Before the Eudora--no, before dying, when he didn't know that death would become a beautiful reprieve, Luke was in pain more than he wasn't. The pills he took kept him alive and helped him function, but even government-developed painkillers couldn't stop his body from breaking down, piece by painful piece. He remembers how his lungs had seized up in the alleyway, how he'd rushed to hang up Rosa's call as his arm failed to respond to his commands, his nerves burning white-hot. Even he could only tolerate so much agony before it brought him to his knees.
With the wish from the Eudora, Luke, technically, had an easy out--but he'd declined to take it. Part of it was inherent mistrust of intangible magic, even though he'd urged Eunhyuk to get cured by whatever means possible. It was also, in part, practical foresight--even if Luke were selfish enough to use such a powerful thing on himself, it made no sense to him to use it on his illness instead of holding onto it in case of an emergency. He'd never forgive himself for wasting it, should they be caught in an inescapable situation in the future.
Mostly, however, Luke set his wish aside because of Scien. He'd already gone back on his word and asked Scien for help--there was simply no way he'd turn around and change his mind again at the last minute, especially in favor of something neither of them wholly trusted. Scien had assured him of a cure within the year, and Luke had chosen to believe in him. And, despite his reluctance to open up about his health, Luke had shared all this with Eunhyuk, too, trusting him to understand why Luke might choose the medicine and technology of a close friend over the quick and easy, but invisible, power of vague prayers.
Science is a longer, slower process, though, even for genius Relivers, especially when they're busy. It means that Luke's visits to their island are few, and it takes time for them to begin at all--and when they do, there's still an experimental factor at play, unavoidable given the obscure nature of his ailment.
(Before then, Luke has his usual pills to tide him over, and luckily, his flare-ups are mild as they get Eunhyuk and Eunyoo settled in Stellis--though he does his best to hide his pain from Eunhyuk anyway, since some habits can't be broken so easily.)
Today is a rare trip to Arpechele--a quick one, Luke had promised, just to pick up the pills for his second attempt at treatment. He'd slipped out early in the morning, murmuring gentle promises to return quickly, pairing them with soft, sweet kisses as if to urge Eunhyuk back to sleep. And Luke is just as needy as Eunhyuk is, so really, there's no reason not to believe him.
(...Except that he'd known, immediately, that it would be a bad day. He could feel it from the moment he'd woken with a cut-off gasp--the pain in his body worse than its been for a while, and his mental state dark and staticky to match, bits and pieces of old nightmares percolating in his mind. He couldn't risk Eunhyuk waking up enough to catch on, so he'd left quickly--running, as usual, though at least this time he'd run to grasp for something that might help him get past this, once and for all.)
It's later in the day than he'd promised, and Luke still isn't back--but it isn't late enough to be concerning, fortunately. Good thing Eunhyuk is probably having a totally normal day, completely oblivious to all of this and with no particular plans for anything special, right? Definitely. The way this starter is just 95% unrelated backstory]
[STOP IT'S NOT UNRELATED BACKSTORY BEATS UP BOTH YOU AND LUKE
Eunhyuk had understood Luke's reasoning for not using his wish -- even though a part of him hadn't agreed -- but he hadn't pressed on the issue, choosing instead to respect Luke's decision. After all, Luke still wants to be cured, this isn't him refusing it altogether -- just him opting for the path he'd wanted in the first place. A valid reason, even if Eunhyuk can't be happy about it.
But he understands, even if the length of time between visits is too long for his liking, even if both Luke and Scien aren't the type to drop everything for Luke's sake, even if that means he has to wait and watch, eyes constantly on Luke, for his happiness and for his health. He loves him too much to trust Luke whenever he says he's fine -- not when they're both liars fueled by the same reasons of not wanting to worry the people they love. They're too alike in that way. But he loves him, which means he'll try. He'll try to trust Luke, to believe him when he says he'll be back, leaving the comfort of their bed and the circle of Eunhyuk's embrace with more speed than usual.
Eunhyuk tries not to overthink it. It's not the first time Luke's had to have an early morning, though Eunhyuk usually tries to have it with him. But today Luke is too fast -- not even stopping to eat breakfast, something Eunhyuk decides to scold him for when he comes back. Otherwise, he goes about his day. He feeds Peanut, fills up his water, cleans both of his cages, then he tackles the rest of his chores. Which honestly aren't many. Luke isn't his teenage sister, needing to be taken care of and cleaned up after. Though these days, Eunyoo doesn't need either. She hasn't needed him in a while, actually. But that's a separate issue from Luke entirely, even if it leads to the same knot of loneliness that he tries to ignore.
He makes lunch, drops off the extras at Eunyoo's place, though she isn't there to greet him so he doesn't have a reason to stick around, and then heads to the library. He borrows a few books on Luke's card -- because while Eunhyuk's false Stellis background is airtight and without holes, he's still cautious of leaving a trail behind him. Luke has done so much for him already, has made it easy for Eunhyuk to live in this new world with him, that Eunhyuk wonders where he could even begin tipping the scale, if he even can.
He takes the books back home, reads up on medicine that's so much more advanced than he's used to, all while keeping an eye on the clock, waiting for Luke to come back. Normally, he'd spend a more normal day feeling more normal about Luke's absence, but there's an itch between his shoulder blades that he can't scratch, some sixth sense -- instinct that he's learned to rely on back in Seoul -- telling him that something's wrong. That it's better to be paranoid than ignorant. That Luke still hasn't come back, even though he should have by now.
Eunhyuk waves his fingers in the air, pulling up the I.R.I.S. The one mode of communication that can reach Luke across universes, that can transport Eunhyuk to Arpechele so he can go after him.]
[Eunhyuk looks down at the reply, feeling unease settle under his skin like a familiar blanket. He sends Luke a smiley emoji, something to show him that he's seen the message even if he doesn't actually feel very smiley at the moment. He just heads to the spot where they usually get beamed back from the Eudora, standing because he's never been the type to pace -- just waiting for Luke to come back
if it takes too long then he'll really head to the island of otome himself? he's giving Luke ten more minutes -- maybe five actually,]
[Well, if it's only five minutes, that's definitely not enough time--but it's not like Luke doesn't know Eunhyuk? Truly, sometimes it's so convenient to be dating someone who thinks and acts in such a similar way to you. So after, like, 6 minutes:]
Back in a few ❤️
[RELAX... IT'S PROBABLY FINE... it's definitely not Luke reassuring him in order to keep Eunhyuk out of Arpechele for various reasons,,,
"A few" turns out to be a little longer than 10 minutes--but eventually, the familiar soft light does fill the room, right in the same spot as always. HE'S BACK ARE YOU HAPPY NOW]
Eunhyuk waits for Luke to appear, immediately closing the distance between them to —- hug him? Hold him? Do something else to make it obvious how worried he was the whole time? Luckily for him, Peanut cuts in with a chirp, flying over to settle on Luke’s shoulder.
He takes his cue, reaching out to hold Luke’s hand,]
Welcome back.
[at the same time he immediately looks Luke over, because genius technology or not, tests can still be draining, especially since Luke was there for SO LONG]
[For a long moment, his hand rests loosely in Eunhyuk's--maybe it's just because he's turning his attention to Peanut? It's probably fine. Luke looks alright, at least; he's not covered in blood, he doesn't manifest and immediately collapse, nothing like that. The only other sign that anything's off is the slightly stiff way he holds himself, something that only Eunhyuk, who is so familiar with him and watches him so closely, could notice.
Once he looks back at Eunhyuk, he glances down at their hands, very briefly--then, he curls his fingers over Eunhyuk's to squeeze his hand, and smiles.]
I'm home. Sorry I'm late. [He leans in to press a quick kiss to the corner of Eunhyuk's mouth, then looks down, pulling his hand away as he eases his shoes off.] I'm going to take a shower.
[Eunhyuk watches, because how can he not when he's so used to looking at Luke? Even if Luke himself doesn't want him to see. But he does, while waiting in this brief interval when Luke says nothing at all, simply stands there with his hand in Eunhyuk's like everything is alright when clearly something isn't okay.
He understands the same moment when Luke pulls his hand away, the realization rooting him in place as Luke goes about taking his shoes off and maybe his jacket, until finally he moves too, following him across the room.]
[It's here that his facade cracks a little more--the hesitant pause at Eunhyuk's words, before he sets Peanut back on his perch. The way he favors his left hand over his right as he shrugs his jacket off. And maybe it's a testament to how tired he is, that he thinks he's doing an alright job of seeming normal. Or maybe it's a sign of how little attention Luke pays himself, that he thinks, even now, Eunhyuk might overlook these small things--that he can't comprehend someone else paying him as much attention as he pays them, even when that someone is Eunhyuk, who has made it so abundantly clear from the start that he's always, always watching.
Whatever the reason, he doesn't seem aware of Eunhyuk's unease. He just shakes his head, hanging up his coat and heading towards the bathroom.]
No, that's okay. [He smiles again, glancing at Eunhyuk before his gaze skitters away.] I want to make it quick.
[Eunhyuk keeps walking, finally pausing at the threshold, fighting to keep his usual neutral expression, even as he slips his hands into his pockets to form fists,]
Alright.
[Luke can shower.......... for now......... and if Eunhyuk looks a little forlorn then no he doesn't, that's just a trick of the lighting.
meanwhile, he'll wait for Luke to finish while in the living room with an extra towel... and also the hair dryer, and also dinner. just normal fussy things Eunhyuk would do even if Luke had returned on time! yeah!]
[Maybe Eunhyuk does look forlorn!! But Luke doesn't notice, between the way he can't quite hold Eunhyuk's gaze and the way he hurries to the bathroom. Except it's totally casual he's not hurrying at all? Why would he hurry... it's not like Luke runs and hides like a feral animal whenever he's feeling unhappy or unwell... he would never rush off to stop Eunhyuk from noticing something being off... if he DID hurry, which he DIDN'T, it's probably just because he's so eager to see Eunhyuk after a long morning, yeah
...Except that some time passes, and he doesn't come out? The shower is clearly still running, which is unusual, given that Luke hasn't shaken the habit of extremely quick showers that he developed at the capital. But it's probably fine, it's not like there was a loud crash or a thud or anything!!]
[THIS BINCH!!! EUNHYUK SHOULD HAVE FOLLOWED HIM IN!!!! STRAIGHT INTO THE STALL!!!! it's fine, he can rectify that mistake now by immediately opening the door to the bathroom because he was hovering outside this entire time, probably getting hit by all that warm air which also FOGS UP HIS STUPID GLASSES,
he immediately takes them off and sticks them in his pocket as he heads into the room proper to look at wherever the FCK LUKE IS. WHAT HAPPENED. DID HE FAINT]
It would probably be less concerning if the room was steamy hot like a normal relaxing shower ought to be, but it is not!! In fact, it's actually a little cold... and if he looks over at the shower, he will see that the glass isn't fogged up at all. It's hard to tell whether Luke's conscious or not; he's curled up in a ball in the corner of the shower, his head resting against the wall and his eyes squeezed shut. SAD PUPPY IN THE RAIN except he's not sad probably and also the rain is the shower, maybe that should be turned off,,,]
Eunhyuk does what he always does whenever his world is tilted on its axis, even when it's disintegrating beneath him. He keeps moving, the distance in this bathroom between him and Luke feels like it's leagues and leagues away, but somehow he gets there, puts his hand on the dial and turns the running water off, and then crouches down in the stall next to Luke, uncaring of the water soaking into his clothes,
he puts a now warm hand against Luke's forehead, both to rouse him and to check his temperature,]
Luke. Can you hear me?
[his heart thuds beneath his ribs, but he seems outwardly calm, even as he gently slides his hand against the back of Luke's skull, checking for bumps.]
Eunhyuk can turn the water off--icy cold, since he can feel that now--and, once he's close enough, he'll probably see that Luke's shivering a little, which, duh. His temperature feels exactly how you'd expect from someone who's been in a cold shower, though fortunately there's no blood or bumps or anything to indicate he fell. In fact, his eyes flutter open as the water turns off, though he doesn't fight it as Eunhyuk presses a warm hand to his forehead.]
Eunhyuk--? [He starts to say something else, but then he hisses, clutching at his side and curling into himself a little more.
[The flare of relief at the lack of bumps and blood is immediately snuffed out by what Luke says next, cold certainty settling in its place as Eunhyuk leaves to retrieve the pill case and a glass of water.
He pops it open as he returns with haste, pressing the pills into Luke's hand.]
Here.
[and the glass of water too -- don't just dry swallow these pills LUKE]
[Yeah he was definitely just going to dry swallow them--in fact, he still does in his haste to down them, but he'll at least take the glass with a shaking hand after. He doesn't sip at it so much as he presses the rim of it to his mouth and tries to force his breathing to stabilize, but. It's something.]
Thanks. [His voice is little raspy when he speaks, his gaze on the floor.] ...Sorry.
[He should've known Eunhyuk would worry, should've been faster, should've tried harder--]
[Luke looks at the floor and Eunhyuk looks at him, at the way he holds the glass and doesn't drink any water. He can hear the trickle of water from the shower head, dripping onto the tile, the rasp in Luke's voice.
This is hardly the time or place to continue this conversation, not when the room is so cold and Luke is naked. and yet,]
What are you apologizing for?
[for being late? for not telling Eunhyuk? or for just worrying him in the first place?]
[Luke doesn't answer right away--he doesn't acknowledge Eunhyuk at all, to the point where it might seem like he didn't hear the question. But eventually, softly, though not soft enough to obscure his reluctance to speak:]
...Thought I had it.
[That it was under control, at least enough to slip away for a little bit and cobble his facade back together. For all his stubbornness, he wouldn't have left unsupervised if he'd truly thought he couldn't make it, because passing out and banging his head on the shower wall is an idiotic way to die.]
I didn't think the [...] painkillers would wear off until I was done.
[...It's a very Luke-like answer. As ever, the expression on Eunhyuk's face doesn't change, even if he feels his chest squeeze.
Eunhyuk reaches out to take the glass and set it aside, then gently wraps the towel he'd carried inside with him around Luke, as if it can ward off the frigid chill from the shower,]
You don't have to be sorry for that. [...] You don't have to keep it from me either.
[He lets Eunhyuk pull the glass out of his hand, his grip somehow loose and stiff at the same time. He tenses slightly when Eunhyuk reaches for him, but he doesn't flinch back or try to push him away. Instead, he stays very still--only once Eunhyuk's draped the towel over him does he finally lose a tiny bit of tension, slumping over to lean against Eunhyuk's chest.
I'm sorry is on the tip of his tongue again, this time for hiding it--or, more accurately, for getting caught. He's tried to be more honest since they started this, but that's so much easier when it comes to things like talking about his love, or even sharing stories of his past. But he can't shake off the part of himself that never wants his loved ones to worry, the part that's so convinced showing signs of weakness is an unforgivable misstep.
And it's stupid, he knows. Eunhyuk already knows he's ill, so it's not like an episode like this would've come as a shock. They're both well aware that getting cured is an unsteady process. And most importantly, Luke has full faith in Scien's ability to figure out what Aaron couldn't. He's still anxious about the guillotine blade resting against his neck, but this time he's got failsafe after failsafe, and the promise of a godlike genius to rely on. He's no longer fixated on the certainty of his death the way he used to be.
But even so--this is a type of vulnerability Luke still hates to show. And he can't help but take it as a failure.
He knows Eunhyuk doesn't want to hear more apologies. But he doesn't want to try and struggle through an explanation of his thoughts: that he did have to keep it from him, actually, because he doesn't know how to do anything else, and even though he's trying to be more open, he loves Eunhyuk too much to subject him to this kind of worry,
He doesn't have the energy to say all of that, especially when his body still aches from the fading pain. So instead, he keeps his voice soft, pushing down the bitterness he feels.]
[Eunhyuk wants to argue, but the way Luke slumps against him and the muted quality of his voice convinces him not to -- at least for now. He wraps his arms around Luke instead, a loose circle of an embrace instead of a tight hug, mindful of the exhaustion Luke must feel, especially after a day like this one. It's why he doesn't usher Luke up right away, wrap him in something warmer than just a damp towel and his arms. It's why his reply is soft in return, instead of unhappy,]
I want to.
[What he wants to say is that worry is such an intrinsic part of him, his life, how he expresses his stilted affections for the people he loves, and he doesn't know who he is without it. What can he offer Luke and Eunyoo if not this? How else can he convey that he's only ever thinking of them? This habit of his that can be so suffocating and cloying to deal with. He can't fault Luke for trying to avoid the subject,]
[It's not like it's the first time Eunhyuk's said such things, but hearing it now makes him turn his face further into Eunhyuk's body, hiding the way his mouth twists unhappily.]
I know.
[And he loves knowing, even if he can hardly believe it some days, so certain that he doesn't deserve all of Eunhyuk's patience and affection, that one day Eunhyuk will wake up and realize the same--but right now, it only makes him feel even more guilty and miserable, knowing he's hurt Eunhyuk, that he's still hurting him by failing to promise his honesty and openness in the future.
It feels like a pitiful gesture, but he lifts a hand, curling his fingers loosely over Eunhyuk's arm. He breathes in, slow and shaky, and some of the tension bleeds out of him when he isn't instantly wracked with pain again.]
...I'm still sorry.
[That he's putting through Eunhyuk through this--making him watch on the sidelines as Luke stubbornly fights off the poison inside him in the most mundane and tedious way, out of some awful blend of pride, loyalty, and paranoia.]
[He can't see Luke's expression like this, but he can read him in other ways -- the pitch of his voice, the grip of his hand, the way Luke breathes in and out, in and out. Eunhyuk breathes with him, rubbing a slow circle across his back. It's the least he can do, and maybe it's the only thing. But he's come to terms with it, that the person who'll save Luke, really help him, is someone else.
For now, he presses a kiss to the top of Luke's head,]
...Thank you. [...] For always thinking of me.
[Even if it's not necessarily in the ways Eunhyuk would prefer to be thought of. But just being thought of at all is a kindness, a rarity.]
I'll do better too. I won't let you carry it alone.
[the way this sounds so sweet when it's a promise to nag Luke even more in the future]
[It's definitely a promise to nag--but Luke can't be angry, not when this is his love language, too. He's still lying even now, and he still wants to run away, to hide until he can face Eunhyuk with a steady smile again. But he knows, even without Eunhyuk saying it, that Eunhyuk doesn't want that. Rosa doesn't, either. They're too alike that way, these people that Luke can't help but love.
If their positions were reversed, he'd be treating Eunhyuk a thousand times worse than Eunhyuk has treated him. Eunhyuk has been so patient, so trusting, despite how terrible it must be to watch Luke stubbornly struggle through this. He's so much stronger than Luke is, in so many ways--if Luke wasn't so exhausted, he'd say as much.
But he can't leave it like this. Not when he's made Eunhyuk think he failed in some way. This is entirely Luke's fault, and the only thing keeping the guilt and shame at bay is the steady pressure of Eunhyuk's hand on his back.]
...
[Through sheer force of will, he musters up the strength to shift, trying to get to his feet. It's probably dangerous to do this on the wet bathroom floor, but Luke doesn't care; he does, however, lean into Eunhyuk a little more than he normally would, going against every natural instinct and forcing himself to keep his guard down. He has to give Eunhyuk his honesty. Now, while he's still weak enough to talk himself into it. Once he starts feeling better, he'll lose the nerve. He knows himself well enough for that.]
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Blanket thread for real this time
Before the Eudora--no, before dying, when he didn't know that death would become a beautiful reprieve, Luke was in pain more than he wasn't. The pills he took kept him alive and helped him function, but even government-developed painkillers couldn't stop his body from breaking down, piece by painful piece. He remembers how his lungs had seized up in the alleyway, how he'd rushed to hang up Rosa's call as his arm failed to respond to his commands, his nerves burning white-hot. Even he could only tolerate so much agony before it brought him to his knees.
With the wish from the Eudora, Luke, technically, had an easy out--but he'd declined to take it. Part of it was inherent mistrust of intangible magic, even though he'd urged Eunhyuk to get cured by whatever means possible. It was also, in part, practical foresight--even if Luke were selfish enough to use such a powerful thing on himself, it made no sense to him to use it on his illness instead of holding onto it in case of an emergency. He'd never forgive himself for wasting it, should they be caught in an inescapable situation in the future.
Mostly, however, Luke set his wish aside because of Scien. He'd already gone back on his word and asked Scien for help--there was simply no way he'd turn around and change his mind again at the last minute, especially in favor of something neither of them wholly trusted. Scien had assured him of a cure within the year, and Luke had chosen to believe in him. And, despite his reluctance to open up about his health, Luke had shared all this with Eunhyuk, too, trusting him to understand why Luke might choose the medicine and technology of a close friend over the quick and easy, but invisible, power of vague prayers.
Science is a longer, slower process, though, even for genius Relivers, especially when they're busy. It means that Luke's visits to their island are few, and it takes time for them to begin at all--and when they do, there's still an experimental factor at play, unavoidable given the obscure nature of his ailment.
(Before then, Luke has his usual pills to tide him over, and luckily, his flare-ups are mild as they get Eunhyuk and Eunyoo settled in Stellis--though he does his best to hide his pain from Eunhyuk anyway, since some habits can't be broken so easily.)
Today is a rare trip to Arpechele--a quick one, Luke had promised, just to pick up the pills for his second attempt at treatment. He'd slipped out early in the morning, murmuring gentle promises to return quickly, pairing them with soft, sweet kisses as if to urge Eunhyuk back to sleep. And Luke is just as needy as Eunhyuk is, so really, there's no reason not to believe him.
(...Except that he'd known, immediately, that it would be a bad day. He could feel it from the moment he'd woken with a cut-off gasp--the pain in his body worse than its been for a while, and his mental state dark and staticky to match, bits and pieces of old nightmares percolating in his mind. He couldn't risk Eunhyuk waking up enough to catch on, so he'd left quickly--running, as usual, though at least this time he'd run to grasp for something that might help him get past this, once and for all.)
It's later in the day than he'd promised, and Luke still isn't back--but it isn't late enough to be concerning, fortunately. Good thing Eunhyuk is probably having a totally normal day, completely oblivious to all of this and with no particular plans for anything special, right? Definitely. The way this starter is just 95% unrelated backstory]
STRANGLES HIM
Eunhyuk had understood Luke's reasoning for not using his wish -- even though a part of him hadn't agreed -- but he hadn't pressed on the issue, choosing instead to respect Luke's decision. After all, Luke still wants to be cured, this isn't him refusing it altogether -- just him opting for the path he'd wanted in the first place. A valid reason, even if Eunhyuk can't be happy about it.
But he understands, even if the length of time between visits is too long for his liking, even if both Luke and Scien aren't the type to drop everything for Luke's sake, even if that means he has to wait and watch, eyes constantly on Luke, for his happiness and for his health. He loves him too much to trust Luke whenever he says he's fine -- not when they're both liars fueled by the same reasons of not wanting to worry the people they love. They're too alike in that way. But he loves him, which means he'll try. He'll try to trust Luke, to believe him when he says he'll be back, leaving the comfort of their bed and the circle of Eunhyuk's embrace with more speed than usual.
Eunhyuk tries not to overthink it. It's not the first time Luke's had to have an early morning, though Eunhyuk usually tries to have it with him. But today Luke is too fast -- not even stopping to eat breakfast, something Eunhyuk decides to scold him for when he comes back. Otherwise, he goes about his day. He feeds Peanut, fills up his water, cleans both of his cages, then he tackles the rest of his chores. Which honestly aren't many. Luke isn't his teenage sister, needing to be taken care of and cleaned up after. Though these days, Eunyoo doesn't need either. She hasn't needed him in a while, actually. But that's a separate issue from Luke entirely, even if it leads to the same knot of loneliness that he tries to ignore.
He makes lunch, drops off the extras at Eunyoo's place, though she isn't there to greet him so he doesn't have a reason to stick around, and then heads to the library. He borrows a few books on Luke's card -- because while Eunhyuk's false Stellis background is airtight and without holes, he's still cautious of leaving a trail behind him. Luke has done so much for him already, has made it easy for Eunhyuk to live in this new world with him, that Eunhyuk wonders where he could even begin tipping the scale, if he even can.
He takes the books back home, reads up on medicine that's so much more advanced than he's used to, all while keeping an eye on the clock, waiting for Luke to come back. Normally, he'd spend a more normal day feeling more normal about Luke's absence, but there's an itch between his shoulder blades that he can't scratch, some sixth sense -- instinct that he's learned to rely on back in Seoul -- telling him that something's wrong. That it's better to be paranoid than ignorant. That Luke still hasn't come back, even though he should have by now.
Eunhyuk waves his fingers in the air, pulling up the I.R.I.S. The one mode of communication that can reach Luke across universes, that can transport Eunhyuk to Arpechele so he can go after him.]
Luke. Are you still with Scien?
yeah kill him
Just kidding. But there is a delay--longer than usual.]
Sorry
Got distracted talking to Dahut
STOP
if it takes too long then he'll really head to the island of otome himself? he's giving Luke ten more minutes -- maybe five actually,]
no subject
Back in a few ❤️
[RELAX... IT'S PROBABLY FINE... it's definitely not Luke reassuring him in order to keep Eunhyuk out of Arpechele for various reasons,,,
"A few" turns out to be a little longer than 10 minutes--but eventually, the familiar soft light does fill the room, right in the same spot as always. HE'S BACK ARE YOU HAPPY NOW]
no subject
Eunhyuk waits for Luke to appear, immediately closing the distance between them to —- hug him? Hold him? Do something else to make it obvious how worried he was the whole time? Luckily for him, Peanut cuts in with a chirp, flying over to settle on Luke’s shoulder.
He takes his cue, reaching out to hold Luke’s hand,]
Welcome back.
[at the same time he immediately looks Luke over, because genius technology or not, tests can still be draining, especially since Luke was there for SO LONG]
no subject
Once he looks back at Eunhyuk, he glances down at their hands, very briefly--then, he curls his fingers over Eunhyuk's to squeeze his hand, and smiles.]
I'm home. Sorry I'm late. [He leans in to press a quick kiss to the corner of Eunhyuk's mouth, then looks down, pulling his hand away as he eases his shoes off.] I'm going to take a shower.
no subject
He understands the same moment when Luke pulls his hand away, the realization rooting him in place as Luke goes about taking his shoes off and maybe his jacket, until finally he moves too, following him across the room.]
I can run you a bath instead.
no subject
Whatever the reason, he doesn't seem aware of Eunhyuk's unease. He just shakes his head, hanging up his coat and heading towards the bathroom.]
No, that's okay. [He smiles again, glancing at Eunhyuk before his gaze skitters away.] I want to make it quick.
no subject
Alright.
[Luke can shower.......... for now......... and if Eunhyuk looks a little forlorn then no he doesn't, that's just a trick of the lighting.
meanwhile, he'll wait for Luke to finish while in the living room with an extra towel... and also the hair dryer, and also dinner. just normal fussy things Eunhyuk would do even if Luke had returned on time! yeah!]
no subject
...Except that some time passes, and he doesn't come out? The shower is clearly still running, which is unusual, given that Luke hasn't shaken the habit of extremely quick showers that he developed at the capital. But it's probably fine, it's not like there was a loud crash or a thud or anything!!]
no subject
he immediately takes them off and sticks them in his pocket as he heads into the room proper to look at wherever the FCK LUKE IS. WHAT HAPPENED. DID HE FAINT]
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It would probably be less concerning if the room was steamy hot like a normal relaxing shower ought to be, but it is not!! In fact, it's actually a little cold... and if he looks over at the shower, he will see that the glass isn't fogged up at all. It's hard to tell whether Luke's conscious or not; he's curled up in a ball in the corner of the shower, his head resting against the wall and his eyes squeezed shut. SAD PUPPY IN THE RAIN except he's not sad probably and also the rain is the shower, maybe that should be turned off,,,]
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Eunhyuk does what he always does whenever his world is tilted on its axis, even when it's disintegrating beneath him. He keeps moving, the distance in this bathroom between him and Luke feels like it's leagues and leagues away, but somehow he gets there, puts his hand on the dial and turns the running water off, and then crouches down in the stall next to Luke, uncaring of the water soaking into his clothes,
he puts a now warm hand against Luke's forehead, both to rouse him and to check his temperature,]
Luke. Can you hear me?
[his heart thuds beneath his ribs, but he seems outwardly calm, even as he gently slides his hand against the back of Luke's skull, checking for bumps.]
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Eunhyuk can turn the water off--icy cold, since he can feel that now--and, once he's close enough, he'll probably see that Luke's shivering a little, which, duh. His temperature feels exactly how you'd expect from someone who's been in a cold shower, though fortunately there's no blood or bumps or anything to indicate he fell. In fact, his eyes flutter open as the water turns off, though he doesn't fight it as Eunhyuk presses a warm hand to his forehead.]
Eunhyuk--? [He starts to say something else, but then he hisses, clutching at his side and curling into himself a little more.
Through gritted teeth--] Pills-- jacket--
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He pops it open as he returns with haste, pressing the pills into Luke's hand.]
Here.
[and the glass of water too -- don't just dry swallow these pills LUKE]
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Thanks. [His voice is little raspy when he speaks, his gaze on the floor.] ...Sorry.
[He should've known Eunhyuk would worry, should've been faster, should've tried harder--]
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This is hardly the time or place to continue this conversation, not when the room is so cold and Luke is naked. and yet,]
What are you apologizing for?
[for being late? for not telling Eunhyuk? or for just worrying him in the first place?]
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...Thought I had it.
[That it was under control, at least enough to slip away for a little bit and cobble his facade back together. For all his stubbornness, he wouldn't have left unsupervised if he'd truly thought he couldn't make it, because passing out and banging his head on the shower wall is an idiotic way to die.]
I didn't think the [...] painkillers would wear off until I was done.
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Eunhyuk reaches out to take the glass and set it aside, then gently wraps the towel he'd carried inside with him around Luke, as if it can ward off the frigid chill from the shower,]
You don't have to be sorry for that. [...] You don't have to keep it from me either.
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I'm sorry is on the tip of his tongue again, this time for hiding it--or, more accurately, for getting caught. He's tried to be more honest since they started this, but that's so much easier when it comes to things like talking about his love, or even sharing stories of his past. But he can't shake off the part of himself that never wants his loved ones to worry, the part that's so convinced showing signs of weakness is an unforgivable misstep.
And it's stupid, he knows. Eunhyuk already knows he's ill, so it's not like an episode like this would've come as a shock. They're both well aware that getting cured is an unsteady process. And most importantly, Luke has full faith in Scien's ability to figure out what Aaron couldn't. He's still anxious about the guillotine blade resting against his neck, but this time he's got failsafe after failsafe, and the promise of a godlike genius to rely on. He's no longer fixated on the certainty of his death the way he used to be.
But even so--this is a type of vulnerability Luke still hates to show. And he can't help but take it as a failure.
He knows Eunhyuk doesn't want to hear more apologies. But he doesn't want to try and struggle through an explanation of his thoughts: that he did have to keep it from him, actually, because he doesn't know how to do anything else, and even though he's trying to be more open, he loves Eunhyuk too much to subject him to this kind of worry,
He doesn't have the energy to say all of that, especially when his body still aches from the fading pain. So instead, he keeps his voice soft, pushing down the bitterness he feels.]
I didn't want you to worry.
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I want to.
[What he wants to say is that worry is such an intrinsic part of him, his life, how he expresses his stilted affections for the people he loves, and he doesn't know who he is without it. What can he offer Luke and Eunyoo if not this? How else can he convey that he's only ever thinking of them? This habit of his that can be so suffocating and cloying to deal with. He can't fault Luke for trying to avoid the subject,]
Because you matter to me.
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I know.
[And he loves knowing, even if he can hardly believe it some days, so certain that he doesn't deserve all of Eunhyuk's patience and affection, that one day Eunhyuk will wake up and realize the same--but right now, it only makes him feel even more guilty and miserable, knowing he's hurt Eunhyuk, that he's still hurting him by failing to promise his honesty and openness in the future.
It feels like a pitiful gesture, but he lifts a hand, curling his fingers loosely over Eunhyuk's arm. He breathes in, slow and shaky, and some of the tension bleeds out of him when he isn't instantly wracked with pain again.]
...I'm still sorry.
[That he's putting through Eunhyuk through this--making him watch on the sidelines as Luke stubbornly fights off the poison inside him in the most mundane and tedious way, out of some awful blend of pride, loyalty, and paranoia.]
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For now, he presses a kiss to the top of Luke's head,]
...Thank you. [...] For always thinking of me.
[Even if it's not necessarily in the ways Eunhyuk would prefer to be thought of. But just being thought of at all is a kindness, a rarity.]
I'll do better too. I won't let you carry it alone.
[the way this sounds so sweet when it's a promise to nag Luke even more in the future]
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If their positions were reversed, he'd be treating Eunhyuk a thousand times worse than Eunhyuk has treated him. Eunhyuk has been so patient, so trusting, despite how terrible it must be to watch Luke stubbornly struggle through this. He's so much stronger than Luke is, in so many ways--if Luke wasn't so exhausted, he'd say as much.
But he can't leave it like this. Not when he's made Eunhyuk think he failed in some way. This is entirely Luke's fault, and the only thing keeping the guilt and shame at bay is the steady pressure of Eunhyuk's hand on his back.]
...
[Through sheer force of will, he musters up the strength to shift, trying to get to his feet. It's probably dangerous to do this on the wet bathroom floor, but Luke doesn't care; he does, however, lean into Eunhyuk a little more than he normally would, going against every natural instinct and forcing himself to keep his guard down. He has to give Eunhyuk his honesty. Now, while he's still weak enough to talk himself into it. Once he starts feeling better, he'll lose the nerve. He knows himself well enough for that.]
...Bed. Please.
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