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[closed] in which wangxian are themselves
[SO HERE THEY ARE, some indeterminate amount of time after the world's most chaotic love confession and elopement, adjusting to life in a post-Jin Guangyao world. It's been strange, adjusting to a life of freedom, companionship, happiness. Things aren't fixed, and they most certainly aren't perfect, but it's more than Lan Wangji ever would've dared to hope he could have, and he wouldn't trade it for anything.
Of course, decades of contempt can't be erased so easily. The Yiling Patriarch is still a fearsome and hated figure, still the monster in the dark, and still a tempting prize for those both thirsty for fame and stupid enough, or desperate enough, to take the risk. Even the combination of their power isn't always enough to deter the particularly determined, which appears to be what's happening this time.
This one, however, is a little...
...Well. In the words of someone less refined, it's REALLY FUCKING DUMB.
Lan Wangji barely even bothers to read the note, a very poorly disguised attempt to lure Wei Wuxian away; he spares approximately 2 seconds looking at it before he shakes his head, none of his exasperation showing on his face.]
Leave it.
[DON'T HUMOR THE ANGRY MOB NPCS, HUSBAND]
Of course, decades of contempt can't be erased so easily. The Yiling Patriarch is still a fearsome and hated figure, still the monster in the dark, and still a tempting prize for those both thirsty for fame and stupid enough, or desperate enough, to take the risk. Even the combination of their power isn't always enough to deter the particularly determined, which appears to be what's happening this time.
This one, however, is a little...
...Well. In the words of someone less refined, it's REALLY FUCKING DUMB.
Lan Wangji barely even bothers to read the note, a very poorly disguised attempt to lure Wei Wuxian away; he spares approximately 2 seconds looking at it before he shakes his head, none of his exasperation showing on his face.]
Leave it.
[DON'T HUMOR THE ANGRY MOB NPCS, HUSBAND]
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And then the lead cultivator just accuses him of something downright ludicrous. Really? The maiden thing? Again?
Wei Wuxian manages to keep his tone from sounding too hostile or contemptuous but he sure does sound exasperated.]
What maidens? I'm a happily married man. I have no need or desire to take your maidens or anyone else's. Now if you'd like some assistance finding them, I can speak with my cultivation partner about looking into it.
[As annoyed as Wei Wuxian is if there are, in fact, missing maidens who may be in trouble and in need of help, he can't turn a blind eye to it. He looks toward the Very Tired Cultivator who seems to actually have some sembance of basic sense.]
Hey, you over there. What can you tell me about the missing women? How many are there? From where and when did they disappear?
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Still, it's not unreasonable that a small village such as this could be unaware, especially one somewhat removed from the cultivation world. Not that that makes this situation any less ridiculous, but if there's an actual story behind this half-baked plot that hinged on a lack of awareness, then these men are...
...well okay they're still morons. That hasn't changed. At least they're morons with a cause, though?!
The cultivator in question jumps, looking ready to wither away on the spot under the direct attention of the dreaded Yiling Patriarch. He darts a nervous glance at Mr. Ringleader, but that guy still seems to be stuck on the idea of someone daring to marry Wei Wuxian, and doesn't seem to notice he's been slighted. So, in halting tones, Tired Cultivator explains.
It began with a letter to a young lady, one that had received Mr. Ringleader's attentions. She had refused to show anyone its contents, keeping it on her person at all times, and one day, she simply vanished. After a couple of months, another young lady (whose suitor was, not coincidentally, amongst their number here), received a similar letter, and also disappeared--and so on. The latest maiden to disappear, however, had left her letter behind, and it had been little more than a cryptic description of a location, but very clearly signed "The Yiling Patriarch".
SPOOKY.]
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He listens to the Tired Cultivator's story in a thoughtful expression, glancing toward each of the men in turn, asking further questions to confirm things. It'd be easy enough to assume that the maidens had left by choice in order to escape the advances of the idiot men pursuing them. And whether Wei Wuxian likes it or not, his old title still carries a lot of weight and negative connotations. Signing a note in such a way should deter all but the bravest or the stupidest from looking into the matter.
Wei Wuxian can think of another possibility though: that there truly is someone masquerading as himself, purposefully luring maidens away from their homes under his name. He needs to see the note itself.]
Hand over the note if you still have it. I'll look into the matter once I speak with my husband.
[Wei Wuxian tucks Chenqing into his belt then cups his hands around his mouth and yells. He knows his partner's nearby, just not which specific direction.]
Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan! It's been ten minutes! You can come out now! I think I have a job for us!
[Wei Wuxian's perservered without the love of his life by his long enough. Besides, what better way to prove he was married than by producing his husband in the flesh for them to see?]
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That sort of thing is more his husband's area of expertise, though. His husband, who is currently summoning him--so, dutifully, he makes his way to the little scene and directly to Wei Wuxian's side, ignoring the expressions of pure shock on the mens' faces. Tired Cultivator looks like he's about to faint.
"Hanguang-jun?!"
Why do they sound more terrified of him than of Wei Wuxian...]
Wei Ying.
oh god Wifi just stop talking
[Wei Wuxian lights up like the sun breaking free of dreary grey skies. The moment Lan Wangji comes forward, his mood seems to improve immediately. His expression softens, a beautifully content smile playing across his lips. The look in his eyes when he looks at his husband is so tender and adoring, it's almost sickening. As soon as Lan Wangji's by his side, he reaches over to take one of his hands and leans in to kiss him on the cheek.
Then he just casually leans on his husband, turning back to the group of would be assassins.]
So, you see, I have Hanguang-jun. It takes everything I've got to just keep up with him. Lan Zhan wears me out so much everyday that I couldn't possibly have the energy to spare on a single maiden, much less more than one. And he loves me so well, I have no need for anyone else's. Ever.
[Okay, maybe Wei Wuxian is straying slightly off-topic but he's still making perfectly valid points here. He's in love with and married to a beast.]
Are you sure you even want to look for your maidens? You have other options.
he physically cannot
Because it is. Because they're married. Sometimes he still can't quite believe it.
The looks the men are exchanging now are a combination of shock, fear, and confusion. Despite being completely convinced that the Yiling Patriarch was kidnapping the ladies of their village, the idea of him arriving with a companion clearly hadn't occurred to any of them--and certainly none of them expected it to be one of the Twin Jades, known to them only, much like Wei Wuxian, as something close to legends. THIS DAY HAS NOT GONE AT ALL AS THEY PLANNED.
There's a pause, then the rest of the men shuffle closer to Tired Cultivator, awkwardly whispering amongst themselves and sending a few side glances their way. (Mr. Ringleader still looks stuck in his own confusion, trying to figure out how such a relationship even works.) Lan Wangji leaves them to it, turning his focus instead to his husband; with his free hand, he gently brushes Wei Wuxian's bangs out of his face.]
Are you hurt?
[He heard the entire thing, of course, and even if he hadn't, these men clearly wouldn't stand a chance against Wei Wuxian, but still. STILL. His dang idiot husband sure isn't gonna take care of himself, okay, so somebody has to!!!]
oh, dear god, why.... he really can't
(Exactlly what ways those might be remains up for debate.)
Wei Wuxian turns away from the onlookers to face his husband directly, reaching out to drape his arms around his neck in a loose embrace. A slight blush colors his cheeks now as if he hadn't just made a TMI announcement about their sex life to a bunch of total strangers. There's the tell-tale soft, goofy grin of someone who is completely and hopelessly in love on his face. There's even a slight, teary sheen in his eyes as he leans into Lan Wangji's touch. Wei Wuxian wets his lips before speaking in a soft voice that sounds positively lovesick.]
No, Lan Zhan, I'm fine. They didn't lay a hand on me just like I said they wouldn't. I don't want anyone touching me but you.
[It's a little like the performances he gave when he pretended to be Mo Xuanyu, only this time, he's being completely genuine. And even back then, Wei Wuxian was being more honest about his feelings than even he'd known. His blush deepens and he licks his lips once more, leaning in close but not yet kissing Lan Wangji.]
I missed you... Er-gege.
[Ten minutes apart and he's wilting, Lan Zhan. Wilting. The terror-inducing Yiling Patriarch, everyone.]
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Mm. I am here.
[HE WAS LITERALLY WITHIN EARSHOT THE WHOLE TIME WHY ARE THEY LIKE THIS]
brb facepalming
It seems as if both parties have forgotten about their audience now, at least temporarily. Sorry, assassins, but apparently it's kiss o'clock right now. Wei Wuxian will have to get back to you.]
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--yeah okay that's a bunch of bullshit HE JUST DOESN'T WANT ANYONE ELSE SEEING WEI WUXIAN LIKE THIS, he may not have to drink vinegar anymore but he's still not up for sharing!!!
So while he, of course, permits the kiss, he keeps it chaste. For all its gentleness, though, it's no less loving; that is not something he will ever restrain, ever again.
(Honestly this is probably worse than watching them make out.)
But they do have a job to do, so he keeps it to a single kiss before he turns his head, back to the group of would-be assailants who are all looking extremely uncomfortable.
Good.]
The letter?
[His voice prompts them into action, and one of the non-cultivators looks around at his fellows, as if begging them to get him out of this whole situation. His peers, however, seem to suddenly find the forest they're in fascinating, so with resignation, he pulls the note out of his robes and shuffles forward, awkwardly holding it out.
Lan Wangji makes no move to pry Wei Wuxian off of him, but he does unwrap his own arms, taking the letter and tucking it into his sleeve.]
We will look into it.
[HE DIDN'T EVEN OPEN IT]
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As Hanguang-jun said, we'll look into it and get back to you if we find anything. We can't promise their return to you. In the meantime, it might not hurt to think about ways you can show your appreciation for them in ways that they'll enjoy.
[Wei Wuxian does look at the would-be assailants then, giving them a casually friendly smile he gives most people these days. Maybe they're not as bad as they seem. Maybe they can turn themselves around and become someone worthy of getting a second chance in the event the maidens ever come home. Surely, they must have friends and family members that they left behind and would want to see again someday. Backwater village or not, this was their home.]
But if that's all, I'd like to get back to my husband now.
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If they'd come to them as clients seeking help, that would be one thing. Lan Wangji would've behaved himself, if that were the case. But Lan Wangji's memory is impeccable, and he won't be forgetting the beginning of this farce anytime soon. YOU POINT A SWORD AT THE BAE, YOU DON'T GET SHIT, OKAY.
It's only when the crowd doesn't seem to be dispersing immediately that Lan Wangji cuts his gaze back to them, and this time there's a very clear note of displeasure. It's not much, just a shift of eyebrows and a slight downturn of his mouth, but it's apparently, finally enough to scatter them; which is fortunate, because otherwise they would've had to turn to active threats, and while Wei Wuxian can get extremely creative with those when he chooses to, it's not the mood Lan Wangji wants his husband in right now.
They'd better not get any funny ideas about looping around for a surprise attack; if they do, they'll be in for a very, very unfortunate surprise.]
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Come on, Lan Zhan! Let's go somewhere else. Just the two of us. It'll be fun.
[He tugs on his hand a little, giving them a little swing, picking up on that lingering tension. In all likelihood, Wei Wuxian will have forgotten all about these assailants' intent to kill him in about a week from now, remembering only his promise to look into the matter of the missing maidens. If Wei Wuxian dwelled on every single person who'd ever wanted him dead in his two lives, he'd never think about anything. He would be too preoccupied to notice or appreciate the wonderful, beautiful moments of his life.]
Pretty please? I want another kiss from you, Er-gege!
[As loving and gentle as that chaste kiss had been and as much as Wei Wuxian enjoyed it, it hadn't been a fierce kiss. After all, he absolutely adores it when his darling Lan Zhan lets himself go and shows him just how ferocious his love can be. Even if most people don't dare comment on them, Wei Wuxian still wears those bite marks on his skin like a badge of honor.
Because to him, it is and will always be an great honor to be loved and treasured so much by the esteemed Hanguang-jun for the rest of their days.]
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Mm.
[He squeezes Wei Wuxian's hand to punctuate his assent; willing, as always, to go wherever Wei Wuxian wants to go. Especially considering his constant state of being is at least a 6 or 7 on the "willing and ready to pounce on his husband" scale; if Wei Wuxian's feeling impatient, itching for some real contact, then Lan Wangji is | | this close to choosing the nearest tree as good enough for "somewhere else".
It's really only the thought that their wannabe attackers might be lingering that's holding him back--not because they'd be able to do anything, but because, again, he isn't one to share. So he goes easily, letting Wei Wuxian lead the way to wherever he pleases--they can go back to town, or they can find a cave for all Lan Wangji cares, as long as they're together.]
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After contemplating the pros and cons of where and how Wei Wuxian would like his husband to do him this time with all the solemn reflection of any of the Gusu Lan Sect's top cultivators, he decides that he's too greedy to wait until they get back to town. He tugs on Lan Wangji's hand once before leading the way into the underbrush. There's bound to be a clearing, cave or secluded romantic spot by a stream for them to enjoy out here for a little bit out here somewhere.]
See anywhere you like yet, Lan Zhan? I see lots of places but since you've been such a good boy this trip, you can pick this time.
[Not that Wei Wuxian really does whole lot of picking anything once things start getting underway unless he's deliberately teasing his husband. Lan Wangji could shove him down anywhere, regardless of who or what was around and Wei Wuxian would immediately comply far, far, far more often than not.]
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Especially with Wei Wuxian teasing him like this?! First with the bedroom eyes and the blatant flirting in front of a small crowd, and now, snuggling up to him like this, and talking like that...
It's much harder to make his ears turn red these days; he's changed a lot since their teenage years, and even since those days just after their marriage, honestly. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean it's hard to rile him up (especially not for Wei Wuxian, who doesn't even have to do anything but exist). It just means that, when he cuts his gaze back to Wei Wuxian after a cursory glance around them, his eyes are downright scorching--and he wastes no time in picking Wei Wuxian up and tossing him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
MARK YOUR WORDS, WEI WUXIAN
Especially because if Wei Wuxian's in this kind of mood today, then who is he? To deny him??? He's truly the world's worst Wei Wuxian enabler, god.
Lan Wangji does head for a cluster of trees that look slightly thicker than the ones around them, but if they're doing this out here, then walking over here is the longest he's willing to wait, and he wastes no time in pressing his husband against one of them and kissing him as fiercely as he'd wanted to, earlier. He knows that won't stop Wei Wuxian from whining about his "rough treatment" and being "delicate" and so on and so forth, but hey, HE CAN AT LEAST TRY... AND SHUT HIM UP FOR A MINUTE...]
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At first, Wei Wuxian's too overcome with delight and excitement at simply being picked up and carried off for a proper ravishing. His cheeks are flushed, eyes already filling with warmth and a misty dreaminess as he grins from ear to ear. He bursts out into giddy laughter when Lan Wangji shoves him against the tree, starting to tremble out of sheer reflex. His husband's mouth on his is bruisingly intense in the best of ways and Wei Wuxian kisses him back with equal fervor, hands splaying out on his shoulder.
After a moment he breaks the kiss to softly murmur:]
There you are, good boy.
[And then he immediately slips into his usual role when indulging in this particular fantasy.]
But you're being so rough, Er-Gege! The great and powerful Hanguang-jun manhandling fragile little me so brutishly! Does your uncle know what a savage he raised? It's a good thing we're out in the wild!
[Yeah, sure, some trees a very short walk away from the main road counts as the wild, Wei Wuxian. But least, he shut up for a couple of moments there?]
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This tree also deserves better, honestly, as do any other woodland creatures that might be around to judge them right now?? Though it's likely that all living creatures have a natural instinct to get the hell away from these two when they're being particularly shameless, like now. Lan Wangji doesn't even try to hide the way his fingers flex where they grip Wei Wuxian's waist, his favorite place to rest them--but then Wei Wuxian keeps talking and Lan Wangji can't not pull back, after a gentle bite to his husband's lower lip, to give him a look.]
Wei Ying, please.
[That's not a "please keep it up I love it when you talk like this" tone. That is most definitely a "wei ying please, for the love of god, do not talk about my uncle when we're about to get busy why do you always do this" tone.]
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In this instance, it's returning his husband's litte bite with a nip of his own, followed by another firm and lingering smooch. He's sliding his arms around his husband's neck once more, pulling him close once more. After a moment, he breaks it again, smiling with mock innocence.]
Yes, Lan Zhan?
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He doesn't speak, but he doesn't have to, honestly. The love pouring off of him is impossible to miss.
Reluctant as he is to let go of Wei Wuxian's waist, he gives in to the urge to slide one hand up beneath his chin, using the other to press them closer together as if in compensation. When he kisses Wei Wuxian this time, it's a kiss that says "you are ridiculous, and I love you", no less intense for its tenderness.]
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Lan Wangji might not need to say it but he does. After not knowing his own heart and remaining silent for too long, Wei Wuxian will never tire of saying it now. Not a day's gone by since their decision to marry that he hasn't said it once, either through words or deeds. This time it's through words first. He meets and holds Lan Wangji's gaze like nothing else exists in the universe right now, not even the tree at his back.]
I love you, Lan Zhan. More than anything or anyone else in the world.
[Then Wei Wuxian grins a little impishly.]
Not counting our little one, of course.
[Technically, it's more like three or four now by now if they count their son's friends that Wei Wuxian just casually adopted into their little family.]