[Once again, Kaveh doesn't respond right away. But this is a quiet of grief and contemplation--there's guilt and trauma there too, of course, but mostly Kaveh's just... sad.]
I was so sure we could save her. [Softly.] I thought... I knew we might have to fight her. But I thought, after that... that we'd be able to reason with her. I even promised the people I spoke to, before we went after her--that we wouldn't have to hurt anyone else. That it was done.
[...]
I should've seen the sign. That she'd--given up. [He knows what that looks like, after all. He saw it in his mother, before she found herself again overseas. He saw glimpses of it in his father, before his father resolved to travel into the desert, determined to fix things with his own two hands. He certainly saw it in Matsui, after Buzen's murder--to the point where he'd gently tried to encourage others to mourn Matsui, even before he died.
But he didn't. In fact, he barely even spoke to Ruby, let alone the other two. Would things have turned out differently, if he had? He doesn't think so, and that's the worst part.]
...One life cannot outweigh countless worlds. [He does know that. Even if it hurts, even if Kaveh stressed over and over that everyone deserved a chance to live, to fight. It's for the best that he didn't have to deal the killing blow--he never would've recovered.] But I... I don't think we even managed to change her mind. We couldn't save her life, and we couldn't grant her peace.
[Someday, in the future, Alhaitham will notice a new portrait in a frame on Kaveh's desk: a young girl in black and red, sitting atop a skyscraper with her face turned towards the moon, a content expression on her face. It won't be signed, but Alhaitham will recognize Kaveh's art style.
For now, though, Kaveh simply sits beside him, shoulders bowed under the weight of mourning.]
[ Alhaitham has been with Kaveh through his heart-rending grief before. Kaveh was already spent before this, hollow-eyed, slightly placated with alcohol. To see him bent over in suffering, shadowed by his hair, and racked again with trauma that Alhaitham can't ever fully understand, makes Alhaitham ache under his ribs.
He cradles Kaveh's loose fingers carefully in his palm. He watches them, tracing their scars as he speaks. ]
I'm sure you've already recognized your first mistake. [ He has to point this out because he's Alhaitham, but he does so a little more quietly, leaning in. ] Regardless of your idealistic views, you shouldn't have guaranteed something without definite proof of its fruition. It's one thing to consider possibilities and another to set up false expectations. An unfavorable outcome becomes that much more devastating.
[ He looks at Kaveh, straightforward and steady. ]
If you were to hear of this situation from someone else, your answer would likely be thus: though the opportunity for Ruby's rescue and redemption may have been slim to none, what matters is that you, or someone at the very least, acted on that possibility. Without that, the probability of her survival would have been zero.
[ His fingers tighten. ]
It's Lessor Lord Kusanali's view that the most important thing isn't what state the world is in now, but what people hope it can become. For that time, foolishly or not, you embodied the hope for a better future for everyone involved.
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I was so sure we could save her. [Softly.] I thought... I knew we might have to fight her. But I thought, after that... that we'd be able to reason with her. I even promised the people I spoke to, before we went after her--that we wouldn't have to hurt anyone else. That it was done.
[...]
I should've seen the sign. That she'd--given up. [He knows what that looks like, after all. He saw it in his mother, before she found herself again overseas. He saw glimpses of it in his father, before his father resolved to travel into the desert, determined to fix things with his own two hands. He certainly saw it in Matsui, after Buzen's murder--to the point where he'd gently tried to encourage others to mourn Matsui, even before he died.
But he didn't. In fact, he barely even spoke to Ruby, let alone the other two. Would things have turned out differently, if he had? He doesn't think so, and that's the worst part.]
...One life cannot outweigh countless worlds. [He does know that. Even if it hurts, even if Kaveh stressed over and over that everyone deserved a chance to live, to fight. It's for the best that he didn't have to deal the killing blow--he never would've recovered.] But I... I don't think we even managed to change her mind. We couldn't save her life, and we couldn't grant her peace.
[Someday, in the future, Alhaitham will notice a new portrait in a frame on Kaveh's desk: a young girl in black and red, sitting atop a skyscraper with her face turned towards the moon, a content expression on her face. It won't be signed, but Alhaitham will recognize Kaveh's art style.
For now, though, Kaveh simply sits beside him, shoulders bowed under the weight of mourning.]
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He cradles Kaveh's loose fingers carefully in his palm. He watches them, tracing their scars as he speaks. ]
I'm sure you've already recognized your first mistake. [ He has to point this out because he's Alhaitham, but he does so a little more quietly, leaning in. ] Regardless of your idealistic views, you shouldn't have guaranteed something without definite proof of its fruition. It's one thing to consider possibilities and another to set up false expectations. An unfavorable outcome becomes that much more devastating.
[ He looks at Kaveh, straightforward and steady. ]
If you were to hear of this situation from someone else, your answer would likely be thus: though the opportunity for Ruby's rescue and redemption may have been slim to none, what matters is that you, or someone at the very least, acted on that possibility. Without that, the probability of her survival would have been zero.
[ His fingers tighten. ]
It's Lessor Lord Kusanali's view that the most important thing isn't what state the world is in now, but what people hope it can become. For that time, foolishly or not, you embodied the hope for a better future for everyone involved.