[ 🙄 what a baby. zhongli just lets it go for now. also, having a battle with a hydro user in the middle of the ocean is unfair hello! childe wouldn't want that if he wants a fair fight, right? (it would be funny but zhongli would def point this out and ruin the fun.)
zhongli hadn't taken into account just how long childe had kept himself leaned in, with the two of them murmuring surreptitiously. that warm breath at his ear and neck are suddenly gone, and zhongli can feel its absence, cool where it once was.
but anyway. that doesn't mean anything. (or it does. zhongli is slowly starting to put it together.)
childe slips down and zhongli turns to meet him, arms still crossed. there are still questions to be asked on his end as well, most of which will probably come later. he turns his gaze to the floor, carefully crafting his words. ]
You may have heard of Guili Assembly. Their goddess was named Guizhong. ...She was closer to being my partner than anyone else in my lifetime.
[ was it romantic? probably in a sense. were they gods who went through the normal dating process? no way.
looking back to childe. ]
I'm not sure why it would be hard to believe that I've never had a romantic relationship before. [ archons are pretty busy. ] And yourself?
[ANYWAY. Who cares about that when Zhongli is here saying absurd things like "why is it hard to believe I've supposedly never been in romantic relationship"? And Looking at him with those Eyes? For a ridiculous moment, Childe's very suddenly, acutely conscious of how nice Zhongli looks in this outfit, and he opens his mouth to shake off the distraction before he decides what he wants to say.]
Well, because-- [...Just, because. Because!! What's he supposed to do, explain? Out loud? Absolutely not.
He waves a hand impatiently.] Never mind. To answer your question--hah. I joined the Fatui when I was fourteen.
[So, no, obviously not. But it makes a lot more sense for him, surely? He barely even has friends.
With a sigh, he rests a hand on his hip, studying the man across from him. This is what he gets for trying to scheme, instead of just marching into the funeral parlor and demanding Zhongli's hand in combat. Maybe if he'd been very persuasive...
--Right. Work. Focus.]
Look, you needn't worry. You know how to put on a show, and I know what I'm doing. [DOES HE??] I don't think anyone would expect any overly affectionate displays from you, so you'll just have to tolerate me a little more than usual.
[LOCAL MAN FULL OF MISPLACED CONFIDENCE, SEVERELY UNDERESTIMATES WHAT HE IS GETTING INTO, NEWS AT 12]
[ it's childe's turn now to be flustered—both by guizhong's mention and zhongli's question. judging by that sudden stumbling of words where someone as cunning as childe wouldn't usually falter, there's something embarrassing or difficult to parse in that answer he never gives.
the idea that zhongli had given some false impression that he's dated around is out of the question. perhaps there were rumors, some misguided piece of literature—something childe had gotten ahold of in his wide network of associates. if it wasn't any of that, zhongli could only guess it was one other thing. (gayness.)
the subject is quickly changed. zhongli doesn't chase it, only watching childe inquisitively—a sign that he would remember this, as he does with all other things. this may not be the last time they hear of it.
zhongli smiles a little. good luck childe!! ]
Mm. It's admirable, how you speak so confidently with little experience. Or any, in fact.
[ zhongli isn't a whole lot more experienced than him, but at least he's had several hundred years' worth of watching mortals come together and fall in love. the zhongli of this era might have also had a hand in some of these relationships—the delivery of letters and flowers and trinkets, the payment of debts from a spouse wrought with illness.
but seeing is a far cry from doing. how would it be, pretending to be in love with childe, accepting his (false) affections? zhongli takes him in again—blue and white and orange, eyes shining bright. his chest clenches again, unbidden. one thought remains—there had to be another way of doing this. childe chose this instead, knowing what they would have to do. how far would they go to keep up the charade, and would they be convincing at all? it was all yet to be seen. ]
I'll be patient. [ he always is. but that also depends on what childe tries to do. ] I'll admit I'm interested in seeing how you approach this plan of yours. Are you trying to convince someone in particular? The ambassador from Fontaine, perhaps?
Childe makes a face, because Zhongli is so obviously making fun of him, like a butthead. "Admirable" his ass... this is the same damn vibe Zhongli has when he's letting Childe suffer stubbornly through chopsticks because he "needs to practice or he'll never truly appreciate Liyue cuisine"...]
Ah, xiansheng, there's a lot of overlap between intimacy and relationships for us mortals, you know? No need to make me sound completely inept.
["I've never actually dated anyone" is not the same thing as "I have no experience whatsoever"--but he grins, then, a touch rueful.] Anyway, I've had good role models. I know what love looks like.
[His parents are just as in love these days as they've always been, after all, and Childe wasn't always the way he is today. Zhongli doesn't know that, and probably never will, but no matter. Hell, maybe it's even for the best if Zhongli underestimates him--it would be a lie to say the thought of actually flustering Zhongli, for once, isn't a little intoxicating. Surely this is a normal thing to think about a person you are platonically obsessed with.
(Seeing is a far cry from doing, that's true--but Childe does seem to genuinely believe what he's saying. This will make it extra ironic when they actually have to start up this charade and Childe realizes he is not, in fact, prepared for any of this whatsoever.)
More importantly, he nods.]
Mm, that's the one. Normally I'd ask Katya to deal with something like this, but she's got her hands full with other things. [And, as he'd more-or-less said, Zhongli kind of owes him. So.] The madame is a notorious romantic with excellent connections to the Lazurite trade. She's been known oversee lavish custom orders for noble families all over Teyvat.
[It's not really about the jewels, of course. It's about establishing overt, legitimate connections, an in-route and a cover for their less than ethical activities elsewhere in the region. But it would be stupid to say that out loud, and Zhongli probably already knows it anyway.]
hopefully you've been practicing your chopsticks so you can eat properly in front of the madame, childe ☺️
anyway. childe knew this already: anything that crossed a sailor's mouth was passed onward to its crew, the vendors, their customers, the officials—would quickly be brought to zhongli's attention one way or another. he had heard the news from ningguang herself after a summons to the jade chamber to discuss it, among other topics relating to the transition of adeptal responsibilities to their mortal counterparts. he was likely one of the first to know, and the timing of childe's invitation was just unfortunate.
in terms of intimacy, there had been some mortals and other beings vying for his attention—most for the affections and accolades that come with being the lover of the great geo archon; others as a genuine consequence of rex lapis's compassion and service to his people; and others still whose religious affiliations had bled into their hearts, parasocial in nature, praying for his living presence to descend. all archons had to deal with something like this. zhongli would never fraternize with mortals in this way, but it would be reconsidered for adeptal beings.
zhongli still had never been with more than a handful of them. most were put off by the idea of negotiating a contract before getting to bed.
several points of their conversation catch his interest, yet one thing supersedes those topics all at once. he stares, processing the thought; even childe's explanation regarding the fontaine official comes out of focus, as if heard underwater. so zhongli had been a substitute, already conveniently situated in liyue. it all makes more sense now.
it shouldn't bother him. whatever brief flash of shock he had felt, only shown in the subtle widening of eyes and lifting of brows, gets quickly withdrawn. a part of him wants to go back on his word, say he's suddenly decided that it isn't worth the colossal effort it would take to execute—yet not only would it rouse suspicion, it would also be a breach of his morals. he gave his word and that was it.
he looks back toward the party, for no reason other than to look at it. really. ]
I see. [ disappointment? never heard of her ] And so you were hoping to gain access to her network.
[ he's still murmuring, keeping the conversation to themselves. he sees the fontaine's madame now, garishly dressed, wearing stones of every kind, throwing her head back as she laughs too loudly. zhongli was averse to these kinds of people, but he knew how to speak with them if he had to. he's not doing the heavy lifting here anyway.
he lets his arms fall to his sides and takes a slow step away from the banister, still keeping his gaze away from childe, whether he notices or not. ]
I've had enough. Let's join the other guests. [ not that he's giving childe a real choice about it. ] You can tell me of your 'role models' in the meantime. I don't imagine that they're members of the Fatui.
Well shit now he feels a tiny bit bad and he doesn't even really know why. DAMN IT ZHONGLI. THIS IS HIS PETTY REVENGE, DON'T MAKE HIM FEEL IMMATURE EVEN THOUGH HE IS DEFINITELY BEING IMMATURE.
Perhaps if either of them stopped to think about it for more than 5 seconds, they would realize that no, actually, Zhongli is not anywhere near the most convenient choice--but Childe certainly isn't going to do that, because untangling his Zhongli emotions is not on his to-do list at this time.
Instead, he sighs, as if to clear away the offer for an out resting on the tip of his tongue. It's too late now, unless he were to throw the entire mission for the sake of--what, a shred of honor? The memory of a friendship that wasn't wholly genuine on either side? No.
Zhongli says he's had enough, so... showtime, it seems. Gods. Maybe Zhongli just thinks he's going to take the chance to be over-the-top embarrassing, which would be funny but ultimately detrimental to his goals. Once they're in it, they'll probably be fine. Right? Right.]
Let's go, then. [Moving forward, and reaching out!! If Zhongli doesn't stop him, then he'll seize one of Zhongli's hands and lace their fingers together.] I suppose I really haven't told you much about my parents, have I?
[So, no, not Fatui at all. Even though Childe will definitely gossip about Vlad and Nadia at some point during the evening, because he is a good boss who pays attention to his agents even if he doesn't let them meet 90% of the time.
[ maybe if they stopped they would!! but childe certainly wouldn't, and zhongli is seconds away from adjourning his opinion on this whole thing. if it's a charade, it's only a charade. if zhongli is a puppet, he would play his part. both of them can just be blithely oblivious clowns.
but he also hadn't thought about this part—when childe suddenly catches his hand and weaves their fingers together, firmly grasping the row of his knuckles. zhongli slows with surprise the moment it happens, looking at their joined hands and then at childe as he matches his stride. his fingers are loose, but childe still holds them.
it's part of the act, he tells himself. it's a small gesture done even by children, by elders and their progeny, by close friends keeping a secret or giving comfort. it means nothing, yet there's a flurry of feeling when it happens, warm and cottony in his chest. nothing has ever felt like that before.
he catches himself before he stares for too long. he brings himself out of his thoughts and feelings, closing his finger's over childe's hand and continuing to walk them into the party, ignoring the little feelings sparking in his chest like striking matches. anyway. anyway!
"my parents." so that's where he learned about love. there's a little comfort in knowing childe would talk about something very personal to him. he looked forward to those conversations the most.
a smile eases on his lips, whether he likes it or not. ]
You've spoken of them in relation to your siblings. I haven't heard much else.
[ their spectacle does draw the eye of passersby, and they earn a mixture of concerned and pleasant looks. zhongli leads them into the fray, paying no mind. ]
[ the gestures come in small doses: the hand in his, an arm about his waist, the gentle knocking of shoulders. zhongli is made conscious of every movement towards him, closing the gap that had always been so well-defined.
did zhongli really mind any of this? the feelings came and went like smoke, still a mystery to him, but it wasn't unbearable. any conversations they held with other guests seemed innocuous enough, with any comments about their 'relationship' being answered by childe—sometimes with a bald-faced lie, other times drawing from their authentic friendship. childe remembered things that zhongli never guessed he would.
zhongli can't help considering it, inciting sharp tugs beneath his ribs. once, childe lays his hand over his fist on the table, and he considers turning his hand over to take it in his grasp. he has to put on a show, doesn't he?
as they finish their orders, the guest of honor moves between guests like a spinning dancer—in fact, she's quite near their table as they stack their plates and push them aside. he leans in to murmur near his companion's shoulder. ]
Would you like to speak with her? I can introduce you.
[Here's the thing--Childe doesn't... touch people.
It's not because he doesn't want to, really. In fact, he's happily tactile under certain circumstances. He'll carry a child on his shoulders with no hesitation, and he claps his agents on the shoulder every now and then, mostly because he finds their reactions entertaining. But for the most part, it's a simple fact of Childe's life that if someone is in his personal space, they're probably trying to kill him. He's spent too long wearing hypervigilance as a second skin to permit anyone, even people like Xiangling or Hu Tao (or Zhongli, for that matter, back then) into his space easily.
To say nothing of intimate touch, though perhaps that's an overdramatic description for what they're doing. Holding hands, leaning close, all simple gestures that normal people do with their partners. Things that, Childe figured, would be easy enough to initiate. He hadn't been lying when he'd oh-so confidently declared that he knew what love looked like, and the sweet stories of his parents that he shares with Zhongli as they wander are entirely truthful. On top of all of that, he does enjoy a good performance--especially a harmless one that he knows he's putting on from the beginning. They were close enough, once, that faking a deeper relationship was supposed to be easy. It should've been fine.
Immediately, it is not fine.
Zhongli isn't the only one who falters when their fingers tangle, which is... unexpected, for one thing. A little embarrassing, for another. It's just handholding. They're both wearing gloves!!! It makes absolutely no sense for him to be suddenly, acutely aware of Zhongli's proximity. He's always admired Zhongli's hands, sure, but that's no reason that finally (finally?) touching one should stir up weird sensations in his chest. What--is he getting embarrassed now? About his own plan? That would be ridiculous.]
Well--[What was he saying? Oh, yes. His parents.]--I hope you don't mind if I'm the one talking your ear off for a change, then.
[Right. Focus. Easy. It'll just take a minute to get used to their roles, that's all. Shake it off, Tartaglia. It'll get easier.]
Somehow, it gets harder. The wandering, the chatting--that's all fine, normal. They'd spend so many evenings doing precisely this when he'd been stationed in Liyue, and Childe's always found it dangerously easy to fall into Zhongli's orbit. Zhongli is just... magnetic. And no matter how human he tries to appear, Childe doesn't think he'll ever be able to rid himself of that quietly powerful aura. It's impossible to miss now that he knows what to look for, and for someone like Childe, there's little else more enticing. It makes it terribly easy to want to stay near him, to talk, to listen. That isn't the hard part.
No, the hard part is this: the fact that Childe is indisputably, irrevocably in over his head, and there's nothing he can do about it now.
The first incident, he'd written off as pre-performance nerves. But that excuse had fallen apart so quickly. Every time he'd felt his face heat up whenever he'd realized, abruptly, how close they were. Every time he'd had to steel himself to touch Zhongli like a lover would, no matter how simple or chaste the gesture. Every time his breath caught when he'd glanced over, just in time to see the light catch Zhongli's eyes just so.
The odd sensations in his chest aren't nerves, or embarrassment. Not really. It hadn't taken him long to realize that, and then... well. Childe's inexperienced, sure, but he's not oblivious, and he's not the type to avoid acknowledging the obvious either.
(Though... it's a little strange. Sure, he's never had these feelings himself until now, but... are they supposed to be quite this sharp? This kind of relentless pull? It's a lot like fighting their Anemoboxers, actually--but that's not romantic, so no wonder nobody's described it like that in stories. Hunh.)
But they've already committed to this. They locked themselves in the moment they rejoined the group with their fingers intertwined, in full view of Ningguang and Beidou and everyone else on the ship. They're too far in to abandon the lie for a new strategy. He'll just have to deal with it, and Zhongli can make fun of him in private later.
At least he'd had the foresight to paint them as old friends turned new lovers, a convenient excuse for any awkward stumbles--though it's a double-edged sword, because it means he needs to play the part of someone enamored with a new paramour. They're lucky Zhongli has a reputation as a distinguished gentleman, or else they'd probably have to be even more touchy than they have been so far, and Childe genuinely doesn't know what he'd do then. Perish on the spot, maybe? Imagine having to kiss Zhongli just to sell an act.
--Wait, actually, no. He is not going to imagine that. He does not need to spiral any further than he already has.
Gods. It would be so much easier if he hated this.
The meal is a welcome respite, but it passes too quickly. All too soon, Zhongli is leaning close to him again, and Childe has to curl his fingers into his palms to focus on what he's saying. Fortunately, it works--Childe's too disciplined to let his gaze snap over to her, so he takes a steadying breath before he turns his head to meet Zhongli's eyes. Who'd have ever thought he'd need to brace himself just to look at the man? He's never allowed to have ideas ever again.]
Now's as good a time as any, I think. I'll leave it to you.
[ taking a vested interest in someone's hands should be some sort of sign already, childe.
since he began living his mortal life, zhongli's found agreeable and eager audiences in every corner of his harbor. he knew the names of the merchants, the routes of the ships that sail from her port, the source of every ingredient of every dish he's savored. liyue's residents flocked to him for his facts and stories—whether or not they were true, as historians would argue with him over his uncorroborated accounts and seemingly encyclopedic knowledge of things barely understood.
there were many things that might have pulled the citizenry towards him, attempting to curry favor or argue or simply enjoy his placid company. he knew this logically.
but childe's constant presence in his life was a precious anomaly. he was had and used by one of his own, and his business in liyue seemed to be finished. while childe still bemoaned the situation, he willingly and regularly visited zhongli, far from his home and his missions. invitations for spars aside, childe spoke in bright smiles and animated expressions, conversed with him about history and philosophy, introduced him to things outside of his liyue that an old and mortal ex-god would not be privy to. zhongli was only now beginning to exist in the present. childe was already there, offering his hand, drawing him in like a current.
he was still like this even now. whatever aura surrounded zhongli, childe makes up for it in charm and wit. he never falters in conversation, carefully balancing confidence and humility, sharing a far more human connection than zhongli could ever hope to accomplish. at times he allows childe to hold conversations afloat, watching as the one he's conversing with warms to him like a fire against a bitter cold, no matter their affiliation to and opinion of the fatui. zhongli felt this about him from the moment they met.
zhongli is able to swallow back any rush of blood to his cheeks—he could logic his way through just about anything. and yet, when childe would pull him against his shoulder or his chest, that feeling beneath his ribs would suddenly erupt. it's all he can do to stifle it before childe can notice his ancient heart beating against him, trying to force its way out.
he saw childe's occasional and subtle faltering, only noticeable by somehow who knew him well. at times, there would be a deeper shade of pink on his cheeks, and not simply from the night's sea-breeze and ocean spray. somehow, their eyes always seemed to slip past one another's, never able to catch hold even as zhongli's reach for him. childe wore it differently, but zhongli's seen it enough times to recognize it for what it is. but it couldn't be.
occasionally the sobering fact that he's here as a substitute would crop up (even though it's not a fact you stupid old man) and whisper itself back into existence. his countenance towards childe would briefly ice over, and he would turn his attention back to the other guests. he noticed that he did this. for once, his disappointment couldn't be helped.
he had only one previous point of reference for these feelings. it was enough to be sure of what this all meant.
their night would end. there would need to be a story crafted once the night finally ends and the sun dawns again on liyue harbor. would they meet again after this? would it be the same as before? would he have to mourn their friendship like so many other things on his life?
childe is hesitating before he raises his head to zhongli. he can see it. instead of inviting them away from their table, zhongli keeps still and holds childe's gaze once he has it. in liyue, they never gave looking at the other a second thought, wiling the night away with food and wine and stories and small games. now, even that became a vulnerability, like it might betray too much if the other searched long enough. it was as much childe's doing as it was his own.
childe's suit is still incandescently white. his eyes are so blue. ]
...You seem uneasy.
[ a thought raises to mind. zhongli smiles a little, attempting to assuage the situation. they can get rid of any misconceptions. zhongli can stop thinking that this is more than what it is. (if it's true, what then?) ]
I never would have guessed that this would be what makes you falter. Perhaps your parents' influence wasn't enough after all.
Edited (WAH SORRY!!! LAST TIME!!!) 2022-07-05 15:41 (UTC)
For now, though--Zhongli's words are more sobering than they're probably intended to be, and Childe laughs softly.]
That can't possibly be a revelation, xiansheng. [A quip, lighthearted, skirting around the edges of something too fragile to address directly. He isn't ashamed of the sort of person he is, but it's not like he doesn't know how it makes his family feel, either. There are a thousand reasons he'll lie to Teucer for as long as he possibly can, and that's one of them.
If his parents' influence had been enough for anything, he wouldn't have ever ended up in Liyue in the first place. Funny, that.
Still, it puts him on edge, a little. He really should've expected this, but he's still not used to being so easily seen. It's easy to deal with when nobody's truly looking; apparently, he'd forgotten what it felt like to be the subject of Zhongli's scrutiny.
It's difficult to hold Zhongli's gaze, but it feels a little like a challenge, so he does.]
It's fine. Just--what's that saying you have? 画虎类犬? [He's arrogant, but only because he's always acknowledged his failures and weaknesses, working to overcome them. This is no different. (Just--not in the way he's choosing to frame it.)] I'd only meant to give you a hard time, but it seems like this isn't my wheelhouse after all.
[It's not a lie. It just. Has nothing to do with why he's acting like this.]
[ he's sobered too by that quick laughter and the quip that follows. the mirth slips away from his eyes. it was a crude, almost self-deprecating joke, nowhere near what zhongli was intending. he might have touched upon something too sensitive; with their gazes unbroken, he can see the frost glaze over childe's countenance, verging on something like sadness or maybe bitterness. there's the impulse to apologize, to chase an explanation, but zhongli leaves it alone.
the conversation rolls onward. childe instead admits to his failures, almost effectively shutting down the conversation. zhongli makes a weak attempt to lighten the mood. ]
You were hoping to take revenge in addition to swaying the ambassador in your favor.
[ childe's accomplished this more times than he probably knew. zhongli cooly went along with this plan, knowing that he gave his word and that any resistance would be rebuffed, even when he knew that his feelings had deepened beyond his reach, a leash suddenly let loose.
zhongli gives in. he's the first to look away, watching the ambassador and the rabble surrounding her. ]
It isn't in your wheelhouse to act as if you're lovers with someone? Or to fluster me this way, if that was your goal?
[To the first comment, he just lifts one shoulder in a half-shrug, as good as an agreement. He'd all but said as much from the start, really--you owe me--so even though this plan has backfired spectacularly, it doesn't bother him to acknowledge it.
Zhongli's words do work as a more pleasant distraction, though. When he grins again, it's much closer to his usual, more genuine cheer.]
Ahaha, both, I suppose--but I should've known there was no chance of throwing you off-kilter! If I hadn't seen the way you are around Miss Director, I would've thought you were impossible to ruffle at all.
[That, and he maybe should've stopped to realize that he's a little too obsessed with the idea of breaking Zhongli's composure and getting under his skin, like, before he wrote that stupid invitation later. That might've been helpful.]
[ childe seems to have lost steam for the entire ordeal, with his japes and nonchalant half-shrugs. the tension and nerves slough off of him, nearly palpable as zhongli dares to look at him again. any other time, zhongli might have been glad to see the cheer and confidence back on his face.
it feels like he's laughing it off, like he's willing to drop it the moment zhongli asks if they should.
his chest twists. he won't be the first to bring it up. a part of him won't allow it. the words dredge up his throat and reach his mouth with less thought than what's normally duly given to them. ]
I'll tell you what I've observed. [ whether he wants to hear it or not. childe is so stupid. he doesn't know what he did, how he looked, how zhongli had been watching him, what he inferred about him, not at all— ]
Each time you reached out to me, your hold was stiff and unsure. You looked at me often, yet you hardly met my eye until now. You continue to refer to me as 'xiansheng.' You were almost lacking confidence at times.
[ zhongli furrows his brow, searching childe's face as if seeing it for the first time. ]
Yet I'm not sure why.
[ except he is. he's laying the evidence out there. if childe wants to argue with it, he can. that's his out. ]
It's clear, immediately, that he's caught off-guard by Zhongli's response. Whatever he'd been expecting, this wasn't it--his eyes are wide as Zhongli lays out everything he's picked up on, mouth slightly parted like he'd interject if only he could remember how to speak.
But... this probably shouldn't feel so shocking. Zhongli is the very embodiment of Geo, after all. He isn't like Childe--fluid and ever-changing as a rip current, quick as lightning when the mood strikes him. No, Zhongli is steady and patient, an unwavering force too solid to get swept away by the tide.
If their blades ever do clash, they will be the very picture of an unstoppable force and an immovable object. Childe wants it more than he's wanted anything in a long time, but he does not anticipate winning that fight. He wouldn't have intended to win this one, either, but that's because he didn't expect he'd have to. He'd never actually anticipated Zhongli would... do whatever it is he's trying to do, here.
Embarrass him? It doesn't feel like that's his intention, but he'd be a fool to write off the notion entirely. Unravel a curiosity? Maybe. But Childe still finds it hard to believe that Zhongli's truly as inexperienced as he claims to be. If he's noticed this much, surely it can't be a stretch to figure out the root cause.
...Maybe Zhongli's just humble. Childe's seen him deny his expertise on matters no other living being could possibly comprehend as well as he--perhaps that's more genuine than he'd assumed, and Zhongli truly doesn't think other people might... y'know.
Or maybe the absurdity is that it's Childe acting this way. That's far more reasonable, he thinks. Harbingers aren't exactly known for their warm hearts, after all, and--well, his family is one thing, but surely he's given Zhongli no other cause to think he's any different from his colleagues. They are just as cold and untouchable as their Archon, a cold front sweeping across Teyvat in her name. It would make sense if Zhongli's brought this up because the picture his puzzle pieces have formed is simply unbelievable.
(He carefully doesn't acknowledge the possibility that Zhongli's simply asking because he cares.)
Silence falls between them, the noise of the crowd barely more than dull static now. Whatever levity he'd regained is gone. Childe looks away, down at the table between them--he doesn't often let tension show, but trying to hide it now feels like a waste of effort.
[ zhongli watches the slow descent: childe's face seizing in shock, the realization dulling the luster in his eyes, the downward turn towards the table. all sounds drown out—the voices, the clattering silverware, the sound of the dark sea lapping up against the ship. he lets the silence sit among them. childe watches the table as if zhongli had laid his fortune there, revealing him more than he wanted it to.
admittedly, zhongli met childe with many preconceptions. despite being exposed to the deep complexities of the human race, morax's old habits were hard to overturn even now: compartmentalizing, organizing, making sense of things. he thought he had seen enough of human nature to understand what they all were like down to their core. guizhong was the first to change that. many after her continued her lesson, childe among them.
his assessments of childe might have been correct in the beginning. the surprise came after—when rex lapis was laid to rest and signora left liyue for the last time, gnosis in hand. he couldn't have predicted who would draw back the open chair at his table at wanmin restaurant—who would sit beside him, beam at him, and offer a small wave in greeting. Surprised?
it's difficult enough to surprise an archon, let alone the eldest one. apparently zhongli had more lessons to learn.
if these feeling were sewn back then, they blossomed now, watching childe admit to what's happened without naming his feelings. they were on the precipice of that something different he had thought about when the evening began, and zhongli had decided to seize it. childe had nothing to hide. against all logic, knowing it would never last, zhongli did care, and he wouldn't refuse him.
childe says his name and only that, nothing else to set him above or out of reach. it shouldn't affect him so deeply, hearing that silence fill the negative space of that suffix he'd been so used to hearing by now. he looks at the table himself, the empty space where his bowl had been.
his pulse is rabbiting. his heart squeezes like a fist. his cheeks are a light pink, even in candlelight. and childe... ]
Archons are not infallible. We all have our weaknesses, however small or insignificant.
[ i mean, look at barbatos. idly, zhongli sets his fingers at the base of his glass of water, running his thumb over the condensation gathered there, watching it drip. (nervous? there's no way.)]
I gave you my advice. What you do with it is up to you, Childe.
[ if he understands it, zhongli is telling him to try it again. ]
[That causes his brow to furrow; Childe glances up at him before he quite realizes he's done it, though he looks away again quickly, hopefully before Zhongli notices. Unfortunately, his gaze naturally follows Zhongli's line of sight, and he, too, finds himself staring at the water glass in Zhongli's hand. Maybe he'd be blushing too, but he's not really registering what he's seeing, too caught up in his thoughts.
There are a lot of ways he could reply without actually saying anything at all, but... Childe's always preferred being straightforward, so.]
I don't--understand what you're trying to tell me.
[He's been praised and condemned in equal measure for his supposed "silver tongue", and it's true that he's typically good with his words. Born from an enjoyment of storytelling, later a necessity for survival as a Harbinger--often, he can pick up on underlying meanings and codes, even if he doesn't necessarily know what he's listening to. One of the few consolations he'd taken from the whole Osial incident was that Zhongli had felt the need to enlist Signora's help to keep him distracted and deceived in the first place.
It doesn't really feel like they're talking about fooling the ambassador, anymore. Not just about that, anyway. But Zhongli's words aren't making sense. Weaknesses? Is he saying that because he understands what's going on, and he's trying to be reassuring in some weirdly distant way? Or is Childe simply too accustomed to reading into things, and he's trying to search for some hidden meaning that simply isn't there?
It would be easy to blame his uncertainty on Zhongli--it is, after all, because of him. But Childe can't bring himself to do that.
He's never been good at wanting things he can't have. That's not Zhongli's fault.
It's probably a little unfair to ask for explicit clarity when he's the one acting weird and dancing around an answer as to why. But... well. Fairness isn't really one of his virtues, so here they are.]
[ of course. zhongli brings his hand away from the glass and pinches between his eyes. he sighs deeply, collecting himself. the cold on his fingertips doesn't help. it's bad enough that zhongli is botching his attempt to push childe in (what seems to be) the right direction. is there a dignified way of telling someone, There are ways in which I'm weak and can still be flustered, if only you would try? And, Whether you see it or not, you've already succeeded many times?
this was easier before he had met guizhong. he might not have felt a thing for this mortal, talented as he was. he might have given him what he wanted, simply to snuff him out and rid the world of an insect.
guizhong instead softened morax's heart of stone, rolling him along the bottom of the riverbed, softening his hard edges. his heart is left scratched and cracked and crumbled with age—but still burning hot as he remembers how childe said his name.
his feelings are cottony and cloying under his ribs. they almost make him feel sick, as if rebelling the further he veers from where he means to go. maybe straightforwardness is best despite zhongli's niggling doubts: that he is a replacement and a plaything, that the evening is meant to be a ruse and not a romance, that childe's nerves and flushed cheeks were only a symptom of inexperience. maybe he should ask instead of guiding childe by his hand and leading him astray. maybe he should admit that a part of him—the god of war and contracts, the oldest of the archons, rex lapis, morax—fears being the desperate, jealous fool in all of this, despite all of the obvious signals that he isn't.
(unbeknownst to him, a faint light is creeping gently up from his collar on the side of his neck. it draws a familiar shape onto his skin, as if being filled by water. and it will undoubtedly get worse.) ]
Nevermind it. [ no. why is he saying this. ] We shouldn't continue if you're uncomfortable. We'll meet with the ambassador. Afterwards, I'll go elsewhere on the ship so as not to rouse suspicion.
[Zhongli: I'm dropping hints that I'm in love with Childe Zhongli: Childe, we all have our flaws--
No okay. Briefly, he looks... not annoyed, exactly, but something like it. Why does Zhongli get to bring this up, box him in and tear off his masks, then put it all aside as he pleases? It's not like Childe isn't used to Archon behavior, but he's admittedly still a little sensitive about being jerked around by Zhongli, specifically.
It's not really irritation so much as Childe's complete inability to not push limits that drives him to look at Zhongli again, opening his mouth--but whatever it is he'd planned to say dies on his tongue as his gaze catches on that odd glow.]
Uh, xia--Zhongli? [A part of him wants to reach out and touch, despite how ridiculously hyperaware he's been of their every point of contact all evening.] Are you--
[--sorry, no, forget every crisis he's been having about touching and proximity and all of that, he's immediately reaching out to yank Zhongli's collar out of the way, if Zhongli lets him do so.]
I didn't do that! [--Oh, shit. People are looking at them. Hastily, he lowers his voice.] How did you do that? What are you doing?!
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no subject
zhongli hadn't taken into account just how long childe had kept himself leaned in, with the two of them murmuring surreptitiously. that warm breath at his ear and neck are suddenly gone, and zhongli can feel its absence, cool where it once was.
but anyway. that doesn't mean anything. (or it does. zhongli is slowly starting to put it together.)
childe slips down and zhongli turns to meet him, arms still crossed. there are still questions to be asked on his end as well, most of which will probably come later. he turns his gaze to the floor, carefully crafting his words. ]
You may have heard of Guili Assembly. Their goddess was named Guizhong. ...She was closer to being my partner than anyone else in my lifetime.
[ was it romantic? probably in a sense. were they gods who went through the normal dating process? no way.
looking back to childe. ]
I'm not sure why it would be hard to believe that I've never had a romantic relationship before. [ archons are pretty busy. ] And yourself?
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[???
Why does that name sound so familiar...
...
!!!]
2/3
--Ah. He sure did indirectly destroy that thing, didn't he. That's probably a little awkward.]
3/3
Well, because-- [...Just, because. Because!! What's he supposed to do, explain? Out loud? Absolutely not.
He waves a hand impatiently.] Never mind. To answer your question--hah. I joined the Fatui when I was fourteen.
[So, no, obviously not. But it makes a lot more sense for him, surely? He barely even has friends.
With a sigh, he rests a hand on his hip, studying the man across from him. This is what he gets for trying to scheme, instead of just marching into the funeral parlor and demanding Zhongli's hand in combat. Maybe if he'd been very persuasive...
--Right. Work. Focus.]
Look, you needn't worry. You know how to put on a show, and I know what I'm doing. [DOES HE??] I don't think anyone would expect any overly affectionate displays from you, so you'll just have to tolerate me a little more than usual.
[LOCAL MAN FULL OF MISPLACED CONFIDENCE, SEVERELY UNDERESTIMATES WHAT HE IS GETTING INTO, NEWS AT 12]
1/2
2/2
the idea that zhongli had given some false impression that he's dated around is out of the question. perhaps there were rumors, some misguided piece of literature—something childe had gotten ahold of in his wide network of associates. if it wasn't any of that, zhongli could only guess it was one other thing. (gayness.)
the subject is quickly changed. zhongli doesn't chase it, only watching childe inquisitively—a sign that he would remember this, as he does with all other things. this may not be the last time they hear of it.
zhongli smiles a little. good luck childe!! ]
Mm. It's admirable, how you speak so confidently with little experience. Or any, in fact.
[ zhongli isn't a whole lot more experienced than him, but at least he's had several hundred years' worth of watching mortals come together and fall in love. the zhongli of this era might have also had a hand in some of these relationships—the delivery of letters and flowers and trinkets, the payment of debts from a spouse wrought with illness.
but seeing is a far cry from doing. how would it be, pretending to be in love with childe, accepting his (false) affections? zhongli takes him in again—blue and white and orange, eyes shining bright. his chest clenches again, unbidden. one thought remains—there had to be another way of doing this. childe chose this instead, knowing what they would have to do. how far would they go to keep up the charade, and would they be convincing at all? it was all yet to be seen. ]
I'll be patient. [ he always is. but that also depends on what childe tries to do. ] I'll admit I'm interested in seeing how you approach this plan of yours. Are you trying to convince someone in particular? The ambassador from Fontaine, perhaps?
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Childe makes a face, because Zhongli is so obviously making fun of him, like a butthead. "Admirable" his ass... this is the same damn vibe Zhongli has when he's letting Childe suffer stubbornly through chopsticks because he "needs to practice or he'll never truly appreciate Liyue cuisine"...]
Ah, xiansheng, there's a lot of overlap between intimacy and relationships for us mortals, you know? No need to make me sound completely inept.
["I've never actually dated anyone" is not the same thing as "I have no experience whatsoever"--but he grins, then, a touch rueful.] Anyway, I've had good role models. I know what love looks like.
[His parents are just as in love these days as they've always been, after all, and Childe wasn't always the way he is today. Zhongli doesn't know that, and probably never will, but no matter. Hell, maybe it's even for the best if Zhongli underestimates him--it would be a lie to say the thought of actually flustering Zhongli, for once, isn't a little intoxicating. Surely this is a normal thing to think about a person you are platonically obsessed with.
(Seeing is a far cry from doing, that's true--but Childe does seem to genuinely believe what he's saying. This will make it extra ironic when they actually have to start up this charade and Childe realizes he is not, in fact, prepared for any of this whatsoever.)
More importantly, he nods.]
Mm, that's the one. Normally I'd ask Katya to deal with something like this, but she's got her hands full with other things. [And, as he'd more-or-less said, Zhongli kind of owes him. So.] The madame is a notorious romantic with excellent connections to the Lazurite trade. She's been known oversee lavish custom orders for noble families all over Teyvat.
[It's not really about the jewels, of course. It's about establishing overt, legitimate connections, an in-route and a cover for their less than ethical activities elsewhere in the region. But it would be stupid to say that out loud, and Zhongli probably already knows it anyway.]
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hopefully you've been practicing your chopsticks so you can eat properly in front of the madame, childe ☺️
anyway. childe knew this already: anything that crossed a sailor's mouth was passed onward to its crew, the vendors, their customers, the officials—would quickly be brought to zhongli's attention one way or another. he had heard the news from ningguang herself after a summons to the jade chamber to discuss it, among other topics relating to the transition of adeptal responsibilities to their mortal counterparts. he was likely one of the first to know, and the timing of childe's invitation was just unfortunate.
in terms of intimacy, there had been some mortals and other beings vying for his attention—most for the affections and accolades that come with being the lover of the great geo archon; others as a genuine consequence of rex lapis's compassion and service to his people; and others still whose religious affiliations had bled into their hearts, parasocial in nature, praying for his living presence to descend. all archons had to deal with something like this. zhongli would never fraternize with mortals in this way, but it would be reconsidered for adeptal beings.
zhongli still had never been with more than a handful of them. most were put off by the idea of negotiating a contract before getting to bed.
several points of their conversation catch his interest, yet one thing supersedes those topics all at once. he stares, processing the thought; even childe's explanation regarding the fontaine official comes out of focus, as if heard underwater. so zhongli had been a substitute, already conveniently situated in liyue. it all makes more sense now.
it shouldn't bother him. whatever brief flash of shock he had felt, only shown in the subtle widening of eyes and lifting of brows, gets quickly withdrawn. a part of him wants to go back on his word, say he's suddenly decided that it isn't worth the colossal effort it would take to execute—yet not only would it rouse suspicion, it would also be a breach of his morals. he gave his word and that was it.
he looks back toward the party, for no reason other than to look at it. really. ]
I see. [ disappointment? never heard of her ] And so you were hoping to gain access to her network.
[ he's still murmuring, keeping the conversation to themselves. he sees the fontaine's madame now, garishly dressed, wearing stones of every kind, throwing her head back as she laughs too loudly. zhongli was averse to these kinds of people, but he knew how to speak with them if he had to. he's not doing the heavy lifting here anyway.
he lets his arms fall to his sides and takes a slow step away from the banister, still keeping his gaze away from childe, whether he notices or not. ]
I've had enough. Let's join the other guests. [ not that he's giving childe a real choice about it. ] You can tell me of your 'role models' in the meantime. I don't imagine that they're members of the Fatui.
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Well shit now he feels a tiny bit bad and he doesn't even really know why. DAMN IT ZHONGLI. THIS IS HIS PETTY REVENGE, DON'T MAKE HIM FEEL IMMATURE EVEN THOUGH HE IS DEFINITELY BEING IMMATURE.
Perhaps if either of them stopped to think about it for more than 5 seconds, they would realize that no, actually, Zhongli is not anywhere near the most convenient choice--but Childe certainly isn't going to do that, because untangling his Zhongli emotions is not on his to-do list at this time.
Instead, he sighs, as if to clear away the offer for an out resting on the tip of his tongue. It's too late now, unless he were to throw the entire mission for the sake of--what, a shred of honor? The memory of a friendship that wasn't wholly genuine on either side? No.
Zhongli says he's had enough, so... showtime, it seems. Gods. Maybe Zhongli just thinks he's going to take the chance to be over-the-top embarrassing, which would be funny but ultimately detrimental to his goals. Once they're in it, they'll probably be fine. Right? Right.]
Let's go, then. [Moving forward, and reaching out!! If Zhongli doesn't stop him, then he'll seize one of Zhongli's hands and lace their fingers together.] I suppose I really haven't told you much about my parents, have I?
[So, no, not Fatui at all. Even though Childe will definitely gossip about Vlad and Nadia at some point during the evening, because he is a good boss who pays attention to his agents even if he doesn't let them meet 90% of the time.
ANYWAY. Off they go!!]
1/2
but he also hadn't thought about this part—when childe suddenly catches his hand and weaves their fingers together, firmly grasping the row of his knuckles. zhongli slows with surprise the moment it happens, looking at their joined hands and then at childe as he matches his stride. his fingers are loose, but childe still holds them.
it's part of the act, he tells himself. it's a small gesture done even by children, by elders and their progeny, by close friends keeping a secret or giving comfort. it means nothing, yet there's a flurry of feeling when it happens, warm and cottony in his chest. nothing has ever felt like that before.
he catches himself before he stares for too long. he brings himself out of his thoughts and feelings, closing his finger's over childe's hand and continuing to walk them into the party, ignoring the little feelings sparking in his chest like striking matches. anyway. anyway!
"my parents." so that's where he learned about love. there's a little comfort in knowing childe would talk about something very personal to him. he looked forward to those conversations the most.
a smile eases on his lips, whether he likes it or not. ]
You've spoken of them in relation to your siblings. I haven't heard much else.
[ their spectacle does draw the eye of passersby, and they earn a mixture of concerned and pleasant looks. zhongli leads them into the fray, paying no mind. ]
2/2
did zhongli really mind any of this? the feelings came and went like smoke, still a mystery to him, but it wasn't unbearable. any conversations they held with other guests seemed innocuous enough, with any comments about their 'relationship' being answered by childe—sometimes with a bald-faced lie, other times drawing from their authentic friendship. childe remembered things that zhongli never guessed he would.
zhongli can't help considering it, inciting sharp tugs beneath his ribs. once, childe lays his hand over his fist on the table, and he considers turning his hand over to take it in his grasp. he has to put on a show, doesn't he?
as they finish their orders, the guest of honor moves between guests like a spinning dancer—in fact, she's quite near their table as they stack their plates and push them aside. he leans in to murmur near his companion's shoulder. ]
Would you like to speak with her? I can introduce you.
1/2
It's not because he doesn't want to, really. In fact, he's happily tactile under certain circumstances. He'll carry a child on his shoulders with no hesitation, and he claps his agents on the shoulder every now and then, mostly because he finds their reactions entertaining. But for the most part, it's a simple fact of Childe's life that if someone is in his personal space, they're probably trying to kill him. He's spent too long wearing hypervigilance as a second skin to permit anyone, even people like Xiangling or Hu Tao (or Zhongli, for that matter, back then) into his space easily.
To say nothing of intimate touch, though perhaps that's an overdramatic description for what they're doing. Holding hands, leaning close, all simple gestures that normal people do with their partners. Things that, Childe figured, would be easy enough to initiate. He hadn't been lying when he'd oh-so confidently declared that he knew what love looked like, and the sweet stories of his parents that he shares with Zhongli as they wander are entirely truthful. On top of all of that, he does enjoy a good performance--especially a harmless one that he knows he's putting on from the beginning. They were close enough, once, that faking a deeper relationship was supposed to be easy. It should've been fine.
Immediately, it is not fine.
Zhongli isn't the only one who falters when their fingers tangle, which is... unexpected, for one thing. A little embarrassing, for another. It's just handholding. They're both wearing gloves!!! It makes absolutely no sense for him to be suddenly, acutely aware of Zhongli's proximity. He's always admired Zhongli's hands, sure, but that's no reason that finally (finally?) touching one should stir up weird sensations in his chest. What--is he getting embarrassed now? About his own plan? That would be ridiculous.]
Well--[What was he saying? Oh, yes. His parents.]--I hope you don't mind if I'm the one talking your ear off for a change, then.
[Right. Focus. Easy. It'll just take a minute to get used to their roles, that's all. Shake it off, Tartaglia. It'll get easier.]
2/2
Somehow, it gets harder. The wandering, the chatting--that's all fine, normal. They'd spend so many evenings doing precisely this when he'd been stationed in Liyue, and Childe's always found it dangerously easy to fall into Zhongli's orbit. Zhongli is just... magnetic. And no matter how human he tries to appear, Childe doesn't think he'll ever be able to rid himself of that quietly powerful aura. It's impossible to miss now that he knows what to look for, and for someone like Childe, there's little else more enticing. It makes it terribly easy to want to stay near him, to talk, to listen. That isn't the hard part.
No, the hard part is this: the fact that Childe is indisputably, irrevocably in over his head, and there's nothing he can do about it now.
The first incident, he'd written off as pre-performance nerves. But that excuse had fallen apart so quickly. Every time he'd felt his face heat up whenever he'd realized, abruptly, how close they were. Every time he'd had to steel himself to touch Zhongli like a lover would, no matter how simple or chaste the gesture. Every time his breath caught when he'd glanced over, just in time to see the light catch Zhongli's eyes just so.
The odd sensations in his chest aren't nerves, or embarrassment. Not really. It hadn't taken him long to realize that, and then... well. Childe's inexperienced, sure, but he's not oblivious, and he's not the type to avoid acknowledging the obvious either.
(Though... it's a little strange. Sure, he's never had these feelings himself until now, but... are they supposed to be quite this sharp? This kind of relentless pull? It's a lot like fighting their Anemoboxers, actually--but that's not romantic, so no wonder nobody's described it like that in stories. Hunh.)
But they've already committed to this. They locked themselves in the moment they rejoined the group with their fingers intertwined, in full view of Ningguang and Beidou and everyone else on the ship. They're too far in to abandon the lie for a new strategy. He'll just have to deal with it, and Zhongli can make fun of him in private later.
At least he'd had the foresight to paint them as old friends turned new lovers, a convenient excuse for any awkward stumbles--though it's a double-edged sword, because it means he needs to play the part of someone enamored with a new paramour. They're lucky Zhongli has a reputation as a distinguished gentleman, or else they'd probably have to be even more touchy than they have been so far, and Childe genuinely doesn't know what he'd do then. Perish on the spot, maybe? Imagine having to kiss Zhongli just to sell an act.
--Wait, actually, no. He is not going to imagine that. He does not need to spiral any further than he already has.
Gods. It would be so much easier if he hated this.
The meal is a welcome respite, but it passes too quickly. All too soon, Zhongli is leaning close to him again, and Childe has to curl his fingers into his palms to focus on what he's saying. Fortunately, it works--Childe's too disciplined to let his gaze snap over to her, so he takes a steadying breath before he turns his head to meet Zhongli's eyes. Who'd have ever thought he'd need to brace himself just to look at the man? He's never allowed to have ideas ever again.]
Now's as good a time as any, I think. I'll leave it to you.
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since he began living his mortal life, zhongli's found agreeable and eager audiences in every corner of his harbor. he knew the names of the merchants, the routes of the ships that sail from her port, the source of every ingredient of every dish he's savored. liyue's residents flocked to him for his facts and stories—whether or not they were true, as historians would argue with him over his uncorroborated accounts and seemingly encyclopedic knowledge of things barely understood.
there were many things that might have pulled the citizenry towards him, attempting to curry favor or argue or simply enjoy his placid company. he knew this logically.
but childe's constant presence in his life was a precious anomaly. he was had and used by one of his own, and his business in liyue seemed to be finished. while childe still bemoaned the situation, he willingly and regularly visited zhongli, far from his home and his missions. invitations for spars aside, childe spoke in bright smiles and animated expressions, conversed with him about history and philosophy, introduced him to things outside of his liyue that an old and mortal ex-god would not be privy to. zhongli was only now beginning to exist in the present. childe was already there, offering his hand, drawing him in like a current.
he was still like this even now. whatever aura surrounded zhongli, childe makes up for it in charm and wit. he never falters in conversation, carefully balancing confidence and humility, sharing a far more human connection than zhongli could ever hope to accomplish. at times he allows childe to hold conversations afloat, watching as the one he's conversing with warms to him like a fire against a bitter cold, no matter their affiliation to and opinion of the fatui. zhongli felt this about him from the moment they met.
zhongli is able to swallow back any rush of blood to his cheeks—he could logic his way through just about anything. and yet, when childe would pull him against his shoulder or his chest, that feeling beneath his ribs would suddenly erupt. it's all he can do to stifle it before childe can notice his ancient heart beating against him, trying to force its way out.
he saw childe's occasional and subtle faltering, only noticeable by somehow who knew him well. at times, there would be a deeper shade of pink on his cheeks, and not simply from the night's sea-breeze and ocean spray. somehow, their eyes always seemed to slip past one another's, never able to catch hold even as zhongli's reach for him. childe wore it differently, but zhongli's seen it enough times to recognize it for what it is. but it couldn't be.
occasionally the sobering fact that he's here as a substitute would crop up (even though it's not a fact you stupid old man) and whisper itself back into existence. his countenance towards childe would briefly ice over, and he would turn his attention back to the other guests. he noticed that he did this. for once, his disappointment couldn't be helped.
he had only one previous point of reference for these feelings. it was enough to be sure of what this all meant.
their night would end. there would need to be a story crafted once the night finally ends and the sun dawns again on liyue harbor. would they meet again after this? would it be the same as before? would he have to mourn their friendship like so many other things on his life?
childe is hesitating before he raises his head to zhongli. he can see it. instead of inviting them away from their table, zhongli keeps still and holds childe's gaze once he has it. in liyue, they never gave looking at the other a second thought, wiling the night away with food and wine and stories and small games. now, even that became a vulnerability, like it might betray too much if the other searched long enough. it was as much childe's doing as it was his own.
childe's suit is still incandescently white. his eyes are so blue. ]
...You seem uneasy.
[ a thought raises to mind. zhongli smiles a little, attempting to assuage the situation. they can get rid of any misconceptions. zhongli can stop thinking that this is more than what it is. (if it's true, what then?) ]
I never would have guessed that this would be what makes you falter. Perhaps your parents' influence wasn't enough after all.
no subject
For now, though--Zhongli's words are more sobering than they're probably intended to be, and Childe laughs softly.]
That can't possibly be a revelation, xiansheng. [A quip, lighthearted, skirting around the edges of something too fragile to address directly. He isn't ashamed of the sort of person he is, but it's not like he doesn't know how it makes his family feel, either. There are a thousand reasons he'll lie to Teucer for as long as he possibly can, and that's one of them.
If his parents' influence had been enough for anything, he wouldn't have ever ended up in Liyue in the first place. Funny, that.
Still, it puts him on edge, a little. He really should've expected this, but he's still not used to being so easily seen. It's easy to deal with when nobody's truly looking; apparently, he'd forgotten what it felt like to be the subject of Zhongli's scrutiny.
It's difficult to hold Zhongli's gaze, but it feels a little like a challenge, so he does.]
It's fine. Just--what's that saying you have? 画虎类犬? [He's arrogant, but only because he's always acknowledged his failures and weaknesses, working to overcome them. This is no different. (Just--not in the way he's choosing to frame it.)] I'd only meant to give you a hard time, but it seems like this isn't my wheelhouse after all.
[It's not a lie. It just. Has nothing to do with why he's acting like this.]
no subject
the conversation rolls onward. childe instead admits to his failures, almost effectively shutting down the conversation. zhongli makes a weak attempt to lighten the mood. ]
You were hoping to take revenge in addition to swaying the ambassador in your favor.
[ childe's accomplished this more times than he probably knew. zhongli cooly went along with this plan, knowing that he gave his word and that any resistance would be rebuffed, even when he knew that his feelings had deepened beyond his reach, a leash suddenly let loose.
zhongli gives in. he's the first to look away, watching the ambassador and the rabble surrounding her. ]
It isn't in your wheelhouse to act as if you're lovers with someone? Or to fluster me this way, if that was your goal?
no subject
Zhongli's words do work as a more pleasant distraction, though. When he grins again, it's much closer to his usual, more genuine cheer.]
Ahaha, both, I suppose--but I should've known there was no chance of throwing you off-kilter! If I hadn't seen the way you are around Miss Director, I would've thought you were impossible to ruffle at all.
[That, and he maybe should've stopped to realize that he's a little too obsessed with the idea of breaking Zhongli's composure and getting under his skin, like, before he wrote that stupid invitation later. That might've been helpful.]
no subject
it feels like he's laughing it off, like he's willing to drop it the moment zhongli asks if they should.
his chest twists. he won't be the first to bring it up. a part of him won't allow it. the words dredge up his throat and reach his mouth with less thought than what's normally duly given to them. ]
I'll tell you what I've observed. [ whether he wants to hear it or not. childe is so stupid. he doesn't know what he did, how he looked, how zhongli had been watching him, what he inferred about him, not at all— ]
Each time you reached out to me, your hold was stiff and unsure. You looked at me often, yet you hardly met my eye until now. You continue to refer to me as 'xiansheng.' You were almost lacking confidence at times.
[ zhongli furrows his brow, searching childe's face as if seeing it for the first time. ]
Yet I'm not sure why.
[ except he is. he's laying the evidence out there. if childe wants to argue with it, he can. that's his out. ]
Perhaps it was my doing.
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It's clear, immediately, that he's caught off-guard by Zhongli's response. Whatever he'd been expecting, this wasn't it--his eyes are wide as Zhongli lays out everything he's picked up on, mouth slightly parted like he'd interject if only he could remember how to speak.
But... this probably shouldn't feel so shocking. Zhongli is the very embodiment of Geo, after all. He isn't like Childe--fluid and ever-changing as a rip current, quick as lightning when the mood strikes him. No, Zhongli is steady and patient, an unwavering force too solid to get swept away by the tide.
If their blades ever do clash, they will be the very picture of an unstoppable force and an immovable object. Childe wants it more than he's wanted anything in a long time, but he does not anticipate winning that fight. He wouldn't have intended to win this one, either, but that's because he didn't expect he'd have to. He'd never actually anticipated Zhongli would... do whatever it is he's trying to do, here.
Embarrass him? It doesn't feel like that's his intention, but he'd be a fool to write off the notion entirely. Unravel a curiosity? Maybe. But Childe still finds it hard to believe that Zhongli's truly as inexperienced as he claims to be. If he's noticed this much, surely it can't be a stretch to figure out the root cause.
...Maybe Zhongli's just humble. Childe's seen him deny his expertise on matters no other living being could possibly comprehend as well as he--perhaps that's more genuine than he'd assumed, and Zhongli truly doesn't think other people might... y'know.
Or maybe the absurdity is that it's Childe acting this way. That's far more reasonable, he thinks. Harbingers aren't exactly known for their warm hearts, after all, and--well, his family is one thing, but surely he's given Zhongli no other cause to think he's any different from his colleagues. They are just as cold and untouchable as their Archon, a cold front sweeping across Teyvat in her name. It would make sense if Zhongli's brought this up because the picture his puzzle pieces have formed is simply unbelievable.
(He carefully doesn't acknowledge the possibility that Zhongli's simply asking because he cares.)
Silence falls between them, the noise of the crowd barely more than dull static now. Whatever levity he'd regained is gone. Childe looks away, down at the table between them--he doesn't often let tension show, but trying to hide it now feels like a waste of effort.
Eventually, quietly:]
...I'm not sure what you want me to say, Zhongli.
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admittedly, zhongli met childe with many preconceptions. despite being exposed to the deep complexities of the human race, morax's old habits were hard to overturn even now: compartmentalizing, organizing, making sense of things. he thought he had seen enough of human nature to understand what they all were like down to their core. guizhong was the first to change that. many after her continued her lesson, childe among them.
his assessments of childe might have been correct in the beginning. the surprise came after—when rex lapis was laid to rest and signora left liyue for the last time, gnosis in hand. he couldn't have predicted who would draw back the open chair at his table at wanmin restaurant—who would sit beside him, beam at him, and offer a small wave in greeting. Surprised?
it's difficult enough to surprise an archon, let alone the eldest one. apparently zhongli had more lessons to learn.
if these feeling were sewn back then, they blossomed now, watching childe admit to what's happened without naming his feelings. they were on the precipice of that something different he had thought about when the evening began, and zhongli had decided to seize it. childe had nothing to hide. against all logic, knowing it would never last, zhongli did care, and he wouldn't refuse him.
childe says his name and only that, nothing else to set him above or out of reach. it shouldn't affect him so deeply, hearing that silence fill the negative space of that suffix he'd been so used to hearing by now. he looks at the table himself, the empty space where his bowl had been.
his pulse is rabbiting. his heart squeezes like a fist. his cheeks are a light pink, even in candlelight. and childe... ]
Archons are not infallible. We all have our weaknesses, however small or insignificant.
[ i mean, look at barbatos. idly, zhongli sets his fingers at the base of his glass of water, running his thumb over the condensation gathered there, watching it drip. (nervous? there's no way.)]
I gave you my advice. What you do with it is up to you, Childe.
[ if he understands it, zhongli is telling him to try it again. ]
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There are a lot of ways he could reply without actually saying anything at all, but... Childe's always preferred being straightforward, so.]
I don't--understand what you're trying to tell me.
[He's been praised and condemned in equal measure for his supposed "silver tongue", and it's true that he's typically good with his words. Born from an enjoyment of storytelling, later a necessity for survival as a Harbinger--often, he can pick up on underlying meanings and codes, even if he doesn't necessarily know what he's listening to. One of the few consolations he'd taken from the whole Osial incident was that Zhongli had felt the need to enlist Signora's help to keep him distracted and deceived in the first place.
It doesn't really feel like they're talking about fooling the ambassador, anymore. Not just about that, anyway. But Zhongli's words aren't making sense. Weaknesses? Is he saying that because he understands what's going on, and he's trying to be reassuring in some weirdly distant way? Or is Childe simply too accustomed to reading into things, and he's trying to search for some hidden meaning that simply isn't there?
It would be easy to blame his uncertainty on Zhongli--it is, after all, because of him. But Childe can't bring himself to do that.
He's never been good at wanting things he can't have. That's not Zhongli's fault.
It's probably a little unfair to ask for explicit clarity when he's the one acting weird and dancing around an answer as to why. But... well. Fairness isn't really one of his virtues, so here they are.]
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this was easier before he had met guizhong. he might not have felt a thing for this mortal, talented as he was. he might have given him what he wanted, simply to snuff him out and rid the world of an insect.
guizhong instead softened morax's heart of stone, rolling him along the bottom of the riverbed, softening his hard edges. his heart is left scratched and cracked and crumbled with age—but still burning hot as he remembers how childe said his name.
his feelings are cottony and cloying under his ribs. they almost make him feel sick, as if rebelling the further he veers from where he means to go. maybe straightforwardness is best despite zhongli's niggling doubts: that he is a replacement and a plaything, that the evening is meant to be a ruse and not a romance, that childe's nerves and flushed cheeks were only a symptom of inexperience. maybe he should ask instead of guiding childe by his hand and leading him astray. maybe he should admit that a part of him—the god of war and contracts, the oldest of the archons, rex lapis, morax—fears being the desperate, jealous fool in all of this, despite all of the obvious signals that he isn't.
(unbeknownst to him, a faint light is creeping gently up from his collar on the side of his neck. it draws a familiar shape onto his skin, as if being filled by water. and it will undoubtedly get worse.) ]
Nevermind it. [ no. why is he saying this. ] We shouldn't continue if you're uncomfortable. We'll meet with the ambassador. Afterwards, I'll go elsewhere on the ship so as not to rouse suspicion.
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Zhongli: Childe, we all have our flaws--
No okay. Briefly, he looks... not annoyed, exactly, but something like it. Why does Zhongli get to bring this up, box him in and tear off his masks, then put it all aside as he pleases? It's not like Childe isn't used to Archon behavior, but he's admittedly still a little sensitive about being jerked around by Zhongli, specifically.
It's not really irritation so much as Childe's complete inability to not push limits that drives him to look at Zhongli again, opening his mouth--but whatever it is he'd planned to say dies on his tongue as his gaze catches on that odd glow.]
Uh, xia--Zhongli? [A part of him wants to reach out and touch, despite how ridiculously hyperaware he's been of their every point of contact all evening.] Are you--
I lied 2/3
It's not just a vague, Magical Archon-y light. Nor is it a Geo symbol. It's blue? That's odd. Hey, that shape looks familiar. It kind of looks like--]
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I didn't do that! [--Oh, shit. People are looking at them. Hastily, he lowers his voice.] How did you do that? What are you doing?!
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I'm so glad I iconed all the chibi stickers yesterday
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you can assume zhongli takes him to another room idk this is too long and i rewrote it a bunch
LMKSJDGHKH both of us watching our tags spiral out of control
1/2 HONESTLY
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this is so long excuse me...
LMFSDKJHG in this house we trade novels
YEAH.... YUP
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the way my paid ran out and I'm left with like 90% chibi icons lmfdksjghjkhsg
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nice fall out boy reference
JHDFKJSHGK I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE
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I would LOVE if dw would stop giving me errors every time I comment
I KNOW FR i'm back to writing in my notes app
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