[ alhaitham was bracing himself for kaveh's melancholy since he first announced vash and wolfwood's visit to sumeru.
not that their trip wasn't worth the eventual nosedive. by then, kaveh was making slow progress towards something like recovery (not full recovery, never full). through the combined support of nahida, his friends, and a steady flow of amiable clients, alhaitham watched as kaveh found respite in doing what he loved most. message boards and akademiya students boasted about the light of kshahrewar's sudden frenzy of creativity and determination. even when alhaitham made jabs at his recent accolades, he did so only for kaveh to preen and rest in his laurels for once. kaveh's weariness, guilt, and depression were inextricable parts of him, but he can't argue against tangible results, even when they come surprisingly from alhaitham's mouth.
something opened in alhaitham the night that kaveh broke down on him, like a flower slowly unfurling. alhaitham would never treat kaveh like he was made of glass—that would be too demeaning and kaveh would hate it—but his criticisms became blunted and more meticulously delivered. things kaveh mentioned as nice-to-haves would suddenly appear in a cabinet or furnished in a corner of the sitting room. each time alhaitham would go to the kitchen, he would pour cups and prepare plates of food for two, distracting kaveh with something like corrections on deshretian hieroglyphics. whenever kaveh needed to fall apart, alhaitham would be there to collect his pieces.
this is how alhaitham wordlessly manifests things like worry or concern, making them easily excusable or hardly acknowledged. it's the only way kaveh might accept them from someone like him.
when vash and wolfwood visit, kaveh seems closer to his usual self than ever—outwardly confident, light on his feet, loud and fully engaged. objectively, the whole visit is a drain on alhaitham's energy and his funds, but he keeps this fact mostly to himself. there are pockets of time where he genuinely enjoys himself in the strangers' company, but without moments like those, alhaitham's gains outweight his losses. it's worth it to let his eyes linger on kaveh while he shines like the sun, reminiscent of how alhaitham knew him so many years ago.
then vash and wolfwood leave.
suddenly, alhaitham and kaveh can't be in the same room for long before something urgent calls kaveh away. a serendipitous meeting at the tavern quickly ends with kaveh abruptly leaving or inviting someone, anyone else, to join them at their table. even alhaitham's study, which had turned over time into their joint office, is now seemingly off-limits for kaveh alone; after a few days, alhaitham had realized that kaveh's tools and blueprints were being slowly picked off and taken elsewhere. their near-weekly visits to the bazaar for groceries, day-to-day bickering and gossip about kaveh's clients and alhaitham's headaches, and late night debates over wine are more foreign now than they ever were before.
this is beyond kaveh finding coping mechanisms for his trauma and heartache. he knows what it looks like when kaveh avoids him. he'd done so for years, albeit with disdain along with the anxiety. it reminds alhaitham of when vash asked his question and kaveh hightailed it out of the room: you care about him, right?
he thinks about that conversation much more than kaveh realizes, and mostly because kaveh avoided it at all costs. after the conversation, kaveh seemed more stiff and skittish when alone with him, as though one stray thought from alhaitham could make him combust. and why? because vash correctly guessed that alhaitham doesn't hate him? that kaveh continues to believe the opposite with no proof whatsoever? that's not news.
kaveh seems terrified of something else, and maybe it has nothing to do with that conversation at all. alhaitham won't know unless he brings it up first. ]
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1/2
not that their trip wasn't worth the eventual nosedive. by then, kaveh was making slow progress towards something like recovery (not full recovery, never full). through the combined support of nahida, his friends, and a steady flow of amiable clients, alhaitham watched as kaveh found respite in doing what he loved most. message boards and akademiya students boasted about the light of kshahrewar's sudden frenzy of creativity and determination. even when alhaitham made jabs at his recent accolades, he did so only for kaveh to preen and rest in his laurels for once. kaveh's weariness, guilt, and depression were inextricable parts of him, but he can't argue against tangible results, even when they come surprisingly from alhaitham's mouth.
something opened in alhaitham the night that kaveh broke down on him, like a flower slowly unfurling. alhaitham would never treat kaveh like he was made of glass—that would be too demeaning and kaveh would hate it—but his criticisms became blunted and more meticulously delivered. things kaveh mentioned as nice-to-haves would suddenly appear in a cabinet or furnished in a corner of the sitting room. each time alhaitham would go to the kitchen, he would pour cups and prepare plates of food for two, distracting kaveh with something like corrections on deshretian hieroglyphics. whenever kaveh needed to fall apart, alhaitham would be there to collect his pieces.
this is how alhaitham wordlessly manifests things like worry or concern, making them easily excusable or hardly acknowledged. it's the only way kaveh might accept them from someone like him.
when vash and wolfwood visit, kaveh seems closer to his usual self than ever—outwardly confident, light on his feet, loud and fully engaged. objectively, the whole visit is a drain on alhaitham's energy and his funds, but he keeps this fact mostly to himself. there are pockets of time where he genuinely enjoys himself in the strangers' company, but without moments like those, alhaitham's gains outweight his losses. it's worth it to let his eyes linger on kaveh while he shines like the sun, reminiscent of how alhaitham knew him so many years ago.
then vash and wolfwood leave.
suddenly, alhaitham and kaveh can't be in the same room for long before something urgent calls kaveh away. a serendipitous meeting at the tavern quickly ends with kaveh abruptly leaving or inviting someone, anyone else, to join them at their table. even alhaitham's study, which had turned over time into their joint office, is now seemingly off-limits for kaveh alone; after a few days, alhaitham had realized that kaveh's tools and blueprints were being slowly picked off and taken elsewhere. their near-weekly visits to the bazaar for groceries, day-to-day bickering and gossip about kaveh's clients and alhaitham's headaches, and late night debates over wine are more foreign now than they ever were before.
this is beyond kaveh finding coping mechanisms for his trauma and heartache. he knows what it looks like when kaveh avoids him. he'd done so for years, albeit with disdain along with the anxiety. it reminds alhaitham of when vash asked his question and kaveh hightailed it out of the room: you care about him, right?
he thinks about that conversation much more than kaveh realizes, and mostly because kaveh avoided it at all costs. after the conversation, kaveh seemed more stiff and skittish when alone with him, as though one stray thought from alhaitham could make him combust. and why? because vash correctly guessed that alhaitham doesn't hate him? that kaveh continues to believe the opposite with no proof whatsoever? that's not news.
kaveh seems terrified of something else, and maybe it has nothing to do with that conversation at all. alhaitham won't know unless he brings it up first. ]