[ there is no biting response or purposeful, goading resistance. zhongli lets his eyes wander plainly, and the familiar curve of childe's smiling lips brings a cloying warmth in his chest. snide and beautiful, not unlike every other time he bore witness to it.
zhongli kisses him, head canted, breathing in. again, childe is receptive more than greedy, giving zhongli his reigns and only responding in kind as if he had been waiting for this. after all of that talk of pain and longing, to feel indulged himself is sweet. it's unfamiliar, but it reads as a show of precious trust. zhongli almost thinks of pulling away, going slower, savoring him, but he had wanted the blood on his lip and hair twisted in his fingers. he still wants to drive him mad, if he can.
some part of him had wanted to revive those dark intentions and desires, thinking that they're what childe wants from him and something easily granted. still, even if childe doesn't respond, the sound of his moan in zhongli's mouth is more than enough.
childe's hands blindly go to the front of his trousers, unbuttoning and opening with urgency as zhongli pushes his hot tongue past his lips. there's a moment of his, touching teeth, still tasting blood as it beads on his lip. still bracing his arm beside childe's head, zhongli slowly ends their kiss, licking traces of saliva from his lips. then his mouth travels downward, briefly closing over the angry, pulsing mark on childe's neck. he turns his head, does the same to the opposite side near his collarbone, and sucks a bruise onto his skin.
his hands grasp the belt loops of childe's pants, pulling them down to his knees if he allows it. ]
[Even pliant as he currently is, there are still signs of that wild, untamable nature in everything he does. The way he urges Zhongli's tongue into his mouth, only to push back again in turn, sharing the taste of blood between them. The way he shoves Zhongli's pants down only as far as he needs to in order to finally, finally get a hand on his cock.
He shudders as he curls his fingers, as if touching Zhongli brings him the same level of pleasure that touching himself would. Instinctively, he tries to look down, but it's impossible when Zhongli's got his teeth in him--more importantly, when Childe doesn't want him to stop.
There isn't a single person on this ship who isn't going to know what happened in here when they leave this room. They are extremely lucky that Childe finds that thought exhilarating.
His free hand finds its way back into Zhongli's hair; if there's anything left of his lovely style from earlier, it's not going to last much longer. It's a little awkward, then, since he doesn't want to let go of Zhongli, but Childe does lift his hips up to make it easier. Zhongli can do whatever he likes with their clothes--at this point, Childe's pretty sure Zhongli could shred them and talk him into swimming back to the city.]
[ that momentum from before is finally making its return with their hurried hands and hot, desperate kisses. childe pushes his pants and wraps his hand around the length of his cock, and it's a shock of arousal through his hips and up his middle. he breaks their kisses, sighing shakily against childe's cheek, and that's when he moves to bite into his neck. zhongli's hair is entirely undone by this point, loosened from its hair tie and disheveled over his forehead. he shines with sweat.
childe's ministrations don't last long. zhongli reaches for his wrist and squeezes for him to let go. hopefully he does; if so, zhongli is free to sit up on his knees, close childe's legs in front of him, and move his legs beside one of his hips. childe's pants come up and off quickly, fingers scraping as they travel from thigh to ankle. afterwards, his pants are tossed elsewhere on the floor.
the thought of lube should have come to mind earlier. there's nothing that they can use here, at least to his knowledge. he closes his eyes and quickly wets three long fingers in his mouth. they drip as they come apart from his lips, and he dives them again between childe's legs.
zhongli presses his middle finger to childe's entrance, prodding gently before he twists it inside. the tightness draws him in, hot and pulsing. he pushes down to his knuckle and presses his palm between childe's legs.
he pauses, letting the feeling sit as he watches childe acclimate to the feeling. briefly, childe's murmured words from earlier come to mind, skipping a shiver down his spine. don't be gentle. part of him wonders if he shouldn't stop at all. perhaps he should give into the inclination to keep rocking his hand in and out of him, find where it pleases him the most, fuck him relentlessly with his fingers. what would he look like? how would he sound?
zhongli cleans his lips again, his throat dry. his resolve to act civilly rebuilt itself when they talked about guizhong, and again those fissures were opening. he remembered the way childe gasped and hummed and arched against the wall, scraping his back and sucking his fingers. irresistible, he thinks, wrapping his free fingers around childe's cock and tugging.
everyone outside would see the mark on his neck, if they didn't suspect them already. none of them mattered to him in this moment. ]
[It's mostly curiosity that has him acquiescing--but even as he lets Zhongli pull his wrist away, his eyes narrow, sharp and assessing. He's a patient man, but he has his limits. He wants to touch. Zhongli had better have a good reason for stopping him.
That watchful expression falls off his face quickly, though, replaced by open surprise. He watches with wide, dark eyes and parted, bloodied lips as Zhongli wets his fingers. Even so, it's not until Zhongli's back between his legs that he truly registers what's going on--when he does, his hands fly to Zhongli's shoulders, searching for purchase in dark, glowing skin.
Somehow, despite everything, he hadn't actually thought they'd do this here. But Zhongli's surprised him so many times tonight. What's one more to add to the pile?]
Fuck-- Zhongli--
[Any little quips or comments he would normally make are entirely lost, all his attention centered on Zhongli's nimble fingers. Every movement he makes seems to channel electricity straight through his nerves, whether it's twisting on the bed to help Zhongli adjust the angle of his fingers or pressing his hips upwards to keep Zhongli's hand on his cock.
Fortunately for them both, Childe is almost unnaturally adaptable--between that and his pain tolerance (preference?), it's not that long before the sounds he's making are pleased and encouraging. Don't be gentle, he'd said, and it's clear that that wasn't just false bravado.
Being immensely turned on probably helps too.
Unable to help himself, he uses his grip on Zhongli's shoulders to pull himself up, just far enough to look down at what Zhongli's doing.]
Fuck. [Again--but much more reverent this time, transfixed by the sight of Zhongli's burnished skin in contrast to his own. The scars on Childe's legs tell their own stories, sure. But Zhongli's beauty feels like something he can't fully process. As if every time Childe looks at him, it's no less impactful than the first.
Gods, he's a fool. What else could it be but love?]
[ childe brings down his defenses so quickly already. not "xiansheng"—again he says his own name, his carefully crafted identity that was just as real as "tartaglia." he might have missed the endearing nickname, but to have childe call for him now like it was impossible not to, like it was one of the only words in his mind, like they were equals... zhongli can't help the firing of his nerves, the drying of his mouth, the aching want that spears through his body. he's hard enough that the pulsing of his cock is almost painful. precum gathers and slips from the head of his cock and onto childe's pale and opened inner thigh.
his finger begins to move quickly, turning and curling, whether at the behest of childe's rolling hips or not. he squeezes childe's cock, working it to full and drooling hardness. a second wet finger slides in beside the first, and after he feels childe's body give around him, the pace quickens again.
to childe's chagrin, he releases his cock and instead pushes the orange hair from childe's forehead, smoothing it back against his head. he wants to see the full curve of childe's face as he fucks him this way, the way he's groaning and wanting and looking at their moving bodies with awe.
the image of childe this way burns into his memory: watching and moaning and moving against him. he's lithe and supple, littered with scars and bites and bruises. his hair is disheveled from zhongli's fingers, his earring haphazardly curled into his hair. beautiful, handsome, winsome. all his, he hopes. at least for now.
zhongli is only able to crane his head so far as he works childe open, pace quickening, seeking more. his amber eyes are fixed on childe's expressions, darting from eyes to open mouth. he leans in to meet his face with his, brushing foreheads and noses, though their lips can't do more but graze agonizingly as he speaks again. he's still sitting back against the bed; the length of his arm can only reach so far. it's a tease that almost heightens his desire. ]
There. [ he murmurs, voice steady despite the erratic movements of his arm. ] That's the look I've been searching for.
[ his hand slows, and a third wet finger pushes inside. his movements begin slowly at first, though they pick up speed more quickly than before. he kisses the middle of childe's chest. ]
[Childe is the furthest thing from shy. It means he's unashamed of letting his voice be heard, soft cries and low moans falling freely from his lips. It takes such effort to keep himself even partially upright, but he can't tear his eyes away. Zhongli pushes another finger into him, and Childe can't help raking his nails down Zhongli's arm, clinging to it like a lifeline as his focus narrows to the steady build of pleasure deep within him.
He can't stop himself from whining when Zhongli lets go of his cock, and that would've been a little embarrassing earlier on in the evening. But now, he's too worked up to care, and he simply drops his other hand to pick up where Zhongli left off. His grip is tight and his pace is relentless, though whether it's habit or desperation is impossible to tell. He could so easily come like this--stroking himself to the press of Zhongli's fingers inside of him, Zhongli's soulmark on his hip and his blood on Zhongli's tongue.
Zhongli speaks, then, and Childe makes the mistake of looking at his face. He's not prepared for the sight of those stunningly vibrant eyes, so intent and possessive. Zhongli looks like he could stay just like this, watching him for daysmonthscenturies, and never want him any less than he does right now.
He forces himself to let go of his own cock despite the painful pulse of unmet desire that lances through him. Reaching down, he grabs Zhongli's face, using all his strengths to drag him up until he's close--close enough that Childe can dip forward and catch Zhongli's lip with his teeth, biting hard, just as Zhongli had done to him earlier. When he pulls back, his mouth is flecked with gold.]
Then don't. [His voice, broken by sharp, quick breaths, is fierce, equal parts desire and defiance. Always, always pushing the limits, concocting a challenge when there isn't one to be found already.] I can handle it.
[Don't be gentle, he'd said. Don't make me feel weak, he'd meant.]
[ the sounds are maddening, wanton and unbridled, sometimes catching and releasing from childe's throat in gasps and moans. and still childe holds himself up for leverage, enraptured by the sight of everything below. zhongli shudders as his nails rake down his arm, hardly painful but still deep enough to draw beads of golden blood under gently torn skin, some of it gathered beneath childe's fingernails. even that needy, upset whine and childe's desperate hand working his cock make his desire fight relentlessly under his ribs.
if childe wanted to push him over the edge just to see what would happen, he may get his wish, even if it's entirely unintentional.
they lock eyes, and for a moment childe looks as entranced and wide-eyed as he had when zhongli made his confession. then he forces zhongli closer, at the same time pulling his fingers from inside of childe. it's quick and greedy, a fevered response to that look in his eye. before zhongli can respond, childe is already painfully biting down on his plush and swollen lip. the skin parts open and blood rushes to meet him and paint the tip of his tongue. the taste is still made of metal, like running one's tongue on the salted surface of a stone.
when the kiss breaks, golden ichor wells on his lip where childe had bitten, smeared on childe's mouth as he speaks. zhongli hardly feels the ache from that bite, all senses and all attention pinpointed on his tartaglia, demanding to be devoured between his labored breaths. his arousal is a fire burning beneath his skin.
zhongli cants his head and crushes his lips against childe's, both hands pushing splaying and grasp at his hair as he fully climbs over him. their tongues meet with renewed fervor, pushing against the crowns of their teeth, mingling the taste of blood. he needs this single, desperate kiss; he'd held this feeling back for what felt like an age. for once in his lifetime, words won't do it justice.
blindly, he reaches down again and raises childe's hips, hands pushing the backs of his thighs. his cock slides against the cleft between his legs, the head grazing against his testicles, hot and smooth. their desperate kiss breaks and zhongli's tongue pushes on top of his lip, drawing it into his mouth, swiping it clean. he stands on his knees and takes the base of his cock in his hand, pressing the leaking head to his entrance.
a bead of sweat draws a line down his temple of his jaw, his hair sprawled behind his back and over his shoulders. he sighs and gives a low groan as watches his cock sink too quickly inside, pulled into white-hot, pulsing heat. ]
[He's so caught up in the ferocity of Zhongli's kiss that he barely notices his back hitting the sheets again, but it's almost a relief to feel it. Control issues, he'd been tempted to tease Zhongli earlier. But he isn't so different himself, and submission is more palatable than surrender.
He lets his head fall back when they break apart, catching his breath in the time it takes for Zhongli to arrange him how he wants. Briefly, he entertains the thought of lashing out one more time--of hooking his legs around Zhongli's waist to flip them over, of taking Zhongli's cock in hand and sinking down on it himself, with Zhongli helpless beneath him--but the temptation crumbles at the open desire on Zhongli's face, and he keeps his legs relaxed and parted as Zhongli fucks into him.
It burns, of course. Spit and precum aren't really enough, and it's too late to grab his Vision and get creative now. But Childe doesn't mind. In truth, he enjoys how it keeps him grounded, clears his head enough to help him truly focus on the press of Zhongli's cock inside of him. No matter what happens between them in the future, he wants to remember every second of this.
Besides, Childe is remarkably resilient. His Delusion and his Abyssal transformation haven't killed him yet, and this won't either, even if he does think Zhongli, in all his divine beauty, might be the death of him.
Impulsively, he reaches out to touch Zhongli's soulmark again, smearing it with the golden blood clinging to his fingertips. Zhongli doesn't seem worried about him, which he appreciates. Even so, he murmurs:] Feels good.
[ i can handle it. zhongli was truly faltering in his faculties, taking someone who knowingly pushes their body past reasonable limits at their word. spit and precum aren't enough. despite preparation, there is a drag and almost uncomfortable dryness as he pushes inside of childe, making him sink his teeth into his stinging lip. in truth, there had been some tinge of worry that had been easily lost in the fog of everything else; zhongli is too attentive even now, slaked only by the sight of their bodies between them.
eventually childe's body gives into him, the warmth and wet inside pulling him in. zhongli groans softly, maneuvering to bridge his arms on either side of childe's head. it's hot and pulsing, all-consuming. he pushes deeper, mouth falling open as he shudders and sighs, hair falling over his shoulders. there's the wet smear of a finger against his neck and his eyes blink open to find childe's again. he falls into the blue the same way he's done hundreds of times before.
he's reassuring him, or maybe he isn't and zhongli is reassured regardless. his soulmark burns under childe's finger, searing into his skin. zhongli gives another sigh, this time boring his golden eyes to childe's. he draws his hips back, sliding slowly out of him before thrusting deeply back inside.
nevermind the dryness and drag. it would subside the longer zhongli moves his hips, driving childe back into the mattress, need and desire and greed building in his hips, his stomach, his whole body. he closes his mouth on childe's throat, again beneath his chin, and then over his bloodied lips. ]
Tartaglia. [ he says it again breathlessly like a prayer, lost in him. one of his hands combs into the nest of his hair as he kisses him hard. ]
[It's a reassurance, yes, but a truthful one. From anyone else it would be a lie--hell, even from Childe with anyone else, it probably wouldn't be much more than a platitude. But everything about his body language is open and wanting, sincere in his pleasure for all that it's laced with pain.
It occurs to him, through the haze, that he could probably ask Zhongli for anything in this moment. He has no proof, but somehow, he's absolutely certain that Zhongli would indulge each and every one of his desires, if only he gave voice to them. He meets Zhongli's gaze, and the weight of it keeps him pinned against the bed more effectively than any show of strength ever could.
He hooks his legs over Zhongli's hips for leverage, meeting his thrusts as best he can. Zhongli says his name, and Childe tastes it on his lips when Zhongli bends down to kiss him, hot and fierce. His response is wordless, a deep groan that he pours into Zhongli's mouth.
He lets one hand fall back against the sheets, but he keeps the other curled around Zhongli's neck, the heel of his palm brushing against the mark as they move together. It's almost frighteningly easy, finding a rhythm--but then, maybe that shouldn't be surprising. In his delirium, Childe can't help but think that this easy harmony is the surest proof that Zhongli's right about everything.
But it doesn't even matter anymore, honestly. No one has ever looked at him the way Zhongli has tonight. No one's ever been able to handle him with such graceful strength. The way Zhongli says his name is more than enough to sway his heart.
He turns his head slightly, just enough to break the kiss, though he keeps his mouth pressed to the corner of Zhongli's as he forces his thoughts into coherent words.]
[ it's all a stark contrast from earlier, when every moment came some form of playful resistance and teasing and challenges. the childe from then was all bites and clawing fingers, demanding in his want. now they're both steeped in their desire and affections, moving together desperately. childe clings to him and offers him that beautiful look of awe. zhongli is weak to it, the same way the riptide mark on his neck reacts with sharp heat to childe's tender touch.
he might not have needed to take childe this way. he only needed that languid moan against his lips, childe's clinging legs, his murmuring mouth smeared to the edge of his lips. zhongli would give him anything in the world that he may ask for—and there is much within an archon's ability to give, a big risk to undertake with a member of the fatui. anything to have him.
childe thinks he might come too quickly. a shiver passes through zhongli's spine as he thrusts, his arousal swelling again. if he were more bold, he might have slowed down, teasing with the steady undulation of his hips until childe could no longer bear it. (he might sooner use all of his strength try to push him down and finish the job himself.)
he lifts his hands and grips onto childe's hips, pressing his thumb over where his soulmark burns hot on his skin. he lifts and pushes and sinks himself even deeper inside. he hisses through his teeth and groans softly, again finding that steady rhythm in their hips. he knows that if childe comes, he'll probably follow suit afterward.
he leans down and murmurs into childe's ear, lips brushing the swirl of it: ]
Show me.
[ his breathing is labored and hot, and he quickens his pace. he adjusts his angle of his hips and searches for that one spot of immense pleasure. ]
[It's not praise, exactly, but desire is basically the same thing--it still sends a shock of heat through his body, still makes him shudder and dig his nails into Zhongli like he'll shake apart if he doesn't. Granted, between that low tone and the relentless pleasure that builds with every thrust, Zhongli could probably say whatever he wanted and Childe would find it irresistible.
The first time Zhongli had touched his soulmark, out in the hallway, had been startling. Childe hadn't been prepared for the feeling of Geo energy crystallizing beneath his skin, reacting to Zhongli's touch. He's not used to it now, either, but that's because it seems to amplify everything he's feeling tenfold. It's a feedback loop of sensation--the press of Zhongli's cock within him, the press of his thumb against the mark, the rich cadence of his voice, the warmth of his breath. All of it wipes his mind of everything but Zhongli, Zhongli, Zhongli.
There is something utterly electrifying about keeping his hand on Zhongli's mark, too. Knowing that maybe, just maybe, Zhongli's as overwhelmed as he is.
Childe can't see his face like this, but it doesn't matter. He knows Zhongli looks magnificent, with his glowing eyes and dark arms laced with gold, scars and muscle and sweat. More than that, he looks, feels, powerful. Dangerous.
Maybe Childe would do anything for him, too.
He hadn't been lying about not lasting long. He pants out right there and don't stop, though he can't keep track of what language he's speaking. Snezhnayan, Liyuen, the common tongue--maybe he doesn't actually manage to say anything coherent, and it's all just wordless encouragement. It doesn't take much time before Childe's body tenses up, and the hand he'd tangled in the sheets flies to his cock, desperate to reach his peak.
If Zhongli doesn't stop him, it won't take much for him to come like this, Zhongli's name on his lips like a prayer.]
[ childe shudders beneath him, tightens around him, bites unforgivingly into zhongli's skin nails with his fingernails—every sudden movement as dizzying and arresting as the next. the mark on zhongli's neck swirls with elemental energy, white-hot under childe's palm. every sensation fires his nerves, adrenaline coursing with each give of childe's legs and hips. his pace quickens, and his eyes shut tightly as he presses his forehead to childe's neck for leverage.
without these marks, beyond any of myths and legends or great cosmic forces that bind them, this was inevitable, wasn't it? that zhongli and tartaglia would have one day irrevocably given into one other? he can't help the thought making a home in his heart as they move together, desperate for the other, thinking of nothing and no one else. it may not have been tonight, under these circumstances, on this ship, but someday zhongli would have found his way here. childe would have still come to liyue harbor, first for morax and then for zhongli and liyue. he would have still been arresting and bright, stirring something like aliveness in him, and he would have made him fall in love.
yes, he's overwhelmed. his pace is still steady and deep, held by strength only proffered to a god. childe arches and tightens around him, panting syllables that he can hardly string together. there are some he can recognize, translated quickly through his thoughts, gone seconds later. the supplication of childe's voice, gasping and groaning, is all he can think to process.
zhongli doesn't stop his hand. he puts his full weight back onto his knees and presses his free hand against the bed, raising himself to look. his eyes scale down the canvas of beautiful, heavily scarred skin, painted in white streaks, glossed with sweat. childe's hips jolt as he comes across his stomach and chest, tightening around his cock and pulling him in deeper. his name on childe's gently swollen lips, moaned in a single long breath, runs electric through his body, into every limb. tartaglia is everything, his image behind his eyelids, the exact company his lonely heart had sought. lost in the damp heat surrounding them both, zhongli can't bear it any longer.
childe finishes beneath him, and zhongli groans again as pleasure shocks between his hips. he draws back from childe's body, lowering him back against the bed before standing on his knees. he grasps his cock and strokes himself to his shaking climax, sucking in breath through his teeth. his mouth falls open and he tips back his head, and his come spills over childe's stomach, painting over his fingers and cock. ]
[Childe prides himself on his control of his own body. But the way his eyes snap open, the way he jolts partially upright to watch Zhongli reach his peak--it's completely out of his hands, as if some force temporarily possesses him, ensuring he doesn't miss it. And oh, is it a sight to see; Zhongli, drenched in sweat and streaked with blood, chasing his release like any mortal would. All the things he never let himself imagine crash through the shambles of his barriers, and all of them pale in comparison to the sight of Zhongli at the height of pleasure.
It hits him again, then; Zhongli wanted this. Every moment of it. Every step of the way, again and again, Zhongli chose him. He believes Childe holds a piece of his soul, and he loves--loved the thought of that enough to get them here.
Talk about overwhelming.
He hooks a hand around the back of Zhongli's neck, dragging him down into a series of deep, desperate kisses as he falls back against the sheets.
There are so many things he can't say yet. So many emotions he won't name tangled up in his heart, things he can't even begin to think about right now, let alone try and express in coherent words. All this and more, he pours into these kisses. They say I don't know how to let myself want you this much. They say But let me try.]
[ zhongli is just escaping his brief euphoria, chest heaving as he catches his lost breath. when he finally looks down, still holding his softening clock, childe's eyes have his immediately.
he has looked at him with awe and need before. there is something different here in his gaze, scarred chest and stomach painted with come as he leans on his forearms. it looks so much like being overwhelmed, almost like love.
childe pulls him down and crushes their mouths together as they both meet the bed. he has never been kissed this way before, not with so much need and affection and want that was past what sex might give them, not by childe.
he falls into it with immediacy, as if he had been waiting for the moment himself. he catches himself on his forearms, back curved. he tilts his head and slots their mouths together, opening and closing, tongues briefly sliding one against the other between them.
blindly, he wipes his come-spattered fingers clean against the sheets. laying his chest flush against childe's, knowing he could hold him, he cards both hands into his beautiful hair and feels the run of his roots against his palm, between his fingers. his brows tighten together. ]
You...
[ a breathless murmur between heavy and ravenous kisses, another heaving of a ribcage against another. his heart is rabbiting, beating towards childe. he knows what it means. his mind is full of nothing but him, all of the things he has learned to adore about him, every scar and painful secret. on his neck, the riptide mark glows bright to every corner and every edge. this time, its small and jagged spokes are swirled with streaks of purple, lightly sparking.
he draws away by a scant few centimeters, lips sticking, golden eyes searching for his as he catches his breath. the words pulse and warm and overwhelming on his chest before they are finally released. ]
[It's something that's been said without words all night. Longer, if Childe's honest with himself. But hearing it out loud makes him shiver anyway, and he squeezes his eyes shut as he lets his breathing settle. It feels very much like trying to look into the sun; he can't face it directly, but he wants, more than anything, to bask in its warmth until it sets.
He believes Zhongli. That is, perhaps, the hardest part of it all. Zhongli, who still lacks such crucial information about him, but understands him better than almost anyone else in his life. Zhongli, who has lived through things Childe can't even begin to imagine, yet somehow wants to spend his days beside him. Who, despite everything, was only shocked by the appearance of a soulmark, not the fact that Childe bore its match.
Fear isn't the right word for what holds his tongue. Intrinsic apprehension, perhaps, is the better description--or caution, mistrust, even a default state of wariness that took him years to develop. If Zhongli were anyone else, Childe would think him painfully naive.
But he's not anyone else. He's the wisest person Childe's ever met, cunning and kind in equal measure. There is nothing about this that Childe can't trust, and that, in and of itself, is difficult for him to grasp.
It isn't that he doesn't feel the same way. It isn't even that he doesn't understand his own feelings. Some part of him has always been aware of his steady, inevitable fall, no matter how forcefully he closed off his heart towards the end of his mission. But if he opens his mouth right now, he knows already that he won't be able to say it back with Zhongli's same level of peaceful finality.
Zhongli says I love you like it's simple. Like it's something he's held in for far too long, and it's a relief to have the freedom to voice it. If Childe were to try and match him, it would become, you really shouldn't. And, I'll forgive you if you change your mind. And, I don't know how many years I have anyway. And maybe even, I don't know what it means to be loved by someone like you.
So instead, he opens his eyes again. He's quiet for a long time, just looking. He glances at the mark on Zhongli's neck one more time, but whatever he thinks about it doesn't show on his face. He lets his fingers wander over Zhongli's face, exploring with a light touch that he hadn't had the patience for earlier. He runs a finger along the line of his nose, over his eyebrow, and down past the shock of smudged red near Zhongli's eyes. Even when his hand settles back where it was, he brushes his thumb over Zhongli's cheekbone, back and forth in a slow, gentle motion.
Zhongli always looks so regal. Even now, a disheveled mess at Childe's own hands, it would be impossible to mistake him for someone ordinary.
His skin is sticky with sweat and come, cooling in the night air. His soulmark pulses gently at his hip, glowing a soft gold.]
...Ajax. [When he finally speaks, his voice is very soft, as if anything else might shatter the moment between them. He swallows; he holds Zhongli's gaze, but there's something skittish in his face, something fragile that makes him look as young as he truly is.] It's my... my old name. From before. [Before the Fatui. Before a bloodstained young boy clawed his way out of the abyss, the light permanently extinguished from his eyes.]
I don't really use it anymore, but... [he shifts slightly.] I just--[want you to know I love you too]--thought you should know.
[ zhongli knows better than to expect a response. childe was self-sufficient and distrusting—at times a liar and manipulator by necessity, always dissecting others' intentions. zhongli reconciled with the fact that he added to that distrust. at least, he thought, the fatui had everything to gain in the end.
yet somehow, he gained as well. childe arrived at his table again after all was said and done, extinguishing the thought that this draw to one another was merely transactional, meant to end as soon as the mission was done. childe continued to come to liyue of his own will, for nothing but his company. during his absences, longing and lonesomeness prickled zhongli's chest—long before he left for inazuma.
childe's gaze speaks to him in conflicting ways: disappointed, resignated, confused, worried, yet not rejecting him all the same. zhongli silently waits for his answer in any form, willing that the stormy waters be quelled. he would wait however long it took.
when childe's fingers reach for his face, zhongli closes his eyes and obliges them. whatever purchase they searched for, however they wanted to leave their mark along his features, he would allow all of it. they follow the lines of his face with reverence, drawing the shape and feel of it into memory. when they finally settle on his skin and his thumb grazes along his cheekbone, zhongli opens his eyes again.
what comes after is something he couldn't have predicted. those guarded feelings in childe's eyes part and give way, and beneath them childe is quiet and vulnerable, a raw open wound. stripped of all loyalties and titles, he's suddenly a being like any other zhongli has met, begging to be seen in his entirety and still loved regardless. at the same time, he is like no one else. he never would be.
from before. it's easy for zhongli to fill in the undefined: a young snezhnayan boy of unknown age, red hair, shining blue eyes, unpoisoned by the abyss. childe talks about ajax the way one solemnly introduces a gravestone, or shows the delicate corpse of a glass-boned bird between cupped hands, preciously preserved. the body of a child that would never come back.
childe offers up ajax in all his fragility, trusting that zhongli would keep him safe and treat him with care. and how would he not? who could know and love all facets of him, ajax and tartaglia and childe, all at once the way he could?
zhongli rests his weight in his forearm beside childe's head. his other hand reaches and closes over childe's wrist, first finger curled against the back of his hand, thumb on his pulse. zhongli skims his lips over the heel of his hand and presses a kiss to the center of his palm. a gesture of understanding, reassurance, and gratitude all at once.
when he looks at childe again, it's the first time se sees him in his entirety, with even the vestiges of what's long gone. affection swells like a fire in his chest. smiling softly, he murmurs: ]
Thank you for telling me. ...Then I will say it once more.
[ he leans forward, at the same time pressing childe's open hand to the side of his neck, over his glowing soulmark. fingers still buried in childe's hair, zhongli meets their lips in a long kiss, carefully deepened with a quiet inward breath.
he draws back with the barest breadth to murmur, noses softly sidling one beside the other, promising that he sees every part of him: ]
[He closes his eyes again as Zhongli kisses him, letting his fingers curl, almost obediently, over the mark on Zhongli's neck. But otherwise, he holds very still, as if that might make it easier for Zhongli to envelop him in his warm, loving hands.
When was the last time he'd heard those exact words?
Never in this context, of course. "Ajax" died long before that would've been possible. But from his family, how long...
...Well. It doesn't matter if he can't remember. This is different anyway. This, right now, is for Zhongli alone. The ache in his chest belongs solely to the man--the god--above him. The man who'd indulged him so beautifully earlier, tearing into his flesh with nails and teeth just like he'd wanted; the man who runs his fingers through Childe's hair so gently now, strong and steady against the tremulous waves of Childe's devotion.
It would be enough to make him cry, if he still could.
But he's glad he probably can't, anymore; instead, he lifts his head just enough catch Zhongli's lips again, his thumb massaging the soul mark in slow circles as one languid kiss bleeds into the next. He could lose track of time so easily like this, and it's difficult to think of reasons why he shouldn't.
Maybe he'll just buy the boat so that they can stay here forever. (He can't do that.) (He might try anyway.)
Eventually, he breaks away, angling his head to kiss along the curve of Zhongli's jaw. Earlier, he'd been heady with arousal and reckless with passion; this time, when he sinks his teeth into Zhongli's flesh, it's slow and purposeful--leaving a deep mark with methodical intent.
He has to pull back enough to speak again, but it's with great reluctance that he does so, and even then he stays impossibly close.]
...Don't hide this one.
[When Zhongli covers up everything else, he means, since he assumes Zhongli intends to hide his soulmark the same way he hides his arms. Childe speaks with the barest hint of playfulness, but there's something deeper there, too, more meaningful than it would've been if he'd done this earlier in the evening. A hint of sunlight reflecting off the surface of the ocean. An unspoken request: don't forget about me. Remember me the way you remember everything else dear to you.
They still have time together. It's not like Childe's due to leave Liyue right away, and he doubts either of them plan for this to be a one-time occurrence. Not after everything. Still, if he doesn't say it now--even indirectly--he's not sure he ever will.
...And, look, even spent and tired, he's still greedy with want. He'd have to be unconscious not to be drawn towards Zhongli, and even that's not a guarantee.]
[ zhongli sinks into the slow stream of their kisses, their sweetness and depth. his soulmark glows incandescent under childe's thumb. he needs no other answer; childe understood that, or else either of them would have flinched or recoiled. having childe is enough. he doesn't need to say more.
he tilts his head as childe's kisses follow the line of his jaw—and suddenly end with a slow, dull pain in his neck. he inhales sharply as it blooms under his skin, spreads warmly throughout. a shiver glides down his back.
more surprises. he should have expected it. he exhales with a soft groan, lips curving into a smile. his fingers curl in childe's hair. he shouldn't still want him this badly.
when childe leans away and murmurs almost against his lips, it takes a god's measured patience not not to kiss his mouth closed. instead he opens his eyes and listens, untangling the deeper meaning in his words and the tone of his voice, because who else would know childe well enough to decipher him?
the answer is bittersweet. childe is right to ask. everyone would know that their beloved consultant, their ex-archon, belonged to someone, yet more than some claim of ownership over zhongli—which was doubtlessly relevant in some way—this was a quiet request. the mark may fade, but childe, tartaglia, ajax—zhongli would always be his, long after his death. he would be a beacon in his old heart. he would cherish him, always, through however many years he walked the earth.
he lays his forehead against childe's, the tips of their noses pushing gently. he smiles again. ]
I suspect that not a soul on this ship would be surprised to see it. Nor anyone in the Harbor, for that matter. ...I would not hide this for the world.
[ his golden eyes thin out as they search childe's face, drink him in. we always made sense, says the meaning beneath his words. everyone could see it.
let's be real. everyone would be more surprised to see either of them unscathed after what happened.
he turns his head and slots their lips together again, this time easing childe back against the pillow. their kisses are deep and languid, a final hurrah (maybe?). he leans on his forearms and bridges over him, come sticking and pulling apart between their chests. his hair falls again over his shoulders, fanning around them.
beneath him, childe still shines with sweat. bite marks and bruises are scattered on his neck, a deep contrast against white skin. his lips have reddened, pocked with dark spots of blood. his hair is unruly in all places, still artful in its disorder. then there are his irresistible eyes. zhongli is silent for the brief moment he savors him, willing that he himself would be more irresponsible.
he's still smiling. he closes his eyes, tempering his desire and impatience. focus. ]
[He'd never admit it, but the implication--that no one, on or off the boat, would be at all surprised to see them together--is just a little embarrassing. It's a lot harder to hide the light flush across his face without fervent passion to blame it on, and Zhongli, especially, will probably pick up on it easily, but Childe does a valiant job of ignoring it anyway.
And he started out so cocky and confident... oh how the mighty fall...
But listen. Zhongli can't possibly expect him to be a good influence, right? Surely he knows better than to expect that. When has he ever picked the reasonable option over the fun one?
He grins, shifting to run his fingers through Zhongli's hair, playing with the glowing ends. Very deliberately, he relaxes against the bed, looking up at Zhongli with mischief clear in his eyes.]
[ pick up on it he does. sorry, childe. zhongli's smile only grows, clearly endeared. he won't pry or tease him any further. on that particular topic, anyway.
several times this evening, as they were in the throes of new love, zhongli had seen back into their history and found that it hadn't been new at all. the two of them had drawn paths together to every corner of the harbor; most residents knew them both by name, though especially the curators at every restaurant.
there have been the few quiet and well-meaning jokes, a nudging of elbows about zhongli's missing "other half" (and "wallet") when childe was away, the surreptitious and unreadable glances from madame ping. how is it that someone whose lifespan extended far beyond even the creation of qingce had been so blind? so far behind even his own peoples' intuition? loving childe this way felt like the easiest thing he could possibly do.
even (and maybe even especially) when childe has these looks on his face. as nice as it was to have his hands in his hair, childe is up to something. zhongli should snuff it out while there's a lull in their hunger. ]
I would agree. However, I feel I should remind you of certain individuals who will also be departing from the ship once we've come to port...
[ if they're not horrified already by the two horny men who made a scene at dessert and dragged themselves into the ship's staterooms. alone. ]
[The reminder of his mission makes him groan, a theatrical, immature complaint that isn't at all out of place coming from him. What a brat.]
Come on, wouldn't it be inappropriate to go see her looking like this? [He glances pointedly down at their bodies--he, of course, means "after cleaning up and getting dressed", but the suggestive implication doesn't hurt his case.] I can always track her down some other time. It's not like we don't have agents in Fontaine.
[He would never actually fail a mission for, uh, personal reasons--but postponing it is acceptable. Extenuating circumstances? Yeah. It's fine. He's a master of finding loopholes in his job description.
He winds Zhongli's long hair around his fingers, tugging lightly.]
Besides, a warrior should always be in top form before engaging, don't you think? But there's no way I could be when I'd just be distracted thinking about everything we could be doing in here instead. Better to retreat and regroup, right?
[He could just admit that the only reason they're doing this mission is because he wanted to see Zhongli without admitting he wanted to see Zhongli, but instead he just finishes off with a shameless wink for good measure. Childe. Please.]
[ ANNOYING. childe's lucky that he's cute, and also that zhongli's never heard his annoyed-complaining-toddler groans from up close before. childe's arguments are unfortunately sound, and, as unbecoming as it is for an adeptus, there's a selfish part of zhongli that enjoys being wanted by the one he wants most. even if he winks. ]
I did not expect you to forsake an assignment, even temporarily.
[ it's true that neither of them are presentable enough to meet the ambassador, but he hadn't expected childe to be flippant about it. that's probably what the tsaritsa gets for putting him on a reconnaissance mission without any fighting or real stakes involved. (little does zhongli know.)
should he give in? he definitely owes ningguang an apology, if anything. but no one has come looking for them yet, and childe is right there in front of him, tugging him downward.
leaning again on his forearm and legs, zhongli runs the back of his dark fingers along the curve of childe's jaw. when he reaches his chin, he runs his thumb over childe's lightly swollen lip. ]
Although, if it were a crucial enough endeavor... we likely would not have arrived here at all, I assume.
[THAT'S HIM... he will only grow more annoying with encouragement. Zhongli did this to himself.
Especially because Childe can tell he's tempted, like a shark scenting blood in the water. It's viciously pleasing, to be so openly desired--when Zhongli's thumb gets close enough, he nips at it playfully, eyes dark and heavily lidded.]
Well, you know... "unexpected complications" and all that. [He unwinds his fingers from Zhongli's hair to tap the mark on his neck instead.] Besides, Her Majesty trusts her Harbingers to fulfill our obligations in accordance with our own agendas, and to operate as we see fit. Most of the time, anyway. [He smirks, then, amused.] If it hadn't been for you two, I would've just shown up and challenged Rex Lapis to a fight directly.
[This is a truthful answer, even if it's not quite as truthful as saying "well sure, I was able to justify all of our dinner dates as reconnaissance instead of admitting I was wasting time trying to figure out how to get the hot consultant to fight me" or "that's because you didn't see me lose my temper in the Golden House and fight the traveler when I really shouldn't have".]
[ he did... the worst part is that he knew this and still did it anyway. maybe even because of that. terrible.
the little snip of pain from childe's teeth is barely perceptible. zhongli is more affected by how childe looks at him—wanting in equal measure, purposely provoking. elemental energy blossoms under every tap of his finger, a cool sparkler against his skin.
the hand at childe's chin slides downward. his fingers fan over the base of his throat and skim to his side, ending at his hip. the heel of his hand presses firmly over the soulmark. ]
Mm. I wonder how many times you might have used such an excuse...
[ still smiling, he closes his eyes and sidles his nose beside childe's, achingly close. he might be teasing himself at this point. ]
Do you think you would have won against him? If you had the opportunity.
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zhongli kisses him, head canted, breathing in. again, childe is receptive more than greedy, giving zhongli his reigns and only responding in kind as if he had been waiting for this. after all of that talk of pain and longing, to feel indulged himself is sweet. it's unfamiliar, but it reads as a show of precious trust. zhongli almost thinks of pulling away, going slower, savoring him, but he had wanted the blood on his lip and hair twisted in his fingers. he still wants to drive him mad, if he can.
some part of him had wanted to revive those dark intentions and desires, thinking that they're what childe wants from him and something easily granted. still, even if childe doesn't respond, the sound of his moan in zhongli's mouth is more than enough.
childe's hands blindly go to the front of his trousers, unbuttoning and opening with urgency as zhongli pushes his hot tongue past his lips. there's a moment of his, touching teeth, still tasting blood as it beads on his lip. still bracing his arm beside childe's head, zhongli slowly ends their kiss, licking traces of saliva from his lips. then his mouth travels downward, briefly closing over the angry, pulsing mark on childe's neck. he turns his head, does the same to the opposite side near his collarbone, and sucks a bruise onto his skin.
his hands grasp the belt loops of childe's pants, pulling them down to his knees if he allows it. ]
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He shudders as he curls his fingers, as if touching Zhongli brings him the same level of pleasure that touching himself would. Instinctively, he tries to look down, but it's impossible when Zhongli's got his teeth in him--more importantly, when Childe doesn't want him to stop.
There isn't a single person on this ship who isn't going to know what happened in here when they leave this room. They are extremely lucky that Childe finds that thought exhilarating.
His free hand finds its way back into Zhongli's hair; if there's anything left of his lovely style from earlier, it's not going to last much longer. It's a little awkward, then, since he doesn't want to let go of Zhongli, but Childe does lift his hips up to make it easier. Zhongli can do whatever he likes with their clothes--at this point, Childe's pretty sure Zhongli could shred them and talk him into swimming back to the city.]
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childe's ministrations don't last long. zhongli reaches for his wrist and squeezes for him to let go. hopefully he does; if so, zhongli is free to sit up on his knees, close childe's legs in front of him, and move his legs beside one of his hips. childe's pants come up and off quickly, fingers scraping as they travel from thigh to ankle. afterwards, his pants are tossed elsewhere on the floor.
the thought of lube should have come to mind earlier. there's nothing that they can use here, at least to his knowledge. he closes his eyes and quickly wets three long fingers in his mouth. they drip as they come apart from his lips, and he dives them again between childe's legs.
zhongli presses his middle finger to childe's entrance, prodding gently before he twists it inside. the tightness draws him in, hot and pulsing. he pushes down to his knuckle and presses his palm between childe's legs.
he pauses, letting the feeling sit as he watches childe acclimate to the feeling. briefly, childe's murmured words from earlier come to mind, skipping a shiver down his spine. don't be gentle. part of him wonders if he shouldn't stop at all. perhaps he should give into the inclination to keep rocking his hand in and out of him, find where it pleases him the most, fuck him relentlessly with his fingers. what would he look like? how would he sound?
zhongli cleans his lips again, his throat dry. his resolve to act civilly rebuilt itself when they talked about guizhong, and again those fissures were opening. he remembered the way childe gasped and hummed and arched against the wall, scraping his back and sucking his fingers. irresistible, he thinks, wrapping his free fingers around childe's cock and tugging.
everyone outside would see the mark on his neck, if they didn't suspect them already. none of them mattered to him in this moment. ]
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That watchful expression falls off his face quickly, though, replaced by open surprise. He watches with wide, dark eyes and parted, bloodied lips as Zhongli wets his fingers. Even so, it's not until Zhongli's back between his legs that he truly registers what's going on--when he does, his hands fly to Zhongli's shoulders, searching for purchase in dark, glowing skin.
Somehow, despite everything, he hadn't actually thought they'd do this here. But Zhongli's surprised him so many times tonight. What's one more to add to the pile?]
Fuck-- Zhongli--
[Any little quips or comments he would normally make are entirely lost, all his attention centered on Zhongli's nimble fingers. Every movement he makes seems to channel electricity straight through his nerves, whether it's twisting on the bed to help Zhongli adjust the angle of his fingers or pressing his hips upwards to keep Zhongli's hand on his cock.
Fortunately for them both, Childe is almost unnaturally adaptable--between that and his pain tolerance (preference?), it's not that long before the sounds he's making are pleased and encouraging. Don't be gentle, he'd said, and it's clear that that wasn't just false bravado.
Being immensely turned on probably helps too.
Unable to help himself, he uses his grip on Zhongli's shoulders to pull himself up, just far enough to look down at what Zhongli's doing.]
Fuck. [Again--but much more reverent this time, transfixed by the sight of Zhongli's burnished skin in contrast to his own. The scars on Childe's legs tell their own stories, sure. But Zhongli's beauty feels like something he can't fully process. As if every time Childe looks at him, it's no less impactful than the first.
Gods, he's a fool. What else could it be but love?]
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his finger begins to move quickly, turning and curling, whether at the behest of childe's rolling hips or not. he squeezes childe's cock, working it to full and drooling hardness. a second wet finger slides in beside the first, and after he feels childe's body give around him, the pace quickens again.
to childe's chagrin, he releases his cock and instead pushes the orange hair from childe's forehead, smoothing it back against his head. he wants to see the full curve of childe's face as he fucks him this way, the way he's groaning and wanting and looking at their moving bodies with awe.
the image of childe this way burns into his memory: watching and moaning and moving against him. he's lithe and supple, littered with scars and bites and bruises. his hair is disheveled from zhongli's fingers, his earring haphazardly curled into his hair. beautiful, handsome, winsome. all his, he hopes. at least for now.
zhongli is only able to crane his head so far as he works childe open, pace quickening, seeking more. his amber eyes are fixed on childe's expressions, darting from eyes to open mouth. he leans in to meet his face with his, brushing foreheads and noses, though their lips can't do more but graze agonizingly as he speaks again. he's still sitting back against the bed; the length of his arm can only reach so far. it's a tease that almost heightens his desire. ]
There. [ he murmurs, voice steady despite the erratic movements of his arm. ] That's the look I've been searching for.
[ his hand slows, and a third wet finger pushes inside. his movements begin slowly at first, though they pick up speed more quickly than before. he kisses the middle of childe's chest. ]
I can't resist you for much longer.
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He can't stop himself from whining when Zhongli lets go of his cock, and that would've been a little embarrassing earlier on in the evening. But now, he's too worked up to care, and he simply drops his other hand to pick up where Zhongli left off. His grip is tight and his pace is relentless, though whether it's habit or desperation is impossible to tell. He could so easily come like this--stroking himself to the press of Zhongli's fingers inside of him, Zhongli's soulmark on his hip and his blood on Zhongli's tongue.
Zhongli speaks, then, and Childe makes the mistake of looking at his face. He's not prepared for the sight of those stunningly vibrant eyes, so intent and possessive. Zhongli looks like he could stay just like this, watching him for daysmonthscenturies, and never want him any less than he does right now.
He forces himself to let go of his own cock despite the painful pulse of unmet desire that lances through him. Reaching down, he grabs Zhongli's face, using all his strengths to drag him up until he's close--close enough that Childe can dip forward and catch Zhongli's lip with his teeth, biting hard, just as Zhongli had done to him earlier. When he pulls back, his mouth is flecked with gold.]
Then don't. [His voice, broken by sharp, quick breaths, is fierce, equal parts desire and defiance. Always, always pushing the limits, concocting a challenge when there isn't one to be found already.] I can handle it.
[Don't be gentle, he'd said. Don't make me feel weak, he'd meant.]
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if childe wanted to push him over the edge just to see what would happen, he may get his wish, even if it's entirely unintentional.
they lock eyes, and for a moment childe looks as entranced and wide-eyed as he had when zhongli made his confession. then he forces zhongli closer, at the same time pulling his fingers from inside of childe. it's quick and greedy, a fevered response to that look in his eye. before zhongli can respond, childe is already painfully biting down on his plush and swollen lip. the skin parts open and blood rushes to meet him and paint the tip of his tongue. the taste is still made of metal, like running one's tongue on the salted surface of a stone.
when the kiss breaks, golden ichor wells on his lip where childe had bitten, smeared on childe's mouth as he speaks. zhongli hardly feels the ache from that bite, all senses and all attention pinpointed on his tartaglia, demanding to be devoured between his labored breaths. his arousal is a fire burning beneath his skin.
zhongli cants his head and crushes his lips against childe's, both hands pushing splaying and grasp at his hair as he fully climbs over him. their tongues meet with renewed fervor, pushing against the crowns of their teeth, mingling the taste of blood. he needs this single, desperate kiss; he'd held this feeling back for what felt like an age. for once in his lifetime, words won't do it justice.
blindly, he reaches down again and raises childe's hips, hands pushing the backs of his thighs. his cock slides against the cleft between his legs, the head grazing against his testicles, hot and smooth. their desperate kiss breaks and zhongli's tongue pushes on top of his lip, drawing it into his mouth, swiping it clean. he stands on his knees and takes the base of his cock in his hand, pressing the leaking head to his entrance.
a bead of sweat draws a line down his temple of his jaw, his hair sprawled behind his back and over his shoulders. he sighs and gives a low groan as watches his cock sink too quickly inside, pulled into white-hot, pulsing heat. ]
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He lets his head fall back when they break apart, catching his breath in the time it takes for Zhongli to arrange him how he wants. Briefly, he entertains the thought of lashing out one more time--of hooking his legs around Zhongli's waist to flip them over, of taking Zhongli's cock in hand and sinking down on it himself, with Zhongli helpless beneath him--but the temptation crumbles at the open desire on Zhongli's face, and he keeps his legs relaxed and parted as Zhongli fucks into him.
It burns, of course. Spit and precum aren't really enough, and it's too late to grab his Vision and get creative now. But Childe doesn't mind. In truth, he enjoys how it keeps him grounded, clears his head enough to help him truly focus on the press of Zhongli's cock inside of him. No matter what happens between them in the future, he wants to remember every second of this.
Besides, Childe is remarkably resilient. His Delusion and his Abyssal transformation haven't killed him yet, and this won't either, even if he does think Zhongli, in all his divine beauty, might be the death of him.
Impulsively, he reaches out to touch Zhongli's soulmark again, smearing it with the golden blood clinging to his fingertips. Zhongli doesn't seem worried about him, which he appreciates. Even so, he murmurs:] Feels good.
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eventually childe's body gives into him, the warmth and wet inside pulling him in. zhongli groans softly, maneuvering to bridge his arms on either side of childe's head. it's hot and pulsing, all-consuming. he pushes deeper, mouth falling open as he shudders and sighs, hair falling over his shoulders. there's the wet smear of a finger against his neck and his eyes blink open to find childe's again. he falls into the blue the same way he's done hundreds of times before.
he's reassuring him, or maybe he isn't and zhongli is reassured regardless. his soulmark burns under childe's finger, searing into his skin. zhongli gives another sigh, this time boring his golden eyes to childe's. he draws his hips back, sliding slowly out of him before thrusting deeply back inside.
nevermind the dryness and drag. it would subside the longer zhongli moves his hips, driving childe back into the mattress, need and desire and greed building in his hips, his stomach, his whole body. he closes his mouth on childe's throat, again beneath his chin, and then over his bloodied lips. ]
Tartaglia. [ he says it again breathlessly like a prayer, lost in him. one of his hands combs into the nest of his hair as he kisses him hard. ]
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It occurs to him, through the haze, that he could probably ask Zhongli for anything in this moment. He has no proof, but somehow, he's absolutely certain that Zhongli would indulge each and every one of his desires, if only he gave voice to them. He meets Zhongli's gaze, and the weight of it keeps him pinned against the bed more effectively than any show of strength ever could.
He hooks his legs over Zhongli's hips for leverage, meeting his thrusts as best he can. Zhongli says his name, and Childe tastes it on his lips when Zhongli bends down to kiss him, hot and fierce. His response is wordless, a deep groan that he pours into Zhongli's mouth.
He lets one hand fall back against the sheets, but he keeps the other curled around Zhongli's neck, the heel of his palm brushing against the mark as they move together. It's almost frighteningly easy, finding a rhythm--but then, maybe that shouldn't be surprising. In his delirium, Childe can't help but think that this easy harmony is the surest proof that Zhongli's right about everything.
But it doesn't even matter anymore, honestly. No one has ever looked at him the way Zhongli has tonight. No one's ever been able to handle him with such graceful strength. The way Zhongli says his name is more than enough to sway his heart.
He turns his head slightly, just enough to break the kiss, though he keeps his mouth pressed to the corner of Zhongli's as he forces his thoughts into coherent words.]
M'not gonna last long.
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he might not have needed to take childe this way. he only needed that languid moan against his lips, childe's clinging legs, his murmuring mouth smeared to the edge of his lips. zhongli would give him anything in the world that he may ask for—and there is much within an archon's ability to give, a big risk to undertake with a member of the fatui. anything to have him.
childe thinks he might come too quickly. a shiver passes through zhongli's spine as he thrusts, his arousal swelling again. if he were more bold, he might have slowed down, teasing with the steady undulation of his hips until childe could no longer bear it. (he might sooner use all of his strength try to push him down and finish the job himself.)
he lifts his hands and grips onto childe's hips, pressing his thumb over where his soulmark burns hot on his skin. he lifts and pushes and sinks himself even deeper inside. he hisses through his teeth and groans softly, again finding that steady rhythm in their hips. he knows that if childe comes, he'll probably follow suit afterward.
he leans down and murmurs into childe's ear, lips brushing the swirl of it: ]
Show me.
[ his breathing is labored and hot, and he quickens his pace. he adjusts his angle of his hips and searches for that one spot of immense pleasure. ]
I want to see you when you come.
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The first time Zhongli had touched his soulmark, out in the hallway, had been startling. Childe hadn't been prepared for the feeling of Geo energy crystallizing beneath his skin, reacting to Zhongli's touch. He's not used to it now, either, but that's because it seems to amplify everything he's feeling tenfold. It's a feedback loop of sensation--the press of Zhongli's cock within him, the press of his thumb against the mark, the rich cadence of his voice, the warmth of his breath. All of it wipes his mind of everything but Zhongli, Zhongli, Zhongli.
There is something utterly electrifying about keeping his hand on Zhongli's mark, too. Knowing that maybe, just maybe, Zhongli's as overwhelmed as he is.
Childe can't see his face like this, but it doesn't matter. He knows Zhongli looks magnificent, with his glowing eyes and dark arms laced with gold, scars and muscle and sweat. More than that, he looks, feels, powerful. Dangerous.
Maybe Childe would do anything for him, too.
He hadn't been lying about not lasting long. He pants out right there and don't stop, though he can't keep track of what language he's speaking. Snezhnayan, Liyuen, the common tongue--maybe he doesn't actually manage to say anything coherent, and it's all just wordless encouragement. It doesn't take much time before Childe's body tenses up, and the hand he'd tangled in the sheets flies to his cock, desperate to reach his peak.
If Zhongli doesn't stop him, it won't take much for him to come like this, Zhongli's name on his lips like a prayer.]
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without these marks, beyond any of myths and legends or great cosmic forces that bind them, this was inevitable, wasn't it? that zhongli and tartaglia would have one day irrevocably given into one other? he can't help the thought making a home in his heart as they move together, desperate for the other, thinking of nothing and no one else. it may not have been tonight, under these circumstances, on this ship, but someday zhongli would have found his way here. childe would have still come to liyue harbor, first for morax and then for zhongli and liyue. he would have still been arresting and bright, stirring something like aliveness in him, and he would have made him fall in love.
yes, he's overwhelmed. his pace is still steady and deep, held by strength only proffered to a god. childe arches and tightens around him, panting syllables that he can hardly string together. there are some he can recognize, translated quickly through his thoughts, gone seconds later. the supplication of childe's voice, gasping and groaning, is all he can think to process.
zhongli doesn't stop his hand. he puts his full weight back onto his knees and presses his free hand against the bed, raising himself to look. his eyes scale down the canvas of beautiful, heavily scarred skin, painted in white streaks, glossed with sweat. childe's hips jolt as he comes across his stomach and chest, tightening around his cock and pulling him in deeper. his name on childe's gently swollen lips, moaned in a single long breath, runs electric through his body, into every limb. tartaglia is everything, his image behind his eyelids, the exact company his lonely heart had sought. lost in the damp heat surrounding them both, zhongli can't bear it any longer.
childe finishes beneath him, and zhongli groans again as pleasure shocks between his hips. he draws back from childe's body, lowering him back against the bed before standing on his knees. he grasps his cock and strokes himself to his shaking climax, sucking in breath through his teeth. his mouth falls open and he tips back his head, and his come spills over childe's stomach, painting over his fingers and cock. ]
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It hits him again, then; Zhongli wanted this. Every moment of it. Every step of the way, again and again, Zhongli chose him. He believes Childe holds a piece of his soul, and he loves--loved the thought of that enough to get them here.
Talk about overwhelming.
He hooks a hand around the back of Zhongli's neck, dragging him down into a series of deep, desperate kisses as he falls back against the sheets.
There are so many things he can't say yet. So many emotions he won't name tangled up in his heart, things he can't even begin to think about right now, let alone try and express in coherent words. All this and more, he pours into these kisses. They say I don't know how to let myself want you this much. They say But let me try.]
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he has looked at him with awe and need before. there is something different here in his gaze, scarred chest and stomach painted with come as he leans on his forearms. it looks so much like being overwhelmed, almost like love.
childe pulls him down and crushes their mouths together as they both meet the bed. he has never been kissed this way before, not with so much need and affection and want that was past what sex might give them, not by childe.
he falls into it with immediacy, as if he had been waiting for the moment himself. he catches himself on his forearms, back curved. he tilts his head and slots their mouths together, opening and closing, tongues briefly sliding one against the other between them.
blindly, he wipes his come-spattered fingers clean against the sheets. laying his chest flush against childe's, knowing he could hold him, he cards both hands into his beautiful hair and feels the run of his roots against his palm, between his fingers. his brows tighten together. ]
You...
[ a breathless murmur between heavy and ravenous kisses, another heaving of a ribcage against another. his heart is rabbiting, beating towards childe. he knows what it means. his mind is full of nothing but him, all of the things he has learned to adore about him, every scar and painful secret. on his neck, the riptide mark glows bright to every corner and every edge. this time, its small and jagged spokes are swirled with streaks of purple, lightly sparking.
he draws away by a scant few centimeters, lips sticking, golden eyes searching for his as he catches his breath. the words pulse and warm and overwhelming on his chest before they are finally released. ]
Tartaglia, I love you.
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He believes Zhongli. That is, perhaps, the hardest part of it all. Zhongli, who still lacks such crucial information about him, but understands him better than almost anyone else in his life. Zhongli, who has lived through things Childe can't even begin to imagine, yet somehow wants to spend his days beside him. Who, despite everything, was only shocked by the appearance of a soulmark, not the fact that Childe bore its match.
Fear isn't the right word for what holds his tongue. Intrinsic apprehension, perhaps, is the better description--or caution, mistrust, even a default state of wariness that took him years to develop. If Zhongli were anyone else, Childe would think him painfully naive.
But he's not anyone else. He's the wisest person Childe's ever met, cunning and kind in equal measure. There is nothing about this that Childe can't trust, and that, in and of itself, is difficult for him to grasp.
It isn't that he doesn't feel the same way. It isn't even that he doesn't understand his own feelings. Some part of him has always been aware of his steady, inevitable fall, no matter how forcefully he closed off his heart towards the end of his mission. But if he opens his mouth right now, he knows already that he won't be able to say it back with Zhongli's same level of peaceful finality.
Zhongli says I love you like it's simple. Like it's something he's held in for far too long, and it's a relief to have the freedom to voice it. If Childe were to try and match him, it would become, you really shouldn't. And, I'll forgive you if you change your mind. And, I don't know how many years I have anyway. And maybe even, I don't know what it means to be loved by someone like you.
So instead, he opens his eyes again. He's quiet for a long time, just looking. He glances at the mark on Zhongli's neck one more time, but whatever he thinks about it doesn't show on his face. He lets his fingers wander over Zhongli's face, exploring with a light touch that he hadn't had the patience for earlier. He runs a finger along the line of his nose, over his eyebrow, and down past the shock of smudged red near Zhongli's eyes. Even when his hand settles back where it was, he brushes his thumb over Zhongli's cheekbone, back and forth in a slow, gentle motion.
Zhongli always looks so regal. Even now, a disheveled mess at Childe's own hands, it would be impossible to mistake him for someone ordinary.
His skin is sticky with sweat and come, cooling in the night air. His soulmark pulses gently at his hip, glowing a soft gold.]
...Ajax. [When he finally speaks, his voice is very soft, as if anything else might shatter the moment between them. He swallows; he holds Zhongli's gaze, but there's something skittish in his face, something fragile that makes him look as young as he truly is.] It's my... my old name. From before. [Before the Fatui. Before a bloodstained young boy clawed his way out of the abyss, the light permanently extinguished from his eyes.]
I don't really use it anymore, but... [he shifts slightly.] I just--[want you to know I love you too]--thought you should know.
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yet somehow, he gained as well. childe arrived at his table again after all was said and done, extinguishing the thought that this draw to one another was merely transactional, meant to end as soon as the mission was done. childe continued to come to liyue of his own will, for nothing but his company. during his absences, longing and lonesomeness prickled zhongli's chest—long before he left for inazuma.
childe's gaze speaks to him in conflicting ways: disappointed, resignated, confused, worried, yet not rejecting him all the same. zhongli silently waits for his answer in any form, willing that the stormy waters be quelled. he would wait however long it took.
when childe's fingers reach for his face, zhongli closes his eyes and obliges them. whatever purchase they searched for, however they wanted to leave their mark along his features, he would allow all of it. they follow the lines of his face with reverence, drawing the shape and feel of it into memory. when they finally settle on his skin and his thumb grazes along his cheekbone, zhongli opens his eyes again.
what comes after is something he couldn't have predicted. those guarded feelings in childe's eyes part and give way, and beneath them childe is quiet and vulnerable, a raw open wound. stripped of all loyalties and titles, he's suddenly a being like any other zhongli has met, begging to be seen in his entirety and still loved regardless. at the same time, he is like no one else. he never would be.
from before. it's easy for zhongli to fill in the undefined: a young snezhnayan boy of unknown age, red hair, shining blue eyes, unpoisoned by the abyss. childe talks about ajax the way one solemnly introduces a gravestone, or shows the delicate corpse of a glass-boned bird between cupped hands, preciously preserved. the body of a child that would never come back.
childe offers up ajax in all his fragility, trusting that zhongli would keep him safe and treat him with care. and how would he not? who could know and love all facets of him, ajax and tartaglia and childe, all at once the way he could?
zhongli rests his weight in his forearm beside childe's head. his other hand reaches and closes over childe's wrist, first finger curled against the back of his hand, thumb on his pulse. zhongli skims his lips over the heel of his hand and presses a kiss to the center of his palm. a gesture of understanding, reassurance, and gratitude all at once.
when he looks at childe again, it's the first time se sees him in his entirety, with even the vestiges of what's long gone. affection swells like a fire in his chest. smiling softly, he murmurs: ]
Thank you for telling me. ...Then I will say it once more.
[ he leans forward, at the same time pressing childe's open hand to the side of his neck, over his glowing soulmark. fingers still buried in childe's hair, zhongli meets their lips in a long kiss, carefully deepened with a quiet inward breath.
he draws back with the barest breadth to murmur, noses softly sidling one beside the other, promising that he sees every part of him: ]
I love you, Ajax.
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When was the last time he'd heard those exact words?
Never in this context, of course. "Ajax" died long before that would've been possible. But from his family, how long...
...Well. It doesn't matter if he can't remember. This is different anyway. This, right now, is for Zhongli alone. The ache in his chest belongs solely to the man--the god--above him. The man who'd indulged him so beautifully earlier, tearing into his flesh with nails and teeth just like he'd wanted; the man who runs his fingers through Childe's hair so gently now, strong and steady against the tremulous waves of Childe's devotion.
It would be enough to make him cry, if he still could.
But he's glad he probably can't, anymore; instead, he lifts his head just enough catch Zhongli's lips again, his thumb massaging the soul mark in slow circles as one languid kiss bleeds into the next. He could lose track of time so easily like this, and it's difficult to think of reasons why he shouldn't.
Maybe he'll just buy the boat so that they can stay here forever. (He can't do that.) (He might try anyway.)
Eventually, he breaks away, angling his head to kiss along the curve of Zhongli's jaw. Earlier, he'd been heady with arousal and reckless with passion; this time, when he sinks his teeth into Zhongli's flesh, it's slow and purposeful--leaving a deep mark with methodical intent.
He has to pull back enough to speak again, but it's with great reluctance that he does so, and even then he stays impossibly close.]
...Don't hide this one.
[When Zhongli covers up everything else, he means, since he assumes Zhongli intends to hide his soulmark the same way he hides his arms. Childe speaks with the barest hint of playfulness, but there's something deeper there, too, more meaningful than it would've been if he'd done this earlier in the evening. A hint of sunlight reflecting off the surface of the ocean. An unspoken request: don't forget about me. Remember me the way you remember everything else dear to you.
They still have time together. It's not like Childe's due to leave Liyue right away, and he doubts either of them plan for this to be a one-time occurrence. Not after everything. Still, if he doesn't say it now--even indirectly--he's not sure he ever will.
...And, look, even spent and tired, he's still greedy with want. He'd have to be unconscious not to be drawn towards Zhongli, and even that's not a guarantee.]
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he tilts his head as childe's kisses follow the line of his jaw—and suddenly end with a slow, dull pain in his neck. he inhales sharply as it blooms under his skin, spreads warmly throughout. a shiver glides down his back.
more surprises. he should have expected it. he exhales with a soft groan, lips curving into a smile. his fingers curl in childe's hair. he shouldn't still want him this badly.
when childe leans away and murmurs almost against his lips, it takes a god's measured patience not not to kiss his mouth closed. instead he opens his eyes and listens, untangling the deeper meaning in his words and the tone of his voice, because who else would know childe well enough to decipher him?
the answer is bittersweet. childe is right to ask. everyone would know that their beloved consultant, their ex-archon, belonged to someone, yet more than some claim of ownership over zhongli—which was doubtlessly relevant in some way—this was a quiet request. the mark may fade, but childe, tartaglia, ajax—zhongli would always be his, long after his death. he would be a beacon in his old heart. he would cherish him, always, through however many years he walked the earth.
he lays his forehead against childe's, the tips of their noses pushing gently. he smiles again. ]
I suspect that not a soul on this ship would be surprised to see it. Nor anyone in the Harbor, for that matter. ...I would not hide this for the world.
[ his golden eyes thin out as they search childe's face, drink him in. we always made sense, says the meaning beneath his words. everyone could see it.
let's be real. everyone would be more surprised to see either of them unscathed after what happened.
he turns his head and slots their lips together again, this time easing childe back against the pillow. their kisses are deep and languid, a final hurrah (maybe?). he leans on his forearms and bridges over him, come sticking and pulling apart between their chests. his hair falls again over his shoulders, fanning around them.
beneath him, childe still shines with sweat. bite marks and bruises are scattered on his neck, a deep contrast against white skin. his lips have reddened, pocked with dark spots of blood. his hair is unruly in all places, still artful in its disorder. then there are his irresistible eyes. zhongli is silent for the brief moment he savors him, willing that he himself would be more irresponsible.
he's still smiling. he closes his eyes, tempering his desire and impatience. focus. ]
We should return to the event.
[ buy the boat, childe. please? ]
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And he started out so cocky and confident... oh how the mighty fall...
But listen. Zhongli can't possibly expect him to be a good influence, right? Surely he knows better than to expect that. When has he ever picked the reasonable option over the fun one?
He grins, shifting to run his fingers through Zhongli's hair, playing with the glowing ends. Very deliberately, he relaxes against the bed, looking up at Zhongli with mischief clear in his eyes.]
We don't have to. We haven't docked yet.
[WHAT HAPPENED TO WORKING.]
nice fall out boy reference
several times this evening, as they were in the throes of new love, zhongli had seen back into their history and found that it hadn't been new at all. the two of them had drawn paths together to every corner of the harbor; most residents knew them both by name, though especially the curators at every restaurant.
there have been the few quiet and well-meaning jokes, a nudging of elbows about zhongli's missing "other half" (and "wallet") when childe was away, the surreptitious and unreadable glances from madame ping. how is it that someone whose lifespan extended far beyond even the creation of qingce had been so blind? so far behind even his own peoples' intuition? loving childe this way felt like the easiest thing he could possibly do.
even (and maybe even especially) when childe has these looks on his face. as nice as it was to have his hands in his hair, childe is up to something. zhongli should snuff it out while there's a lull in their hunger. ]
I would agree. However, I feel I should remind you of certain individuals who will also be departing from the ship once we've come to port...
[ if they're not horrified already by the two horny men who made a scene at dessert and dragged themselves into the ship's staterooms. alone. ]
JHDFKJSHGK I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE
Come on, wouldn't it be inappropriate to go see her looking like this? [He glances pointedly down at their bodies--he, of course, means "after cleaning up and getting dressed", but the suggestive implication doesn't hurt his case.] I can always track her down some other time. It's not like we don't have agents in Fontaine.
[He would never actually fail a mission for, uh, personal reasons--but postponing it is acceptable. Extenuating circumstances? Yeah. It's fine. He's a master of finding loopholes in his job description.
He winds Zhongli's long hair around his fingers, tugging lightly.]
Besides, a warrior should always be in top form before engaging, don't you think? But there's no way I could be when I'd just be distracted thinking about everything we could be doing in here instead. Better to retreat and regroup, right?
[He could just admit that the only reason they're doing this mission is because he wanted to see Zhongli without admitting he wanted to see Zhongli, but instead he just finishes off with a shameless wink for good measure. Childe. Please.]
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I did not expect you to forsake an assignment, even temporarily.
[ it's true that neither of them are presentable enough to meet the ambassador, but he hadn't expected childe to be flippant about it. that's probably what the tsaritsa gets for putting him on a reconnaissance mission without any fighting or real stakes involved. (little does zhongli know.)
should he give in? he definitely owes ningguang an apology, if anything. but no one has come looking for them yet, and childe is right there in front of him, tugging him downward.
leaning again on his forearm and legs, zhongli runs the back of his dark fingers along the curve of childe's jaw. when he reaches his chin, he runs his thumb over childe's lightly swollen lip. ]
Although, if it were a crucial enough endeavor... we likely would not have arrived here at all, I assume.
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Especially because Childe can tell he's tempted, like a shark scenting blood in the water. It's viciously pleasing, to be so openly desired--when Zhongli's thumb gets close enough, he nips at it playfully, eyes dark and heavily lidded.]
Well, you know... "unexpected complications" and all that. [He unwinds his fingers from Zhongli's hair to tap the mark on his neck instead.] Besides, Her Majesty trusts her Harbingers to fulfill our obligations in accordance with our own agendas, and to operate as we see fit. Most of the time, anyway. [He smirks, then, amused.] If it hadn't been for you two, I would've just shown up and challenged Rex Lapis to a fight directly.
[This is a truthful answer, even if it's not quite as truthful as saying "well sure, I was able to justify all of our dinner dates as reconnaissance instead of admitting I was wasting time trying to figure out how to get the hot consultant to fight me" or "that's because you didn't see me lose my temper in the Golden House and fight the traveler when I really shouldn't have".]
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the little snip of pain from childe's teeth is barely perceptible. zhongli is more affected by how childe looks at him—wanting in equal measure, purposely provoking. elemental energy blossoms under every tap of his finger, a cool sparkler against his skin.
the hand at childe's chin slides downward. his fingers fan over the base of his throat and skim to his side, ending at his hip. the heel of his hand presses firmly over the soulmark. ]
Mm. I wonder how many times you might have used such an excuse...
[ still smiling, he closes his eyes and sidles his nose beside childe's, achingly close. he might be teasing himself at this point. ]
Do you think you would have won against him? If you had the opportunity.
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I would LOVE if dw would stop giving me errors every time I comment
I KNOW FR i'm back to writing in my notes app
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