicep, silently beseeching that kaveh keeps hold on his side. the warmth of it seeps easily past the thin fabric of his shirt, as it always does against alhaitham's colder skin. for a small while after they'd (finally) consummated their feelings, the sensation of kaveh's hands on him was unfamiliar almost to the point of discomfort, conflicting with the side of him that wanted them everywhere. needless to say, one feeling overwhelmed the other soon enough.
kaveh's voice tickles against his lips, and his kiss ripples through his body. five minutes. eyes closed, alhaitham breaks their kiss with a snide smile. he won't tell kaveh that he kept him here only to leave that mark on his neck. kaveh gave him five more minutes, and he's using them to the fullest. ]
I will then.
[ alhaitham kisses him again, and this time he presses his body flush to kaveh's. with enough gentle force, and with kaveh's permission, he'll ease him up against the edge of his desk. his tongue gently prods between their mouths, warm and slippery as it pushes against kaveh's.
he drops his hands and blindly slips them past the scarves around kaveh's hips. it might be clear where he's going with this—and if it seems uncannily forward of him, kaveh would be right about that. ]
[Fortunately for everyone, Kaveh will never know that Alhaitham is taking advantage of his generosity. He would have to kill Alhaitham if he found out, and that would be a terrible way to end the holiday.
This is a much better type of celebration, even if Kaveh isn't as prepared for it as he thinks he is. He finds a moment to put the box back down on the desk before Alhaitham presses him against it, but he's happy to splay his fingers over Alhaitham's side, as if he might manage to feel Alhaitham's skin through his shirt. He hasn't lost so much decorum that he tries to slip beneath it and touch bare skin and muscle directly, but it's something to put a pin in for later.
Alhaitham, on the other hand, clearly has no such reservations. Kaveh's almost, almost lost to their kiss, to the sweep of Alhaitham's tongue against his, to the way it's so much easier to let Alhaitham in like this than it is in any other aspect of their lives, even now--but he's not so unaware that he doesn't feel Alhaitham's nimble fingers slipping between them. This close, it's impossible not to notice, and Kaveh breaks their kiss with a gasp, wet mouth pressed to Alhaitham's face as his fingers curl.]
You-- [Ah, but he'd said he'd let Alhaitham do as he wanted, didn't he? Gods. Maybe Alhaitham's right and he is a sucker. He squirms, but he purses his lips, silencing whatever comment or complaint he might've made on his own. He'll be good and keep his promise.]
[ alhaitham's nerves skitter beneath kaveh's fingers as they fan over the curve of his waist. his body remembers every other time those hands have been on him, spreading over his chest, gripping his sides, scraping over his skin. kaveh gasps against his cheek, pressing a wet, cold ring onto his skin. anticipation builds like static under his ribs.
alhaitham reminds himself that this isn't about his own arousal, for once. this is meant to be a parting gift and a preview for the night to come, once their poetry is finished. he leans back, sees kaveh's pursed lips and wrinkled nose, and with a snide smile he eases a kiss against the tight line of his lips, as he's done countless times before. ]
Five minutes will be all I need.
[ even if it isn't, kaveh won't have the wherewithal to wrench away even when his time limit is up. knowing this, alhaitham unhurriedly picks apart the knots and clasps around kaveh's hips. as he sinks down onto one knee, he licks his lips clean and kisses kaveh's jaw, the side of his throat, the bare skin at the middle of his chest, down over his stomach and between his legs. the way his eyes fall closed with every kiss suggests quiet adoration, like he's savoring every taste.
he doesn't do this often—both having kaveh in his office and putting his mouth on his cock. it's more effort than alhaitham normally undertakes, and kaveh is eager enough to please that it hardly ever matters. when alhaitham does take it upon himself, it's either from an irresistible impulse or it's halfway undertaken by kaveh, when he straddles alhaitham's chest and guides his mouth with a grip on his hair.
this, though, is a gift meant only for kaveh—teasingly slow, maybe, but done with good intentions. when alhaitham is finally pressed onto his knee, he pushes the scarves and slips of clothing behind kaveh's hips and kisses his inner thigh. ]
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[ it was terrible. how does kaveh even live with this.
if kaveh even lets him, alhaitham will lightly lay his hands on the sides of kaveh's lean waist. he'll walk forward and tuck his chin over kaveh's shoulder, with blond hair tickling over his chin and cheek. he closes his eyes. ]
At least now you won't be getting those gifts anymore.
[ yeah. that's what this was about. ]
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That's not even remotely the same thing--
[and you know it is where that sentence was going, but he freezes as the rest of Alhaitham's words sink in.
Slowly, incredulously, he turns his head.]
Don't tell me you were jealous.
[That would mean... there really was something weird in Alhaitham's reaction earlier? that he was right about that sharpness he picked up on??
???¿¿¿???]
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I'm jealous of everyone else in this building that has a clean entryway.
[ more than being jealous of any others, there is some satisfaction in leaving his mark on kaveh in general. he likes seeing reminders of what they'd done before. ]
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You are the most absurd man I've ever met.
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Why? It works.
don't mind me cobbling together characterization with elmers glue and macaroni
[GOD. This is why Alhaitham drives him crazy.
The kiss makes him sigh, though. Normally he would do nothing more than roll his eyes and leave it at his complaints. He would expect Alhaitham to volley back at him, to fall into their usual pattern; one that's comforting in its familiarity even when it makes him want to tear his hair out in frustration. He would do just as he'd done earlier--brush off any hint of Alhaitham exposing an excess of emotion, reject the suggestion of Alhaitham behaving irrationally, and do his best not to work himself up into a spiral of anxiety over the true depth of Alhaitham's feelings for him. (After all, they miscommunicate so often in their own ways, even now.)
...But Alhaitham has already behaved irrationally today. There's undeniable proof of that in his hand, right at this moment. He'd said, in no uncertain terms, that he did this simply because he knew Kaveh would like it; had seemed offended--at least by Alhaitham standards--that Kaveh would even dare to suggest someone else put the idea in his head. Even Kaveh, who still has difficulty believing that this is, that they are real, can only look away from so much.
Gently, he nudges Alhaitham's head off of his shoulder so that he can turn in Alhaitham's loose hold, facing him. Shifting the box to one hand, he places the other on Alhaitham's cheek.]
First of all, for all your flaws--of which there are many--you are an intelligent man, and it's absurd that I must spell this out for you. [Was that a compliment or not??? Unclear.] But since you are selectively deaf when it suits you, let me say this clearly, while I know you're listening. [He pauses for a moment, searching Alhaitham's gaze.] Even if you're right about those other gifts--it doesn't matter what anyone else's intentions were. I want to keep them because I want to share them with you. I know I-- [He falters slightly, here, but with a steadying breath, he forges on.] --I may not... always make it clear. But I'm not ashamed of you, or embarrassed of being with you.
[He'd never wanted to hide his association with Alhaitham himself, even before they finally admitted to the feelings that had built up between them over the years. Even when they'd clashed fiercely, some part of Kaveh never stopped worrying for Alhaitham's isolation; he'd never minded being seen together in public, especially because there was always the chance it helped other people understand that Alhaitham was not some terrifying, unapproachable machine.
No, his shame, his paranoia, has always been self-focused. In the end, he simply cares too much--and that's doubly true for his work. The idea of people gossiping about how he'd crawled back to Alhaitham at his lowest moment is embarrassing, yes, but it could also damage his credibility, and that is far, far more important. Kaveh has always been bold and proud in some ways, but that doesn't change the fact that he's dedicated his life to pleasing others, to housing their memories and crafting their most precious spaces. He can't do that if people don't trust him.
Alhaitham doesn't understand that, he knows. Perhaps he never will. But Kaveh cannot simply stop caring, the way Alhaitham has.
...But even so. There are some things Kaveh won't back down on, and this is one of them.]
I chose you. And against all common sense, I will continue to choose you.
[It's not like he thinks Alhaitham is suddenly insecure. But he knows very well that emotions don't always make sense, and it can't possibly hurt to provide reassurance, even if it's unnecessary.]
puts it in my mouth
like kaveh surmised, there's no underlying insecurity. if anything, there's only the blithe acceptance of one fact: if kaveh was angry with him and/or decided to break up with him, alhaitham would relent despite any of his emotions on the subject. it's not in his nature to keep someone from doing what's best for their wellbeing. kaveh was as bright as the sun, altruistic and beloved. this was another part of kaveh that alhaitham loved, even if he's never said it allowed. he would never try to change that fact.
anyway. alhaitham had bitten him for three reasons:
- it would be fun
- it would piss kaveh off (even if he's apparently into it)
- it would keep kaveh's gifts off of his lawn.
kaveh understands it differently. while he speaks and settles his hand on alhaitham's cheek, alhaitham still listens obediently. as for kaveh's many insults, alhaitham only smiles back, clearly unintimidated.that smile drops away soon enough. what kaveh tells him by the end sinks deeply into him, softening his eyes and loosening his levity. he had been messing around until this point, but to hear that he is something kaveh takes pride in, hearing a promise from kaveh that he will always be chosen—even his own pragmatism can't stop his heart from swelling with affection and hope. this is how he knows he's in love.
alhaitham raises his hand and settles it over the one at his cheek. he kisses the middle of kaveh's palm. ]
I could say the same for you. [ he looks back at kaveh as he strokes his thumb over his knuckle. ] I don't believe in promises for things to last forever. Our lives are too unpredictable for that. Even so, I want you to keep that promise. I have no plans to stop choosing you either. Not after how long we've both waited for this.
[ he lowers both of their hands to their sides. with the other, he slips his fingers over the nape of kaveh's neck and leads them into a deep, meaningful kiss. ]
no subject
Alhaitham doesn't argue or correct him, and he's glad for it. He doesn't want to hear that he was incorrect. Not anymore, today, and certainly not right now. He would much rather do exactly this: feel Alhaitham's cool lips on his warm hand, meet that sharp gaze that's been blunted with affection, and bask in the words that as close to what he wants to hear as they will ever get.
And, honestly--he prefers it this way. It's not as if he'd complain about flowery declarations or romantic gestures, but... this? Hearing I have no plans to stop choosing you, and knowing that it's the complete and utter unwavering truth? Nothing can compare to that. It's the grounding counterpart to his flights of fancy--somewhere to land whenever his wings melt from the heat of the sun.
He tilts his head as Alhaitham dips forward--he knows his angles, after all, and this is one he immediately memorized. He keeps his lips parted, pliant, his free hand slipping down to stroke over Alhaitham's side and settle at his waist.]
What do you take me for? Of course I'll keep it. [It's grumbled, but insincere, and he follows it up with another slow, deep kiss to counter his own words.]
...Five minutes. Do as you will. [That's the most he can concede before he really, truly has to leave if they have any intention of spending the evening together. It's far more generous than he'd normally permit, all things considered.]
no subject
kaveh's voice tickles against his lips, and his kiss ripples through his body. five minutes. eyes closed, alhaitham breaks their kiss with a snide smile. he won't tell kaveh that he kept him here only to leave that mark on his neck. kaveh gave him five more minutes, and he's using them to the fullest. ]
I will then.
[ alhaitham kisses him again, and this time he presses his body flush to kaveh's. with enough gentle force, and with kaveh's permission, he'll ease him up against the edge of his desk. his tongue gently prods between their mouths, warm and slippery as it pushes against kaveh's.
he drops his hands and blindly slips them past the scarves around kaveh's hips. it might be clear where he's going with this—and if it seems uncannily forward of him, kaveh would be right about that. ]
no subject
This is a much better type of celebration, even if Kaveh isn't as prepared for it as he thinks he is. He finds a moment to put the box back down on the desk before Alhaitham presses him against it, but he's happy to splay his fingers over Alhaitham's side, as if he might manage to feel Alhaitham's skin through his shirt. He hasn't lost so much decorum that he tries to slip beneath it and touch bare skin and muscle directly, but it's something to put a pin in for later.
Alhaitham, on the other hand, clearly has no such reservations. Kaveh's almost, almost lost to their kiss, to the sweep of Alhaitham's tongue against his, to the way it's so much easier to let Alhaitham in like this than it is in any other aspect of their lives, even now--but he's not so unaware that he doesn't feel Alhaitham's nimble fingers slipping between them. This close, it's impossible not to notice, and Kaveh breaks their kiss with a gasp, wet mouth pressed to Alhaitham's face as his fingers curl.]
You-- [Ah, but he'd said he'd let Alhaitham do as he wanted, didn't he? Gods. Maybe Alhaitham's right and he is a sucker. He squirms, but he purses his lips, silencing whatever comment or complaint he might've made on his own. He'll be good and keep his promise.]
no subject
alhaitham reminds himself that this isn't about his own arousal, for once. this is meant to be a parting gift and a preview for the night to come, once their poetry is finished. he leans back, sees kaveh's pursed lips and wrinkled nose, and with a snide smile he eases a kiss against the tight line of his lips, as he's done countless times before. ]
Five minutes will be all I need.
[ even if it isn't, kaveh won't have the wherewithal to wrench away even when his time limit is up. knowing this, alhaitham unhurriedly picks apart the knots and clasps around kaveh's hips. as he sinks down onto one knee, he licks his lips clean and kisses kaveh's jaw, the side of his throat, the bare skin at the middle of his chest, down over his stomach and between his legs. the way his eyes fall closed with every kiss suggests quiet adoration, like he's savoring every taste.
he doesn't do this often—both having kaveh in his office and putting his mouth on his cock. it's more effort than alhaitham normally undertakes, and kaveh is eager enough to please that it hardly ever matters. when alhaitham does take it upon himself, it's either from an irresistible impulse or it's halfway undertaken by kaveh, when he straddles alhaitham's chest and guides his mouth with a grip on his hair.
this, though, is a gift meant only for kaveh—teasingly slow, maybe, but done with good intentions. when alhaitham is finally pressed onto his knee, he pushes the scarves and slips of clothing behind kaveh's hips and kisses his inner thigh. ]